Love Changes Everything: I. Krishnamurti

"The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstacy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed." ~ I. Krishnamurti

At 3:11 AM  on 1/8/96, Roby Starns died of complications from AIDS.  

Roby was one of my world-transforming loves.  I am lucky enough to have had more than one in my life.  I know that is rare.

I know that I talk about him a lot in this blog - he is one of the reasons I started it.  When he was sick in the hospital, he kept saying, "Promise me you won't forget about me."  He didn't understand that he was unforgettable.  I never could convince him of the extent of my devotion and love.

I miss his hands - he had beautiful long fingers and his hands were very graceful.  I always wanted him to learn to sign because I knew that he had the perfect hands for using ASL.  I miss his eyes - he had wide, curious eyes that took in everything, measure it and stored it away for later use.  I miss his laugh - hearty, full of life, unrestrained.  I miss his teasing - he always teased me about EVERYTHING.  I miss his smell- when we were in high school, he always wore Opium cologne. I can't smell that without being jetted back to those days.  Later on, he wore Kouros cologne by Yves St. Laurent.  I wear it now - it has a fresh, clean smell.  When I wear it, I feel his energy with me.   

I will go to the cemetery today, visit with Shirlee (Roby's mom) and remember a life that was ended too soon.  He was 29 years old.  

Dearest Spirit

In Memory of Roby Starns

dearest
your soul kissed 
grace to me.

while I wish forever
everything together
always
you go alone.

spirit
say “adieu”

so I can let Pain
like fire
RAGE
until Heaven whispers
“Now, with passion
beauty, heart, light, truth
Do Smile.
Never Resist Life.”

Jean A. Miller
Copyright 2001

I will never forget you, Roby Starns.  Not even when I'm 100.