Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Joy Diet: Desire

So, I'm a little late. This chapter, Desire, really made me think for a while.

I thought about what it is that I REALLY desire - not things, but out of life. I have been nervous about this chapter because, truthfully, I was not sure I was going to like what I saw when I started looking at my life.

I think I have several desires right now that are not being well served.

1. I want more balance in my life. I have to practice saying no, to choosing quiet, to peace. I work too much and while I love it, it burns me out quickly, so I have to find ways to create and choose balance in my world.

2. I want to spend more time being creative. I have this deep desire to CREATE, to make, to color, to have something beautiful and tangible when I am done with a project. Spreadsheets just aren't doing it for me, as lovely as they can be. Another creative outlet I am interested in is Storytelling, although I haven't figured that one out at this point. I should just start. Just START.

3. I want to have a positive impact on people. Managing is having an impact, but it doesn't really count for what I mean. I think interpreting counts, but I know there is some work or endeavor out there that will allow me to make a difference in a meaningful way. I need to explore this more...the thought is not well-developed, but it is there.

4. I desire a more connected life. I have so enjoyed getting to know folks via my blog and some of the activities that I do, but I long for more. I am going on vacation next week to Dave Walley's Hot Springs Spa and Resort with my good friends. I only get to see them once or twice a year right now, so it is pretty lonely sometimes. I am so busy working, I don't really make enough time to connect with my people here and I miss that. I miss FUN.

So the part in the book that I seem to always struggle with is "Let Your Desire Become Your Intention". In the telecourse, we have discussed intention and not splitting our intention, not splitting our focus. I think, for me, I need to figure out HOW to implement...I find that often, when I start paying attention to something I want or a way of being I want to change (to add or subtract a behavior), all the demons come out and I can't get through the noise of it. Sometimes, I will have been really intentionally making something happen, making it work and as soon as I label it, I stumble.

So, my final desire is to understand my intentions and start throwing off the split intentions, exorcising the demons so that I can continue to work towards those desires.

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