Friday, January 8, 2010

Roby,14 Years Seems like Yesterday

At 3:11am on January 8, 1996, Roby Starns left this life. I know that many people do not understand observing this kind of "anniversary", but I realized that I observe many other days that have so little meaning to me.  This day, the day I lost my best friend who was more-than-just-my-best-friend, is one of the days that changed my life completely. How can I ignore this day? How can I go to work and see people and pretend that this day isn't one of the most impactful days of the year for me?

So, every year, I take January 8 off and I celebrate the life of Roby Starns with his mother. We celebrate his birthday, too, but this requires special treatment. Both of us, on this terrible, terrible day, need something to say "This man is not forgotten." On the planet, on this day, if no other day, two people are remembering the life of our beloved.

Roby was not perfect - far from it. But there was a light in him that shone so brightly - sometimes I thought I should look away.  I was a moth to his flame. I don't idealize him - there were many things in our relationship that needed fixing, that might have been different if he hadn't gotten HIV when he was 19 years old.  I like to think that if he had lived, we would have worked through some of that.

Anyway, I miss him.  I know I always will. I'm ok with it - I have had a lot of time to get used to the idea.

Thanks to all my friends out there who remember him, remember his name, remember that he was important to me. It means the world.

Here is a photo of Roby in the AHS production of "Brigadoon" in the "Go Home to Bonnie Jean" number.


  1. I am so glad that you remember him with such passion and ferocity.

    It makes perfect sense to commemorate his passing, in whatever way you do, and I hope you always continue to celebrate him, his life, and his friendship.

  2. I choreographed this show . . . and it was such a joy working with Roby during his high school years. I went looking for him recently, sure that I would find him among the famous, only to find that he is gone from us to the next place. I'm sorry to have never had the chance to tell him what a wonderful kid he was-- and what a wonderful man I thought he would be. I still remember the crazy prom costume you two came up with -- did you make it? one year. Rest assured, you are not the only ones who remember Roby with fondness. He had SUCH a twinkle . . .

    Darva Campbell



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