At 3:11am on January 8, 1996, Roby Starns left this life. I know that many people do not understand observing this kind of "anniversary", but I realized that I observe many other days that have so little meaning to me. This day, the day I lost my best friend who was more-than-just-my-best-friend, is one of the days that changed my life completely. How can I ignore this day? How can I go to work and see people and pretend that this day isn't one of the most impactful days of the year for me?
So, every year, I take January 8 off and I celebrate the life of Roby Starns with his mother. We celebrate his birthday, too, but this day...it requires special treatment. Both of us, on this terrible, terrible day, need something to say "This man is not forgotten." On the planet, on this day, if no other day, two people are remembering the life of our beloved.
Roby was not perfect - far from it. But there was a light in him that shone so brightly - sometimes I thought I should look away. I was a moth to his flame. I don't idealize him - there were many things in our relationship that needed fixing, that might have been different if he hadn't gotten HIV when he was 19 years old. I like to think that if he had lived, we would have worked through some of that.
Anyway, I miss him. I know I always will. I'm ok with it - I have had a lot of time to get used to the idea.
Thanks to all my friends out there who remember him, remember his name, remember that he was important to me. It means the world.
Here is a photo of Roby in the AHS production of "Brigadoon" in the "Go Home to Bonnie Jean" number.