After years of dancing on the line, swaying in indecision, the liberation began on 11/28/13 after an unprovoked attack. I will hereby no longer participate in events where imagined wrongs of the past loom large and where people feel the need to project their feelings of inadequacy and disempowerment onto me. I have allowed myself to enter situations for too long where I knew that slings and arrows meant for others would be flung at me by a disappointed, fearful, and downright mean person in my family.
Thanksgiving is a memory for me. I do not have to "celebrate" it any longer. This *in no way* means that I'm not grateful for my life or the people I choose to be in my life. It does not mean that I don't find a quiet peace in thinking about all that I have and in expressing that gratitude. It means I don't have to be part of the dysfunctional and hypocritical posturing any more. If we can't stand each other the rest of the year, I'm not sure why it is so important to spend forced hours together in a small space to pretend otherwise.
I feel liberated.