Days Off, Brain Off

One performance down - one more to go. I have the next 4 days off (I will rehearse some for the next performance, but tomorrow and Monday - OFF!!)  I'm going to do art and watch some movies and REST.

Also, my mom is out of the hospital and seems to be doing better. The doctors are doing some aggressive follow-up care which makes me happy.  Thanks for all your kind thoughts, kind words and positive energy.  I really appreciate it.

This weekend's project

Jean, Meet Wall

Stress is not my friend these days. I used to be able to handle it better - now, I just feel like I am being hit by a truck over and over again.

I went to the show tonight after reassuring myself that my mother didn't need anything more from me. It helped relieve some anxiety about the show as the CD and the script are DIFFERENT and the songs are cut up, rearranged and one has even been replaced with an entirely new song.

Mother update: They are keeping her in the hospital to ensure that the antibiotics are working the way they should. Will probably be in a couple more days. At least they are taking good care of her - many times, people get thrown out way before they are better.

Life Happens Sometimes

My mother is in the hospital tonight. The doctor wanted her to have IV antibiotics for some serious infection. Good thoughts are welcome.

Funniest. Story. Ever.

I happened upon this blog a while ago - I don't really remember how.  Today, I read this post which is, as the title of MY blog post suggests, one of the funniest stories ever.  You need to have a sense of humor, the ability to embrace the absurd and an appreciation for well-used swearing to appreciate this post. If you have all that, click  here.

My Kingdom for a Cart

Okay, so, imagine carrying two plastic shopping baskets full of books around a crowded and warm store for five hours. FULL OF BOOKS.  Books are heavy. There's no two ways about it.  Toting them around, setting them down so that you can grab something off the shelf, working your way through the aisles full of jostling, cell-phone-using, gossiping, reading, sitting, standing in clumps people in the heat of the day is not that fun.

A few years ago, Powell's Bookstore invested in some shopping carts that look something like this:

The website says to "enquire" about the product and does not list a price. They can't be THAT expensive, can they? Unless, of course, you have to buy in quantity and pay for the shipping from China. Ha!

This cart has saved my life on more than one occasion.  The first year they had them, there were a bunch and both Kevin and I grabbed one and made short work of the whole endeavor as we didn't have to stop every few minutes to return our arms into the sockets.  The next year, there were only a few, but we still got them. Last year, I got one and Kevin (poor thing) did not. I think Kevin asked about them and the employee said there were only 4 left.

This year, as I was shopping, I spotted one in the early part of BookFest, but I wasn't willing to do more than lurk for a few minutes before giving up the ghost. A couple of hours later, I went back to the location where I have the most luck finding a cart (yeah, I know you thought I was going to tell you where to go, but I'm not) and finally found a cart. It was such a relief to put those baskets in the cart and not have to deal with hands that are sore from holding the hard plastic handles and arms that are sore from carrying what feels like 50+ pounds of books around for several hours.

Once I was pretty close, I realized that I could sit in the coffee room and survey my  book-bounty and Kevin could take the cart around and look at stuff. I think sharing was definitely the way to go. If we find ourselves in a similar situation next year, at least I will know what to do. :)

The beauty of this 17-year tradition is that it is so much fun. We both have these little rituals and traditions that we honor and games we play. We have a certain order we do things in, we have different phases of the day. Today, we laughed so much we both got hoarse by the end of the evening.

All in all, a really spectacular day. The only thing we need to do now is buy carts to hold on standby for next year. :)

Busy-ness Ahead

I have been working late most evenings this week - either at work or at rehearsal. I haven't been able to do much work in my art journal, which is disappointing, but understandable. I went to the show so I got home late tonight, too, and I left my camera in my car, so I don't even have pictures to post of the work I DID do. :)  It's all good.

Tomorrow is BOOKFEST! Yahoo! I'm so excited this year!  Then I'm going to see the show again on Sunday (I think...there was so much dialogue - I feel like I need to hear it at least one more time before the first performance) and rehearsal that evening.

Most excitingly, I am taking next Friday off for a nice, long weekend! I can't wait! Anyway, I'm off to bed.

I Heart BookFest part II

I'm gearing up for BookFest on Saturday!   I can't wait for our annual book buying extravaganza.

Kevin and I had a conversation about how long we have been doing this. I may get this wrong, but as I recall, last year was year 16.  (In 2008, I had put the wrong year when I was writing about it).  I'm pretty sure that the first actual BookFest was in September of 1995 - I remember because I was starting WOU and I realized it was going to be a long time before I could read books for pleasure.  If that is right, then we are coming up on Year 17!

Whether I'm right or wrong, I still think it is amazing that we have still have the fun tradition annually. It's my favorite holiday of the year.

As usual, I don't really have a plan in mind. I have a few books I'm interested in, but I never walk away with what I expected to.  I know I have some old standby things that I look at, but I definitely think I will have some surprises in my pile of goodies.  Perhaps I will post photos this year!

Wednesday Blues

I still don't understand why Wednesdays are the worst day of the week for me...It must be that "hump" day thing or something. It is irritating.

Been celebrating the 2 year anniversary of the big work move this week. Trying to have some fun with it.

"Mary Poppins" is next week - we see it on Friday. It will be interesting to see the show and how different/similar it is to the movie. The music seems a bit darker and they changed some of the lyrics and added some songs. I'll be glad when I've seen it - it always helps me when I have some kind of visual reference.

#Trust30 Day 17: Invent the Future

Invent the Future by Cindy Gallop

A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

My favorite quote of all time is Alan Kay: ‘In order to predict the future, you have to invent it.’ I am all about inventing the future. Decide what you want the future to be and make it happen. Because you can. Write about your future now.

(Author: Cindy Gallop)

My future...it seems so strange to think about that. I spent so many years not really thinking about "the future" because it involved things I didn't want to consider. After ten years, that habit is firmly embedded in me. Now, all these years later (26 years...), it is a hard habit to break.

What I do know - My future will have art and theatre, family, friends, music and books. I hope to continue to do BookFest with Kevin and enjoy taking classes, doing art journaling and maybe even relaxing more than I do now. :)

Goals for the future:  write a book, finish my degree, work on improving my interpreting again (I don't want to be rusty but sometimes I feel rusty).

That's about all I can muster for now.

Working on a New Journal

I'm working on a new journal for my class from Kelly Kilmer. I got a little stuck though, so I decided to take a couple of days off.  Working on "Mary Poppins" right now, so time is precious.

First day of summer is tomorrow. I hope it doesn't get or stay too hot. Nice weather, I'm all for it, but HOT - no thanks!

Fonts and Layouts and Templates, Oh My!

I read an article today about Fonts and which fonts are good to use (in general) and which are bad.  I'm pretty sure that the new font I'm using on the blog would end up on the "BAD" list...for some reason, though, I have been craving a font that looks different...I may have to keep experimenting - I don't want it to be hard to read, I just want it to have some personality. It's kind of like driving a yellow car or liking screaming Pink - you can't just have the regular thing. It needs to be amped up a notch. If you find this font too hard to read or annoying, please let me know. I will probably go back to something more normal soon - I just needed a change...

#Trust 30 Day 20: Speak Less

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey. Sign up below to receive the prompts by email. If you like this pledge, check out reverb10, it's inspiring. 

Speak Less by Laura Kimball

What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder, because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know I. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I once received a fortune cookie that read: “Speak less of your plans, you’ll get more done.” What’s one project that you’ve been sitting on and thinking about but haven’t made progress on? What’s stopping you? What would happen if you actually went for it and did it?

(Author: Laura Kimball)

This project really is something that I am interested in, but I just can't bring myself to go here online.  I know that I have shared lots and lots of personal things here, but I feel so strongly that I can't answer these questions in a format like this. I read the questions daily and I think about what I might want to say, but I don't want to say it here.  Feeling a little frustrated, but it is my own barrier that is holding me back. Sigh.

New Look?

Of course I am doing that Saturday, "I want to change the look of my blog" search. I found a place where there were some cool templates, but I can't seem to get it to work, even though I am following the instructions EXACTLY.  So, keep your eyes pealed - there may be some more color and fun on the blog soon. I'm working on it.

#Trust30 - Evaluating

I have decided that I will continue with #Trust30, but I may not answer every question - some of them seem amazingly similar and there are also certain things I prefer not to discuss here on my blog.  I will complete the challenge because I don't like to start these things without completing them, but I have been feeling frustrated as the questions haven't necessarily sparked my creativity or true introspection on most of the days.

Glad it is Friday as I worked my behind off this week.  I'm looking forward to sleeping in and working on my art journal. I have to work on "Mary Poppins" this weekend, too, but I'm still looking forward to some TIME OFF!

Bees, Pens and Art Journaling

This is before adding some penwork or journaling.

Last page of journal - pre penwork.

This is the most pen work I have added to any of the pages so far. Still working on finding unique and interesting ways to embellish. 

#Trust30 Day 16: Wholly Strange and New

Wholly Strange and New by Bridget Pilloud

When good is near you, when you have life in yourself, it is not by any known or accustomed way; you shall not discern the foot-prints of any other; you shall not see the face of man; you shall not hear any name;—— the way, the thought, the good, shall be wholly strange and new. - Ralph Waldo Emerson


Can you remember a moment in your life when you had life in yourself and it was wholly strange and new? Can you remember the moment when you stopped walking a path of someone else, and started cutting your own?


Write about that moment. And if you haven’t experienced it yet, let the miracle play out in your mind’s eye and write about that moment in your future.


(Author: Bridget Pilloud)

I remember a day, about a month after Roby died. It was February and the sun was shining - it was one of those teaser days where the weather turns spring-like and we all take off our coats for a week and then it goes back to being all gray and gloomy and winter-like.  I went out to lunch with a friend in NW Portland - I think we went to Santa Fe. Roby and I had eaten there together a million times and at Maya's (the sister restaurant downtown).  It was a Roby place.

My friend and I both worked in K-12, so I'm thinking we probably met on President's Day or something like that...maybe MLK day.  I remember sitting at the table talking to John about how things were going and I smiled - the first genuine, non-tortured smile, the first smile I didn't feel all my grief rushing up through me. He noticed and asked me about it. It was that moment - a brief lunch with a friend - when I realized that it would all be okay. It wouldn't be easy, but my life wasn't over.  We started talking about walking the path alone - that afternoon, I started to realize that I didn't really know myself anymore - incremental changes had really obscured my own preferences. When Roby started getting sick - actually showing some symptoms - everything tasted too salty to him, so we changed where we ate when we went out. He liked horror movies, so we saw those. I knew our time was limited together, so I accommodated. I didn't mind, but after years of that, I realized I didn't recognize myself.

Sometimes I still don't, but after all these years (it will be 16 years this January), I'm mostly settled into myself and who I am.

Even so, there are things to discover that are wholly strange and new. That's what keeps ups coming back for more, right?

#Trust30 Day 15: One Thing

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey. Sign up below to receive the prompts by email. If you like this pledge, check out reverb10, it's inspiring. 

One Thing by Colin Wright

Do your work, and I shall know you. Do your work, and you shall reinforce yourself. – Ralph Waldo Emerson


Take a moment, step back from your concerns, and focus on one thing: You have one life to achieve everything you’ve ever wanted. Sounds simple, but when you really focus on it, let it seep into your consciousness, you realize you only have about 100 years to get every single thing you’ve ever wanted to do. No second chances. This is your only shot. Suddenly, this means you should have started yesterday. No more waiting for permission or resources to start. Today is the day you make the rest of your life happen. Write down one thing you’ve always wanted to do and how you will achieve that goal. Don’t be afraid to be very specific in how you’ll achieve it: once you start achieving, your goals will get bigger and your capability to meet them will grow.


(Author: Colin Wright)

I have to start reading these prompts in the morning so that I will have time to think about my answers and try to answer them seriously.

Right now, I have two goals that I have long wanted to accomplish - to write a book and to finish my degree.  I don't know how/where/when to start writing my book and I don't even have a twinkle of an idea right now, so I will start with the less "sexy" goal of finishing my degree.

The first thing I need to do is get my transcripts looked at and then I need to determine how I want to do it. I used to think online would be the best way, but I spend so much time online, now I think maybe it would be better to actually spend some time in class with live bodies.  I should take a class a term...but first, I need to get my transcripts looked at.

That's all I have in me tonight. Perhaps I will revisit this tomorrow.

#Trust30 Day 14: Alternative Paths

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey.  If you like this pledge, check out reverb10, it's inspiring. 

Alternative Paths by Jonathan Fields

When good is near you, when you have life in yourself, it is not by any known or accustomed way; you shall not discern the foot-prints of any other; you shall not see the face of man; you shall not hear any name; the way, the thought, the good, shall be wholly strange and new. - Ralph Waldo Emerson


The world buzzes about goals and visions. Focus. Create a vivid picture of exactly where you want to go. Dream big, then don’t let anything or anyone stop you. The problem, as Daniel Gilbert wrote in Stumbling Upon Happiness, is that we’re horrible at forecasting how we’ll really feel 10 or 20 years from now – once we’ve gotten what we dreamed of. Often, we get there only to say, “That’s not what I thought it would be,” and ask, “What now?” Ambition is good. Blind ambition is not. It blocks out not only distraction, but the many opportunities that might take you off course but that may also lead you in a new direction. Consistent daily action is only a virtue when bundled with a willingness to remain open to the unknown. In this exercise, look at your current quest and ask, “What alternative opportunities, interpretations and paths am I not seeing?” They’re always there, but you’ve got to choose to see them.


(Author: Jonathan Fields)

Right now, I am working on enjoying life a little. I worked so hard and so long.  Now, my alternative paths involve art, enjoyment, some fun. Some "me" time.  Maybe there are some alternative ways to pursue these things. I will have to choose to find them.

#Trust30 Day 13: Surprise

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey. Sign up below to receive the prompts by email. If you like this pledge, check out reverb10, it's inspiring. 

Surprise by Ashley Ambirge

I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. – Ralph Waldo Emerson


Think of a time when you didn’t think you were capable of doing something, but then surprised yourself. How will you surprise yourself this week?


(Author: Ashley Ambirge)

How will I surprise myself this week, huh? I'm not sure. I haven't really done anything that surprising in a long time. I think that part of the reason that is true is because I worry about EVERYTHING, so I realized a long time ago that just because I worry about it or think I can't do it doesn't mean that what I think about is TRUE. Mostly, my brain thinks about all the "other outcomes" but generally, I have positive ones.  I think that experience takes the surprise out of things because I know myself well enough to know that I will doubt myself or worry or come up with "worst case scenarios" but they don't usually come true and I'm not so surprised by that anymore.

Bee-Cutter

I have been working on my art journal a lot recently - I find it very zen.  Yesterday, one of the things I did was go into my computer and find images I have collected over time and put them on a collage page to use in my work.  One of the things I found was a section of Winnie-the-Pooh art (if you don't know this about me, I LOVE WTP!) and I put some bees on the page.  Then, after realizing that sometimes due to the size of different images, there are sometimes these weird gaps on a page, so I decided that anywhere I had a gap like that, I would put bees.  Pretty soon, I had little bees and big bees all over the collage pages.

As I was working on my art journal, I decided that I would put a little something-something on every page I make - an identifier.  Not that anyone really cares, I just thought it might be something fun.  So, I picked the bees and I put one on every page of my completed journal.  Now I just have to write in it!

Today, I spent some time cutting bees while watching a pre-Tony Awards program about "Wicked", "Taboo", "Avenue Q" and "Caroline or Change". I have a headache, so I'm missing a party I was supposed to go to, but I couldn't do the social thing with a migraine. I realized that I needed  a place to keep the bees and finally found something.  Here's a glimpse:

#Trust30 Day 12: Fear

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey. Sign up below to receive the prompts by email. If you like this pledge, check out reverb10, it's inspiring.


Fear by Lachlan Cotter

These are the voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world. Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. – Ralph Waldo Emerson


Is fear holding you back from living your fullest life and being truly self expressed? Put yourself in the shoes of the you who’s already lived your dream and write out the answers to the following:


Is the insecurity you’re defending worth the dream you’ll never realize? or the love you’ll never venture? or the joy you’ll never feel?

Whether it is worth it or not, my insecurities are real enough and part of the process of realizing dreams is working through those issues so that you CAN fully enjoy, fully realize and fully experience love and joy and success.

If I knew how to drop these demons without the work, I would do it, but I do sometimes wonder if we would appreciate the outcome as much of the path was easy. People don't climb Mt. Everest because it is easy.  Keep climbing. Keep trying.


Will the blunder matter in 10 years? Or 10 weeks? Or 10 days? Or 10 minutes?
Nope.


Can you be happy being anything less than who you really are?
Nope. And you have to keep working to figure out who that person is and what she wants. Once you do, everything will fall into place.


Now Do. The Thing. You Fear.


(Author: Lachlan Cotter)

Journey of You - Art Journaling class

I haven't been posting my art journal pages here on the main page of the blog lately, but I have been pretty active in the last couple of weeks. I started my class with Kelly Kilmer called "Journey of You" or "J.O.Y." and it has been exactly that.  The newest pages can be found here.

So far, I think this page is my favorite so far:

I just like the sunny yellow quality and I loved the texure of the color pieces on the left side. I wish I had more of that...

This is the cover of the journal. This is a special journal that I made myself for this class. To do it, you will have to pop over to Kelly's site and take the class yourself! :)

#Trust30 Day 11: Divine Idea

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey. Sign up below to receive the prompts by email. If you like this pledge, check out reverb10, it's inspiring.

Divine Idea by Fabian Kruse

Imitation is Suicide. Insist on yourself; never imitate. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Write down in which areas of your life you have to overcome these suicidal tendencies of imitation, and how you can transform them into a newborn you – one that doesn’t hide its uniqueness, but thrives on it. There is a “divine idea which each of us represents” – which is yours?

(Author: Fabian Kruse)

When I read some of these prompts, I feel like they are talking to someone else - my life just isn't that grand and maybe isn't even that purpose-full. It is somewhat uncomfortable to realize that maybe I just don't think in these terms...

Anyway, the one way that I have not imitated and have embraced my uniqueness is in my grief process. I was so lucky that I was not constrained by the societal "shoulds" - I could tell that my grieving process was sometimes misunderstood or made people uncomfortable after Roby died, but I was so raw - like someone had stripped all the skin off my body. My family had never taught me some of the repressive ways of the American grieving process (pacing, covering up, not talking about it, etc.).  I couldn't do anything that looked or sounded like pretending - it just WAS. I was sort of surprised daily by waking up still alive, so the rest sort of just happened.

Once I worked through the rawest stages and as I was frantically reading books about death and dying, I realized that I had been given an incredible gift by the people who knew me - space and time to grieve in the way I needed - and that many people don't have that luxury. As I have moved along through the world, I have tried to support others in their grief process - in knowing that it is different for each person and that honoring your own process is so important.

I guess this is one area where I have really followed my own path. Maybe it wasn't MY divine idea, but it ended up being something I believe, something I support and something that I try to remember every day.

#Trust30 Day 10: Your Personal Message

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey. If you like this pledge, check out reverb10, it's inspiring.
 
Your Personal Message by Eric Handler

To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, that is genius. – Ralph Waldo Emerson


What is burning deep inside of you? If you could spread your personal message RIGHT NOW to 1 million people, what would you say?


(Author: Eric Handler)

I'm not sure I have a message for a million people.

I believe in kindness and forgiveness. I believe that art can't hurt you. I believe that there is abundance in the world and if we just believe in that, we can change how we relate to everything. Since all of this is difficult for me to live out on a day-to-day basis, I just keep telling myself my own message.  For me, I want to try to be as authentic as possible and try to follow what I believe in my own life.

That is all.   

#Trust30 Day 9: Afraid to Do

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey. If you like this pledge, check out reverb10, it's inspiring.

Afraid to Do by Mary Jaksch

The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson


Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” What is ‘too scary’ to write about? Try doing it now.


(Author: Mary Jaksch)

Interesting. I don't think things are "too scary" to write about - I just have things I choose not to write about for various reasons, particularly on a public forum like this blog.  The other thing I will say, which is somewhat scary to write (from my own perspective), is that I am finding this challenge quite difficult. I feel a little hypocritical because I have been wanting to focus and do a theme, however, this kind of self-reflection isn't really resonating for me. I can't decide whether or not it is because I did the #reverb10 and some of these issues have already been addressed this year (like the letter to your past and future selves) or because I'm just not feeling it.

Not living up to commitments, even when the agreement is only with myself, is one scary thing. I feel like my word is the most important thing that I have, so I don't like to leave things undone.  I will continue this journey, but I have been judging myself pretty harshly because I'm struggling to say something meaningful about each prompt. I'm going to stop doing that and just go with it.

#Trust30 Day 8: Five Years

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey. If you like this pledge, check out reverb10, it's inspiring.

Five Years by Corbett Barr

There will be an agreement in whatever variety of actions, so they be each honest and natural in their hour. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What would you say to the person you were five years ago? What will you say to the person you’ll be in five years?

(Author: Corbett Barr)

Letter to Five-Years-Ago Jean:

Buy that yellow car! You will love it for a LONG TIME!  Start taking classes to finish your degree. Have more fun. Do more art. Read more. Go to the beach. Use up your PTO. Don't take everything so seriously.

Jean

Letter to Future Jean:

It should be getting easier, not harder. Keep doing things to lead you to joy. Read more. Have more fun. Do more art. Go to the beach. Use up your PTO. Don't take everything so seriously. You could finish your degree. Do it if you want to and get a degree in something you like.

Jean

#Trust30 Day 7: Dare to Be Bold

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey. Sign up below to receive the prompts by email. If you like this pledge, check out reverb10, it's inspiring.

Dare to be bold by Matt Cheuvront

Our arts, our occupations, our marriages, our religion, we have not chosen, but society has chosen for us. We are parlour soldiers. We shun the rugged battle of fate, where strength is born. – Ralph Waldo Emerson


“Next to Resistance, rational thought is the artist or entrepreneurs worst enemy. Bad things happen when we employ rational thought, because rational thought comes from the ego. Instead, we want to work from the Self, that is, from instinct and intuition, from the unconscious.


A child has no trouble believing the unbelievable, nor does the genius or the madman. Its only you and I, with our big brains and our tiny hearts, who doubt and overthink and hesitate.” - Steven Pressfield, Do the Work


The idea of “being realistic” holds all of us back. From starting a business or quitting a job to dating someone who may not be our type or moving to a new place – getting “real” often means putting your dreams on hold.


Today, let’s take a step away from rational thought and dare to be bold. What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to accomplish but have been afraid to pursue? Write it down. Also write down the obstacles in your way of reaching your goal. Finally, write down a tangible plan to overcome each obstacle.


The only thing left is to, you know, actually go make it happen. What are you waiting for?


(Author: Matt Cheuvront)

The only thing I can think of that I have always wanted to do, since I was old enough to talk, was to write a book.  The joke in my family was that I would write the book and my sister would illustrate it. I never let go of that dream/idea until well after I graduated high school. I think it was one of the dreams put aside "temporarily" when Roby was diagnosed with HIV.  I still always thought that I would write a book - sometimes I still do.

 Obstacles:

• Me. That's the main obstacle. In more than one way
• I haven't made the time.
• I don't have the confidence in my writing anymore - not like I did when I was a kid.
• Fear can be a powerful deterrent - fear of failure, fear of success, fear of criticism, fear of the unknown.

The plan:

I actually started a plan and started writing last year. I have been writing "Roby stories" because I think that is the place any book(s) I would write would start. That story is the one that sometimes leaps in my chest to get out. Not just about his illness and our experience of that - the funny stories, the goofy things we did, the happy memories I have and our times together. It would be a friendship story, not a tragedy. It has a tragic ending, but there was a lot of good in the story, too.

So, concrete plan is to return to my original plan - write about 750 words a day - gather the stories in one place - just get them out and then go back and start the crafting of the words.

Once I start crafting the words, I will look at the writing classes at PCC - they have several "Memoir" classes - that would be a place to start on a more serious path. 

#Trust30 Day 6: Come Alive

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey. Sign up below to receive the prompts by email. If you like this pledge, check out reverb10, it's inspiring.

Come Alive by Jonathan Mead

Life wastes itself while we are preparing to live. – Ralph Waldo Emerson


If you had one week left to live, would you still be doing what you are doing now? In what areas of your life are you preparing to live? Take them off your To Do list and add them to a To Stop list. Resolve to only do what makes you come alive.


Bonus: How can your goals improve the present and not keep you in a perpetual “always something better” spiral?


(Author: Jonathan Mead)

If I had a week left to live, I would rent the condo at the beach, take my favorite movies and musicals and my art journal and I would take off until the end. I would probably just sit on the balcony most of the time listening to the waves. I would invite friends and family to come on over so we could tell some stories and say whatever we needed to.

Even though I am not currently living at the beach doing nothing (who can afford to do that ALL THE TIME), I feel pretty good about where I'm at right now. When I feel like I'm not "living", I figure out what I need to do and I try to do it - make time to be with friends, enjoy art, take a class, visit my friends out of town, take off to the beach a couple of times a year.  I'm not there 100% of the time, but I don't spend a lot of time thinking about "someday". You never know, so it is better to try to keep up as you go along.

#Trust30 Day 5: Travel

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey. Sign up below to receive the prompts by email. If you like this pledge, check out reverb10, it's inspiring.


Travel by Chris Guillebeau
If we live truly, we shall see truly. - Ralph Waldo Emerson


Not everyone wants to travel the world, but most people can identify at least one place in the world they’d like to visit before they die. Where is that place for you, and what will you do to make sure you get there?


(Author: Chris Guillebeau)

I actually want to revisit some of the places I saw as a child. When we moved, we moved far, far from the last location and I never saw those homes again. I would love to go back to Wiesbaden, I would love to visit Uncle Paul's house, the schools I went to on Crestview (the base housing area). I would love to go to Switzerland again and to some of the castles that we saw.

As for places I have never been, I would love to go to Greece someday. And lately, I have been thinking about some of those green-blue water places like Bali or Tahiti or even Hawaii, which surprises even me. I think I would like going somewhere where the water is warmer and you could actually put your feet or hands or body in it and not turn into a Pacific Popsicle.

What will I do to ensure that I get there before I die? I'm not sure.  I think I need to narrow the list - figure out what is more important - the unknown or the previsously known. Sometimes, things live so vividly in our memory that revisiting them dims the memory or tarnishes it somehow - takes away the shine.  I wouldn't want to do that, but I feel like I missed so much just because I was so young and I wasn't always paying attention.  I don't have a deep-seated need to travel like some people do because I did that when I was a kid.  I have a lot of things that seem to be a higher priority for me than world travel. Maybe I will change my mind, but I doubt it.

#Trust 30 Day 4: Post-it Question

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey. Sign up below to receive the prompts by email. If you like this pledge, check out reverb10, it's inspiring.


Post-it Question by Jenny Blake


That which each can do best, none but his Maker can teach him. Where is the master who could have taught Shakespeare? Where is the master who could have instructed Franklin, or Washington, or Bacon, or Newton? . . . Shakespeare will never be made by the study of Shakespeare. Do that which is assigned you, and you cannot hope too much or dare too much. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Identify one of your biggest challenges at the moment (ie I don’t feel passionate about my work) and turn it into a question (ie How can I do work I’m passionate about?) Write it on a post-it and put it up on your bathroom mirror or the back of your front door. After 48-hours, journal what answers came up for you and be sure to evaluate them.
Bonus: tweet or blog a photo of your post-it.
(Author: Jenny Blake)

*I am not at home and I don't ahve any stickies or anything to write with at the moment. I will do this, but it will be a hybrid. :)

How can I add more balance to my life to allow me to continue to be passionate about my work but to have an enriching personal life, as well?

(This one was EASY...so far...maybe the answers won't be.)

#Trust30 Day 3: One Strong Belief

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey. Sign up below to receive the prompts by email. If you like this pledge, check out reverb10, it's inspiring.

One Strong Belief by Buster Benson
It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

The world is powered by passionate people, powerful ideas, and fearless action. What’s one strong belief you possess that isn’t shared by your closest friends or family? What inspires this belief, and what have you done to actively live it?
(Author: Buster Benson)

I am struggling to determine whether I am having resistance to the idea of "going deep" in these exercises or if I'm just not in the right space to answer these questions or if I am scared to answer because my answers might not measure up.  There are so many people participating in the project whom I admire and that can sometimes be intimdating - I feel like I have to be poetic or profound. The good news is that I don't let that stop me. I keep writing. I keep putting one foot in front of the other. That's all I can do right now.

I am passionate about many things and I try to stand for what I believe. I don't compare my beliefs to other people's, generally speaking, because it simply does no good. I cannot change anyone's mind if they don't want their mind to be changed and vice versa.

I guess the one thing that I believe that I try to remember and I try to live out and show through example is that everything is about a choice we make. Even NOT making a choice is a choice. I know this and I have to relearn it every day. 

#Trust30 Day 2: Today

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey. Sign up below to receive the prompts by email. If you like this pledge, check out reverb10, it's inspiring.

Today by Liz Danzico
Your genuine action will explain itself, and will explain your other genuine actions. Your conformity explains nothing. The force of character is cumulative. – Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

If ‘the voyage of the best ship is a zigzag line of a hundred tacks,’ then it is more genuine to be present today than to recount yesterdays. How would you describe today using only one sentence? Tell today’s sentence to one other person. Repeat each day.
(Author: Liz Danzico)

Today I connected with people I love, the career I love and stayed true to the person I want to be and it was good.