I had an experience last week that taught me a lot about defenselessness.
I went to a meeting where a lot of "feedback" was going to be flung in a person's direction. We all knew that there was the potential for badness, but the receiver came in with a very defense-free stance. "I would like it if you all would spend the first part of the time giving us feedback. When that time is over, we will spend about 5 minutes each responding to concerns by sharing with you how these issues are or will be addressed."
What would it be like to approach all situations from that stance? I'm not sure I can do it, but I really, really, really want to try. Defensiveness creates more blaming which creates more defensiveness which creates more blaming. If, in any given circumstance, we assume that two people have the same desired outcome (I know, that is a big assumption), can we agree to look at the issue, at the circumstances or context surrounding the issue and then take a step to the left or right or to the north or south or east or west and maybe, just maybe see it from the other view? What would it be like to find the problem, solve it and get on with it, no tears, no recriminations, no smug "I told you so"?
Just something I'm thinking about...