Connectedness and Emotion

My second interpreted performance of "Wicked" was today. I had friends in the audience and it was a matinee. I don't love matinee performances as it is not the time of day I feel most energized and alert, but I tried to set myself up for success. I had rehearsed the heck out of it since the last performance, knowing where my trouble spots were.  I decided to take as much of the positive energy from my tribe as I could and channel it into the performance.

I had a few rough spots and a couple of silly mistakes, but overall, I think it went very well. My hands were shaking before the show, which is unusual. I had eaten, so I'm pretty sure it was nerves and emotion.  This was cemented when I almost started crying like 3 times during the show. Luckily, the tears came at appropriate moments - during, "I'm Not That Girl", "Defying Gravity" and "No Good Deed".

I felt really connected to the character of Elphaba this time - in a way I haven't before. I was thinking about it on the way home today and I realized that she is like Mark in "RENT" - a little alone, an observer, somewhat misunderstood.  Their lives are not conventional in some ways and I sometimes feel that way - like my life's purpose is not on the traditional trajectory - marry, kids, happily ever after. I am a recorder, a watcher, I have other things I'm supposed to do.  I think I'm okay with that, but sometimes, it is just the realization that other people experience that, see that happen to people.  I don't know if that was all it was - it was good to have people from my tribe there - I felt like something was really complete in the day for me.

Anyway, it was a good day. I'm exhausted but happy.