"Boys On the Side"

This movie came out within weeks of finding out that Roby had toxoplasmosis and was on medication. He had lost a lot of weight and I knew that this was the beginning of the end. When it came out, the ads didn't say that it was about AIDS - it just looked like a chick-flick road movie. I love Whoopi and Mary Louise Parker and I was happy to go see it to take my mind off of things.

Two of my co-workers invited me to see it one night after work and so we did.

Almost immediately, I realized something was not comedic about the movie and I started to cry about 10 minutes into the movie and didn't stop until about 15-20 minutes after it was over...I was crying so hard I was shaking. Wouldn't you know that I was seated between the two of them. I think I was trying not to make any noise when I wanted to SOB, so the intensity of my emotions went straight into my body and I just shook. I could tell that the two of them were very concerned when I couldn't stop crying after it was over. Finally, we went to our cars (one of them was with me) and went for a drink. I don't really even remember what lie I told to explain why I was so upset, but they took me at my word and didn't really question me much about it.

The scene that I could so relate to was when Whoopi revealed she had a crush on Mary Louise Parker's character and that it had been mutual. And the end...when the camera pans around the room that was so full of life in the last scene. Also, the scene in the garden the morning after Whoopi sets her up with a guy...the intensity of her feelings and her saying that pleasure and being with that guy just served to remind her that she had AIDS... That scene helped me understand Roby more...the times when he would just stop talking to me for a few weeks. I tried to figure out what I had done wrong. Later, when Roby was in the hospital, one night in the quiet of the late night, he told me that sometimes it was all he could do to be around me just because he knew that I knew. He said sometimes he just had to take a break and pretend that he didn't have HIV and that was when he would pick a fight with me or stop talking to me.

I wish they had Whoopi singing on the CD. But the soundtrack is great. I love "I'll Take You with Me" by Melissa Etheridge.