Disclosure

So, I have really been struggling recently to bring something fresh and interesting here to the blog. I have been frustrated with myself and wondering what is happening and yet, a bit paralyzed in terms of changing it.

This year started so strong for me - I had classes and projects and plans and then I got overwhelmed and fell into my usual "If I can't do it perfectly, then I won't do it" pattern. I hate that. And I hate that I know it because you can't un-know yourself once you have figured out a pattern. That doesn't mean you won't still fall into the traps and pitfalls but, for me, it means I'm madder at myself for it because I KNOW.

Here's the other thing - I have a friend who is always posting all these photos and sayings on Facebook. A lot of them are about being kind to ourselves and letting go of perfection. In my heart, I understand and agree with those ideas. But in the part of my brain that controls most of my day, I feel like giving myself a break is laziness or weakness. Like maybe what they are talking about isn't THIS. I know it probably sounds crazy, but that's where it is right now.

I think I will set a goal for myself to complete one of my classes that I started at the beginning of the year. I have been reading more (yay!), so I have made progress on that front. I think I just overwhelmed myself with too many things. I need to go step by step on one thing at a time. I realized recently that online classes with discussion groups are a bit overwhelming for me. I have to learn how to balance it all out.

Anyway, a lot of this has been floating around in my brain and finally gelled a little bit tonight, so I thought I would just put it out there.