Monday, April 30, 2012

Morning Experiment

For quite some time now (years, actually), I have been listening to a talk radio station when I drive to and from work. When I'm working on a show, I listen to the show, of course, but otherwise, I usually listen to politics. No, I'm not going to share my political perspectives or thoughts here.

When Roby first got sick, I remember hearing an ad for an Oprah episode with Marianne Williamson as the guest. At the time, I didn't know who she was - the ad just resonated with me. After that, I read her book, "A Woman's Worth" and I listened to a couple of her lectures. Some of those lectures helped me avoid panic and abject fear in those days.

So, fast forward to 2012. I've felt this underlying stress that comes from not taking a vacation and really *unplugging* for quite some time. A friend of mine started subscribing to Marianne Williamson's Facebook and hence, quotes from her keep popping up on my news feed. Last week, I decided that I would try listening to her lectures in the morning as I drive to work instead of listening to the news and politics and see if it helps at all.

I have only been doing this for a couple of days, but I have to say that I do think it makes a difference to start the day off with something positive and hopeful and thoughtful. Politics are important, especially in an election year, but I know that this will go on for months and months. For now, I have found a little bit of peace each day and I think it will change the trajectory of my mornings. Stay tuned! I will keep you posted on this topic.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Crazy, Stupid Love

I watched the movie "Crazy, Stupid Love" today. For some reason, I have been putting it off as one of those movies "I have to be in the mood to watch". I'm not sure why...I really like all the actors in it and it didn't seem to be too traumatic in themes, etc., but there you have it.

I actually really enjoyed it. This is the first movie that Ryan Gosling didn't creep me out (well, maybe some in the beginning...). I loved Steve Carell and Emma Stone, as well. She is turning out to be someone I will be looking out for. I think she makes some smart and unusual choices - I can't wait to see what else she is going to do.

Watching it today reminded me how much I enjoy movies. Sometimes, I forget. It's a little weird - I used to be so compelled to go to the movies, but there was such a dearth of good movies - well, maybe a dearth of movies that
looked good. Sometimes, the way they advertise stuff is a real turn-off and it turns out to be really good.

If you haven't seen it, I would recommend it. It is tender and sweet with some humor thrown in. Kind of "Dan in Real Life" kind of sweet...

Are there any movies that you have put off because you weren't in the mood only to discover that you really liked it?

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Finding the Right Balance

I have a person in my life who is not there by choice and who has broken trust in many ways, with me and other important players in my life. When it is solely up to me, I don't choose to socialize with this person. Sometimes, it doesn't feel like it is up to me.

On this particular occasion, I decided to go because it seemed like a way to keep the peace. Then a Surprise! And then the realization of how much energy it would take to partake in this situation.

Tonight, five minutes away from my destination, I decided that it is ALWAYS up to me. I chose to be as friendly and social as I could be without faking it, but I also decided that I don't have to subject myself to SURPRISES! on the way or to people who put my personality up as an indictment for all to see. Sadly, I don't know that these people even know how much it hurts to be accused of things, to be labeled in negative ways, just to make them look better or to excuse the way they are in the world.

We all have our crosses to bear, but to actively and regularly put others down or on the defensive every time you are in each other's presence is really inappropriate and I'm not going to put myself on the docket willingly any more.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Da Pony Lion

A friend of mine sent me this video today which I am ashamed to say made me laugh until I cried. Normally, regular old cat videos make me laugh. After a long, strange week, I received this video and it made the day much better than it would have been otherwise.

My friend calls it "Da Pony Lion" because it was on German television and the first time he heard it, that was all he understood of the text.

Just wanted to share the laughs.


Thursday, April 26, 2012

Bubbling Over

I can feel my emotional tiredness bubbling up at strange moments. Mostly, it happens when I am overstimulated (too much electronic and social media in my world - work and personal). I am finding myself taking adult time-outs. I just have to withdraw from things sometimes to regain perspective and to minimize stimulation levels.

I love networking, but I am realizing that I can only process so much and then I have to just stop.

I checked on my favorite beach place and they are basically booked into mid-June...I don't want to wait that long. I may have to find a secondary place to go for a couple of days or a weekend.  Just away and feeling the rhythms of the ocean will help.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012


I have been asked to work with an interpreter who is prepping for a national exam. What an honor and a challenge.  I'm looking forward to the inspiration of working with someone who is on that journey - I know it will make me long for interpreting work again, but it is oh, so worth it.

Tonight was the first night we worked together. Good conversation - I have a lot to think about.

I'm really a fortunate person.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Worry and Imagination

A friend of mine posted this and it so resonated with me, I had to post it here. It was from Tuyet Van Julie's Facebook page:

I have been pondering it since I saw it. Many thoughts are clicking into place for me...

Monday, April 23, 2012

Living with Intention

One of the things I have realized about my resistance to finishing projects is that it *is* resistance.  I have a lot of fear of success, fear of failure, fear of not knowing if I'm doing it "right", fear of doing it wrong, fear of not being liked, fear of being may have heard this before...

I know that when I was following along with VerbTribe (I'm still determined to get back with the program), I got scared. Scared that I would find out that something I believed about myself my whole life would be untrue (that I was meant to be a writer), scared that I WAS meant to be a writer (which means I've been doing it all wrong), that I'm supposed to be a writer and it is okay that I'm not just doing that all the time (will I suddenly become dissatisfied with my life?) I withdraw.

It is a pattern. I can see it. I'm hoping to start to peel the layers back and look at this pattern, start moving some of the pieces around and see what can happen from there.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Sending Healing Thoughts into the World

I have two friends who are seriously ill right now. One person is in the hospital and one person goes in for surgery to remove colon cancer this week.

Send as much love and healing as you can into the world for these folks or anyone you know who is facing serious health issues.  There but for the grace of God...

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Musical Interlude

I had no idea that the Indigo Girls were on this Pink song. I love all three women...

Love Pink...I love her voice, her strength. Lovely.

Introduced to this song via Glee.

Pink reminded me of Kelly Clarkson. Love her, too.

Pretty sure I heard this either on Glee or on American Idol before I heard Kelly Clarkson sing it.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Bliss List

This week, my Bliss List is simple:

1.  I love Glee.
2.  I love reading.
3.  I'm glad it is Friday.
4.  Angry Birds on Facebook
5.  Kindness of my friends, both online and in person.

It was a long, strange week.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Be a Light

Okay, so I think the problem with photo uploading is my browser. I will be returning to normal content next week. For now, some other stuff to share. Thank you, as always, for visiting.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Farewell, Dick Clark

I'm still struggling with the photo upload in Blogger right now, so I don't have a photo of Dick Clark, but I did want to acknowledge his passing.  I wasn't a huge fan of "American Bandstand" growing up just because we lived in Germany in the early years when I might have grown a taste for it.  Later, when we moved back to the States, my sister watched it on Saturdays when I wanted to watch cartoons. It was a bone of contention - I didn't want to watch ANYTHING she wanted to watch. In my teen years, in the 1980s, I did watch "Bandstand" until "Friday Night Videos" came on.  So I do have to thank him for all the music I was introduced to back then.

But I did appreciate Dick Clark for all his work in television (particularly "$25,000 Pyramid", music awards shows and "New Year's Rockin' Eve").  He seemed the last of a breed of gentlemen - hard working, kind, willing to share his knowledge, skills and experience.

I know his presence will be missed.  Farewell, Dick Clark.  Thanks for the memories.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

No Shame, No Apologies

Well, okay, maybe a little...but I'm trying to get past it.

I went back to my VerbTribe group last night trying not to feel guilty or behind or embarrassed that I fell "behind".   There was love and openness and welcoming. I'm going to take that and battle the rest.  I am fighting some mighty demons with this writing stuff, so I need all the help I can get.

Thank you, Rumpusing Friends, for your support, too.  Kindness never goes to waste.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Taxes and "The Help"

I really must keep my receipts in order. I couldn't find my OPB donation - it would have helped a little. And I have to file a new W-4. If I did that, I wouldn't owe at all. Not that I owe too much. I just like for it to be taken before I ever see it.  All is well, though.

And now, I shall go read a chapter or two of "The Help". I thought I would read some other series and have a bunch of books in my Kindle line waiting. But then I saw "The Help" just sitting there. Waiting. I started the book back in October or November and I KNEW it would be good, but I stopped reading. Now that I'm on a roll, I just have to keep myself plowing through whatever I can find that sparks my interest.  I'm so happy.  My brain feels like it is on a holiday when I'm reading.  Lovely.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Returning to the Fold

I spent much of the day today trying to gather the information for all the VerbTribe activities I have missed in the last days...I gathered them all, made a plan and am ready to go.  I will never be perfect, much as my brain thinks I want to be. I'm not even close to possibly being perfect at any point EVER.  I know it. I'm really okay with it. I just have to face it pretty regularly.

I'm excited to get my behind in gear and scared, too.  Showing your soul is not easy, you know.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

"Mockingjay" Complete - Onward!

I finished "Mockingjay" today.  It is the last book in "The Hunger Games" trilogy.  It was a little bit harder to get into this one, but it was totally worth it.  I sort of look at all 3 books as one and this one was one of the lull parts in the middle. :)

Now, I have to figure out what I'm going to read next. And catch up on VerbTribe.  I've been procrastinating. That's never a good sign.  I think I have been avoiding some "real" stuff.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Photo issues again

I don't know why, but periodically, I am not able to upload photos of any kind to blogger. I don't understand the issue and it seems pretty random.  I guess I should look into it more...or try the new, updated Blogger interface.  I hate when things change for no reason. Sometimes, the way it is is just fine, thank you very much.

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should...

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Don't Feed the...

This was posted on my Facebook and I thought it was perfect for me. I think I need a giant 8X10 foot poster on my wall. :)

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Wrestling with Perfection

I am struggling to keep up with VerbTribe and mad at myself for it. And trying not to be mad at myself. It is a work in progress, right?

I sense discomfort and fear, so I have to face it and keep moving towards it.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Monday, April 9, 2012

A Lesson from Bambi

When I was in the first grade, I was selected to play Bambi's mother in the school play in Germany.  Man, I loved that costume. It had a deer hat that I wanted to wear all. the. time. I'm pretty sure that I wore the costume as pajamas until I couldn't fit into them anymore. But I digress...

There were lots of songs (I even had a solo), but the one I remember was the song that the rabbits sang to Thumper. It went something like this, "If you can't say something nice...SHHH!!! Say nothing!"  That song was playing through my mind today - not because I wanted to say anything that wasn't nice.  I was seeing some pretty negative stuff on a communication line with folks who work on remote sites. It wasn't to me or about me or about anyone in my work site, but it was just so negative and so petty I couldn't stand it anymore and I turned the source of the communication off.  It was unsettling and I haven't been able to shake it off today.

So, for the happier part of this post, which I did not plan or think of until I mentioned the solo I sang as Bambi's mother (in the cleaned-up, first grade version, my character did not die, by the way).  It was a pretty little song.

"I'll call him Bambi, my little fawn.
He'll chase the sunbeams sparkling at dawn.
I'll call him Bambi, and when he's grown
Brave, tall and proud he'll stand,
Prince of the forest land.
Just like his father, little Bambi will be."

Hmmm. I haven't thought about that in a long time. I'll have to see if there are any pictures.  I think I remember seeing one once...

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Easter Sunday

I was invited to brunch today for Easter Sunday with my mother and her friend and her family. We all spend most holidays together, so I agreed.  Then my mother invited me to attend church services. I politely declined - if I were going to attend church services, I wouldn't necessarily choose a high holy day to start.  There are way too many other issues involved in this decision, however, my decline was well received and, hopefully, understood.

We went to brunch at 11am. The place was very crowded, of course.  The price had gone up $4 from last year and the quality of the food had declined quite a bit. It was a little disappointing.  The company was good until the phones came out and the search for the wifi password started. Once people need a hotspot, it is time to leave. I'm not going to sit in a busy restaurant with people while they search for stuff on their phones.  Insert rant here.

Later, I went to see "The Hunger Games".  I wasn't sure how the movie would be, but I thought they did a nice job with a complex book and subject matter. I liked the casting and I thought the tone of it was very similar to the books.  Woody Harralson, who is not my favorite, was actually quite good. In fact, I think he was perfect for his role. He had some moments of subtle facial expressions that really conveyed the depth of the character he plays. I'm interested to see more of his portrayal of Haymitch.  I think the movie is accessible for people who have read the books and those who haven't.  I usually like to see the movie first because it peaks my interest in the book and makes me want to read to fill in the gaps.  Really, I can do it either way. I usually think the book is better, but most of the time, I like both.  This was one of those times.

To those of you who celebrate Easter, Happy Easter. To those of you who don't, I hope you had a great weekend/Passover/Seder/whatever. :)

Saturday, April 7, 2012

VerbTribe, Sleep and Reading

I have been doing my VerbTribe writing this week and today I slept a lot.  I really needed it. I felt a little guilty, but not enough to not do it.  I woke up at 8am and stayed up for a couple of hours (I have discovered Angry Birds on Facebook...oy!), then I decided to put a movie on and promptly feel back asleep.  I didn't do much but sleep, play Angry Birds and read today.  My shoulder hurts a little, so I had to stop playing the game - I really should know better.

Still working on "Mockingjay" - such a different read than the first two. And, I suppose, there was the naughty feeling that I should be doing something else. I think, sometimes, that has more of an effect than I want to think about.  I have quite a list of books in the line of "to be read", so I need to get my behind in gear.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Bliss List - It's Friday

Can that be all?  It's Friday and I'm glad.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Seven Years and Spring

My co-workers brought me flowers for Easter/Spring today.  Little did they know that today was the seventh anniversary of my start date with this company.  What a lovely way to start the day!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Emotional Rollercoaster

No idea why today was hard.  I just felt really beaten down and disheartened. I'm gonna try to shake it off.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Embarking on a New Journey

Well, friends, I know we have been here before...and I have dropped the ball a few times.

Tomorrow, my VerbTribe course starts. I'm nervous and excited and scared that I will poop out on this journey as I seem to do sometimes. I did set myself up for success this time - this is the only course I'm taking that is time-bound. I don't have another project or show that I'm working on.  I don't anticipate too much chaos at this time.  That's about all anyone can ask, really.

I know that when I fall down on some of my classes/journeys, it is often about resistance and fear. I'm working on it. I working on facing fear, on breaking through the real and perceived barriers. Usually, the main barrier is ME. My brain is a pretty sneaky enemy sometimes, but at least I know it.

Wish me luck, Fellow Rumpusers. I don't think I will need it because I am determined to see this through and walk through the fear and anxiety of exposure and commitment.  I know I am in good hands.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Prepping for VerbTribe

Go to the website...
One more day and then we start...April 4 - May 10...I'm nervous, but excited. I have a few supplies to get and some courage to gather.  It is going to be good and probably life-altering, no matter what happens.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Day of Recuperation

I don't mean to sound ungrateful for the work I do - I love interpreting shows.  As I get older (or is it just having a FULL time job?), I find that I feel the constraints more when I am pulling double-duty.  It is more mentally tiring than it used to be - yesterday, it was very emotionally draining, as well.

Today, I felt the freedom of not having to do anything, not having to think about the show, not feeling guilty if I don't rehearse for another hour. My original plan was to read the third book in my trilogy, but I didn't. I slept A LOT. I watched "Transformers" - brain candy.  Played a couple of video games...I didn't even do any art. I didn't even THINK about doing any art.

Today was all about recuperation.


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