So, I have spent much of my life feeling like everyone else was in on the secret - that there were fundamental things that I was supposed to know, but didn't and that somehow that was my fault or something that I should be ashamed of or embarrassed about. I know, logically, as an adult, that this is just not true. Deep down, I still feel it sometimes, and it often prevents me from participating fully.
So, yesterday, after attending a meeting of an organization that has been in and out of disarray and that I have been a member of since 1989 and have not given my full attention to in all that time, I signed up to participate in a way that scares the crap out of me. Not so much because I don't know how to participate, but because I am so scared of letting myself and the organization down. I think I'm a little bit of a commitment-phobe. And this is the first step in trying to fix that.
And coming back to the blog. I have to do it every day. I think that is the only way for me.