Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Seventeen Years Ago

I know that people often misunderstand my need/desire/insistance to remember Roby every year on the day that he died. I still remember that fateful morning in such detail - I can tell you where we were seated, the blanket that I held, the quilt that the people brought from the mortuary. I can remember the sounds, the sights, what we said, what we did, the wrenching sobs I couldn't hold back.

But that really isn't what this day is about for me anymore. It was about that for a few years, when the wounds were still too fresh and raw and burning. Now, I have scars that sometimes bother me or feel tight.

On this day each year, I remember that life can change in an instant. That a person can be here one day and be gone the next and we still have to get up and walk around as if we didn't just lose a part of ourselves. On this day, I remember Roby Starns. So many times, he said to me, "Don't forget me. I'm afraid no one will remember me."

Although I am far from the only person who remembers him, it is my duty, in friendship, to be the most loyal rememberer, the most dedicated. I have not forgotten. I will not forget. Ever. I do not beat my chest in agony any longer. There is just an ache, almost like my heartbeat, always there, sometimes loud, sometimes so quiet I have to stop breathing for a second to hear it.
I remember Roby Starns.


  1. I want to always hold mine as close as you hold yours.

  2. Hi, Jean. I don't know if you remember me, but I remember you ... and I remember and think of Roby often. I found your blog when I went looking for Roby - the young man I choreographed in that dance for Brigadoon. I remember the costumes you made and wore to the prom. I remember your friendship, and Roby's amazing talent and infectious grin.

    I don't know what you are doing, aside from signing . . . but I am now making movies. If I can help you get back on track with your dreams, I would like to do that. You can find me on Facebook ... Darva Campbell

    1. Thank you for your memories, Darva. I will look you up on Facebook. :) It is good to know the others who carry Roby in their hearts and memories.

  3. I will remember with you
    and help hold your ache.

    1. Jennifer - You are so dear. Thank you, friend.

  4. Ah, Friends - You are so faithful and dear to me here. Thank you for your supportive comments and good thoughts for me and Roby and others we have lost. Thank you, thank you.



Blog Widget by LinkWithin