Sunday, November 11, 2012


So, how sick is it that there is a group of people I want to send gifts to but I'm afraid that they will not understand it, reject it, judge me for it? I have been struggling with this for a long time and what I know is that it is a result of receiving gifts from people who mean well and sometimes miss the mark. People who I think should know me, know who I am and who DO NOT. At all. Then I am mad at myself for not being gracious - it really is the thought that counts. I know this to be true and I allow that to guide me when I might have a less appropriate thought. How to overcome this judgement of myself that I am flinging onto other people and having it bounce back on me, leaving me frozen and unable to act? Just do it, I tell myself. And the little fear monster on my shoulder - not a devil - whispers to me, "Don't embarrass yourself!" The little bastard knows that playing the embarrassment card is the one that will work.

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