Waiting and Waiting

I spent a good portion of the day waiting and wondering about a potential change in the industry that I work in. The news never came in any meaningful way, so I just waited and waited. I had a strange day - new people coming in, meetings outside of the office.  It has really been a strange week - everyone is feeling it.  I hope next week is more on an even keel.

I am looking forward to doing some art this weekend, something that is not about work. I have missed my art journal and my glue and scissors and thinking about making things. It has been a while since I have been able to do any of that.

Confidence Crisis

I am thinking about setting up some kind of interpreting practice group - practice sounds weird in this context, but I don't know what else to call it.

Since I don't interpret all day every day, I feel like I'm in a vacuum and I want to interpret some stuff with other people around to give me information/feedback/support.  At the same time, it is terrifying to think of it. I've been an interpreter for a long time but being out of the loop there is always this little, niggling voice saying that I don't have it anymore.  I want to shut that voice up.

The October Curse

This will be the seventh October at my job. Every year, October is the hardest month of the year. I have waxed on about this in a bunch of posts - probably even recently.  I warned my new boss that I tend to stress out and that this year, I was going to put an end to it. I know the pattern - it is predictable and therefore, preventable.  October doesn't have to be hell month. Right? Right.  Riiiigggghhht. right?

Yeah. Not so much. 

Let's just say that it is going to be an interesting month and at the end of it there will be "The Month She Took a Vacation". :)  Not vacation for a month, although that is a good idea... 

More to come. 

Back in the Saddle on a Crazy Day

Back to doing some interpreting. I've been thinking lately that I need to just set up a practice time to keep my skills sharp. I think that I'm fine for most things, but I don't want to be fine. I want to be the best interpreter I can be. It isn't the product that seems to be the problem (most of the time) - it is the brain...my brain doesn't work as fast - I have to sweep the dust off every once in a while.  So, I'm thinking about an interpreting project for myself, too.   I have a lot of things on my mind lately, apparently.  And I want to do them all NOW!  Patience is one of the lessons I'm supposed to learn in this life.

New Header?

Of course, I didn't copy the G at the end... Well, duh.

My Next Project

I want to do this project for my next foray into art journaling. I can tell when I slow down on one type that I'm looking for an expanded version or some new skill. This one seems to combine lots of things I'm interested in.

I have 2 composition books ready and waiting. I just need to get my act together.

This is from the blog where the project is outlined. Can't wait to do it.

When No One is Looking - KITB

From Kick In The Blog:  So, who are you today? Is it who you thought you'd be?


The photo from the above post was what really intrigued me. It said, "You are who you are when no one is looking."  To that end, I thought I would write a little about when no one is looking.

When no one is looking, I'm playing solitaire with my headphones on and tears roll down my face when I hear the music that I'm playing. It isn't that I'm listening to sad songs - I'm not...it is the beauty of the music and the catharsis that music brings. When no one is looking, I'm singing to some Broadway musical in my car at the top of my lungs. When no one is looking, I'm loving "Glee" and watching the jukebox on the DVD - especially the episodes with Kristin Chenowith.  When no one is looking, I'm looking at decorating magazines and wishing I was a little more crafty or a little more daring. I love Chris Colfer and I hope he has an incredible career ahead of him - when I watch him, I wish Roby were still alive to see his character and to see his star rise. When no one is looking, I still behave as if someone is looking - I'm a rule-follower - it gives me boundaries and parameters. I don't know why - I think I really was born with that sense. I don't remember ever being any different - I like knowing the expectations and then I like living up to them.

It is interesting to think about how we are different when we are with other people and how we are alone.  I think this goes back to one of my recent posts about dreaming - the same goes with living, in many ways. I just realized a long time ago that I am who I am and I make few apologies for it (notice I didn't say NO apologies...).  Obviously, we go into a work situation differently than a family gathering - maybe not personality-wise, but just in terms of appropriate behavior. From my experiences moving around as a child to the losses I've had as an adult, I have just always felt that pretending was too big a waste of time. I've got stuff to do and I just want to get to it.

Kickintheblog.com is the brainchild of Jessica Rosenberg ~ It's my life...
Come back often for new prompts to kick you out of your blogging rut! 

School Days

From NaBloPoMo:  If you could return to any grade in school, which one would you want to do again?

I think it is funny that most prompts for journals and blogs ask you to remember things about your past and often ask about things you want to relive or they ask you to imagine the future or they ask you to talk to yourself in 10 years...I don't really do any of those things, for the most part.
 
HOWEVER 

Since I have been using the prompts to help me stay on track with writing something regularly, I decided to play along with this one.  At first, I thought maybe I would want to relive something from high school, but after some thought, there is one grade that always comes up for me when I think about school - Grade 2.

Jean in Grade 2. Sorry for holes.

Second grade was when I lived in Crestview Housing in Wiesbaden, Germany. The elementary school for that military housing development was unique. Obviously, I don't know the whys and wherefores of it - I was 8 years old. Grades 1-3 (maybe kindergarten but I never saw those kids) were held in classrooms that were converted from old maid's quarters located in the stairwells of the base housing.  I think there were 3-4 buildings where the classes were held. I didn't start there until second grade.  My teacher was Ms. Ballantine.  She was from Vermont and she talked about skiing sometimes. I didn't really know much about skiing.  (Sometime that year, I saw a movie called "The Other Side of the Mountain" about a famous skiier who was paralyzed in a skiing accident - little bit traumatic for me...).  I think she was engaged. She had beautiful red hair and one of her hands was not functional. I loved her. I did all I could to please her. Our room had a foyer (I had never heard of that until then) and a coat room. We hung our coats and left our lunches in the coat room and moved into the classroom.  We sang patriotic songs every morning before classes started. She read "Charlotte's Web" other classic books to us.

Second grade was one of my favorite years.

 


 

KITB: What Do You Dream?

From Kick in the Blog:  We live our lives day in and day out and all of us harbor some dream or other. Whether we believe that dream will ever be realized is neither here nor there.

What's your dream? Is it for you? For your kids? Can it come true?Do you even really want it to?

The way I dream changed the day Roby told me he had AIDS.  In those terrifying hours, a new way of thinking took over for me and I still feel the effects of that day, that event.  We stopped thinking about our future in terms of decades and years and started living in the now.  I think I mostly do that still and there are definitely pros and cons.

When I turned 30, I realized that I had no idea what I was going to do with the rest of my life - I had never imagined being 30 because I had always known that Roby would not be around by the time I got there.  I realized that I had to figure out what the hell I was going to do and get to it.  

Now, I dream and do.  I still have dreams of writing, so I write. I take workshops and keep the blog and write emails at work. Maybe that will be enough - maybe someday, I will write something more.  I dream of being art-ful, so I am actively finding ways to incorporate art in my life. I had given up on art when I was young and it is so fulfilling to find it now. I will never make a living being an artist but that isn't the dream for me - my dream is living a colorful life, playing in exploration of words and colors and images in the world. I am doing that and I'm so happy to be doing it.

I would still love to live a summer at the beach, maybe a whole year. I think this one is a long way off for me, but not impossible. I'm not in a hurry at this point, so that's okay.

Right now, my most immediate dream is to take a vacation - a real, live relaxing vacation.  It is coming. I'm planning it now. :) 

Kickintheblog.com is the brainchild of Jessica Rosenberg ~ It's my life...
Come back often for new prompts to kick you out of your blogging rut! 

Re-Do

Prompt from NaBloPoMo:  If you could return to any past relationship and experience it again, which one would it be?

Would it be surprising if I said my relationship with Roby?  Even if it was exactly the same? Even the ending?  I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything and I would do it again if I could.

I keep choosing these prompts but they don't help me write more - I feel more cryptic when I write on these topics. They feel more like journal entries than blog posts.  I think I need more time to think about the topics and get my thoughts together...something to work on. 

Time Machine

Prompt from NaBloPoMo:  What point in time would you like to return to and live again?

I don't like to look back in terms of regret or "living in the past" - memories are good but they are memories and we have to keep moving forward, so these questions often baffle me.

I really have two different answers depending on additional context. If I could go back and CHANGE something, I would go back to October/November of 1985 and I would not allow Roby to date Grant who passed along HIV to Roby, his wife, and his at-the-time unborn child. I would steer him so clear of the Beaverton Fred Meyer where Grant worked. When we went on the first date with him (that's a whole other story), I wouldn't have allowed Grant to drive Roby home on the night before Thanksgiving. I wouldn't have left them alone at all - I would have dogged them every last minute until Roby just got bored with it and moved on.

If I have to choose a time that I would go back to and relive without changing anything, I would love to go back to the time when we lived in Germany. It was such a rich time and there was so much to see and do and learn. I would try to remember more, try to carve more places in my brain to hold all the sights and sounds from my time there from living in Madenbach and riding our scooters in the alley to going to the German pool and going to school at Crestview in the maid's quarters.  All the camping and volksmarches and traveling in the mountains of Switzerland, visiting Schloss Linderhoff and Neuschwanstein Castles. 

Restaurant Memories

From Nablopomo:  If you could return to one restaurant that you've eaten at before, where would you go?

When I thought about this, two restaurants came to mind.

One isn't really a restaurant...it is a cart. I would love to go back to the little Wurst Cart across from the Amelia Erhart hotel in Wiesbaden. It was the first meal we had in Germany - a rind wurst, brochen (bread) and pomme frites in a little glassine cone and it was delicious.  The flavor, even if I went back, would never be the same - it is one of those things that you just hold in your childhood memories.

The other place I would love to eat again is Mitali East in New York City.  It is a delicious Indian restaurant where I went with a friend when we went to the "Interpreting for the Theatre" intensive. It was some of THE MOST delicious food I have ever eaten. The Indian food here is good, but this was outstanding. I think it may have been from a different region of India, as well. I haven't been able to get the same dishes here (of course, now, I can't even remember the name of the dish I want to try to get...)

The other restaurant that I have been wanting to go to recently is my favorite local Thai place, Thai Terrace. They have delicious food, they are a great, local, family-owned business. They even expanded to a second location in Portland, so you can patronize their business in SW Washington or in NE Portland.  I haven't been in a couple of months and now I will have to plan a trip. Yummy.

Mail - Fail

I didn't write any love letters today. I didn't do anything useful. I went to see a movie and I went out to dinner. I didn't even play on Pinterest or anything - I'm nursing some tendonitis in my left arm, so I decided to lay off art and the computer for the weekend to try to rest up.  It seems to have helped.

I'm still planning on my little mail project - just delayed for a couple of days.

The Mail Project

Photo licensed under the Creative Commons. For more information, you can click here.

For the last couple of weeks, I have felt a strong draw toward the mail, toward the United States Postal Service, towards the human touch. Yesterday, in her "Link Love", Kelly Kilmer posted a link to "More Love Letters" and I felt like it sort of decided me on this path.

One of the first blogs I ever really read regularly was the Hope Revolution blog and then I went on to find blogs that provided a touch of hope through leaving books, notes, etc. for people.

I love the idea that we can do things like this and impact people, even on a small scale, for a moment or two. I like that I can do this for people I know and people I don't know, and also contribute to the USPS that I value so much. There is nothing like getting a letter in the mail.

So, I'm starting with some folks I work with - not in the same site - other people who work in their offices across the country without a peer there to bounce ideas off of, without someone they can just vent to and see their face at the same time. It is hard to do that, sometimes. What I know is that there are so many people (people in my building and elsewhere) who could use a little pick-me-up. I think sending out some "pick-me-ups" will be part of mine.






**Photo titled "Rosy Deliveries" by Craig Daniels (texhzmx on flickr). You can find his photo stream here.

"The Glee Project" - A New Favorite

I have heard about "The Glee Project" but I hadn't seen any of it. Now I'm going to have to see if it is coming out on DVD...Very cool. I love shows that find talent and showcase it.

The Glee Project videos

Firework



Mad World



True Colors


Raise Your Glass

 

Down Time - Way Down

I have done 3 shows since the beginning of August. I love theatrical interpreting, don't get me wrong, but man!  I'm beat. "Les Miserables" was the first week or so of August.  "Mamma Mia" was about 2 weeks later, then "Shrek: The Musical" last night.  Obviously, "Les Miz" was my favorite of the three, but I had fun doing them all.

It is funny how my brain responds to a "should" or "have to".  I haven't been listening to my own music pretty much since mid-July.  Usually, I listen to musical theatre for fun, but when I am listening for shows - and particularly for several so close together, I get antsy to listen to something else.  I think that is what I'm most excited about - musical choice! :)

Anyway, the shows all went well, had their own special challenges.  I'm ready for a break.

Heavy Times

Everyone I know is going through some tough stuff right now and it is just a really heavy time. It is like the atmosphere is contracting or something. It feels like my steps are slower this week - just feeling tired and pressed.  Once the show is done, some art, some reading, some music.  I can't wait.

"Who I'd Be" from "Shrek: The Musical"

This song is quite lovely.

Musical Interlude

I have always been interested in music - have been moved by it and shaped by it since my first, earliest memories. Sometimes, I go through phases where I don't listen to music for pleasure much. I always have a Broadway show CD in my car, but I often listen to talk radio (yes, politics...are you surprised?).

Last week, I had a hard time sleeping in the warm weather. Finally, one of my last attempts to relax was to play a few games of solitaire and listen to music in my giant headphones.  Not the earbuds like I use with my iPod - I'm talking full ear coverage headphones.  Listening to music in those things transports me to another place and I can feel the music resonate in me and change the rhythms of my body.  I always end up in tears - just a physical reaction to the music and the relaxation.

I'm excited to be done with this show because I am going to listen to music for 30 minutes a day and play solitaire. It will be amazingly cathartic.

First CD up:  The Fifth Dimension - Greatest Hits on Earth (we had the eight track of this when I was five and I have listened to it my whole life but never got it on CD until last week.)  I can't wait!

In Memoriam - September 11

I have been thinking a lot about what I wanted to say about September 11 and the ten year anniversary. So many people have said it so much better than I could...

I read in The Oregonian that there were only two papers in the country that ran all the Obituaries of the people killed September 11, 2001 - one was The New York Times and the other was The Oregonian.

I read them all back then and I remember being grateful that The Oregonian followed the example of The New York Times in printing them. Remembering the human beings and the lives lost - not the horror, not the terrorist attack. Remember the people.

That is what I have been doing to commemorate this ten year anniversary of a day that changed our lives in many ways.

Remembering 9/11

I just watched a Dateline that will air again on Sunday at 7:00pm PST remembering 9/11 through interviews from 2001 and today.  I didn't realize how fresh it all still seems. I haven't turned my attention here in a long time and yet, when I did, fresh tears and mourning for that day, those people, and for all that has happened since.

Here is a link to Dateline:  http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032600/vp/44462897#/44462820

I looked to see if it was a link to the specific videos or if it was just a "Dateline" link, but it was hard to tell (I prefer YouTube, but I'll take what I can get).  It is worth an hour of your time.

Quicksand

This week, almost every minute was like walking through quicksand. No particular reason. Maybe it was the heat. Maybe the fact that I could not sleep on Monday night, so it set me up to be ultra-tired all week. Maybe it was the training at work so we are all on "company" behavior. Maybe it was adding rehearsals and another show and the world is in chaos.  Technology has been thwarting me all week, as well.

Miraculously, I have managed to keep my sense of humor which is not always the case in weeks like this. I think maybe it is because I just realized that it is what it is - not good or bad. It just is. I still have to get up and go every day, whether I'm happy or not.  It is just as easy to be happily discombobulated as it is to be grumpy and discombobulated. I chose to be happy this week.

Tomorrow, I get to sleep in. That makes me even happier.

First Days of School

Sometimes when school is starting, I wonder if the world was as chaotic and the start dates were so complicated and confusing for parents as they seem to be now. I don't remember any of the "only fifth graders this day and all the rest of the kids on this day" kind of stuff. Maybe I wasn't paying attention because my job was to be a kid. This week, I have been thankful that we weren't living in the information age when I was a kid. There are just a lot of things that kids don't need to hear about.

I do love this time of year - I love hearing the parents talk about the transitions their kids are experiencing, the pride they exhibit when they are talking about their kids and how their eyes light up a bit when they do.

I loved the beginning of the school year- a new start, back to school.  I loved school with the exception of a couple of middle school years. When I was in high school, I could never sleep the night before school started. I would toss and turn and count the hours until I had to get up and face the unknown.  It was stressful, but it was also exciting to continue the adventure.

Are You People Happy Now?

The people who most lament the cooler summer weather are the ones who have the luxury of running off to the coast when it is 90 degrees outside.

It isn't the heat in the day time that bothers me - I work in a temperature controlled building (although we have to close the blinds to keep the temp down).  The real problem is that I can't sleep in the heat. It makes me cranky because I have to get up just as the house is cool enough to really sleep comfortably. It will be over soon. And it hasn't been as hot as they said it would be...   

I Like This

I found this - where else?!  On Pinterest!  I am looking for the original source to give credit where it is due. But I like it!

...Now that I think about it - I think I saw it on facebook. It made me laugh so hard.  I will keep trying to find the source. LOVE. IT.

Fired Up About the Post Office

I'm pretty fired up today since I saw a story on the national news about the closure of rural post offices. According to the budget information in the story, only 1% of the entire postal service budget is devoted to small rural post offices. Those places are a life-line for many folks who don't participate in our on-line world to the extent that many of us do.

I can't imagine life without mail. It is the bane of my existence in many ways, but also the source of much joy. There is nothing like getting a card or a note in the mail, in getting a little package that can be delivered right to my door.

To that end, I am starting my own little "Save the Post Office" campaign here on my blog. I'm even going to come up with some kind of logo...an artful one. :) I have to think about it some, so I'm not going off half-cocked. I just want to be able to say that I did something even if the worst happens.

More to come. In the meantime, here are some photos of mailboxes. Imagine what you would do without yours.

Overcoming War Wounds

Fused Glass - Finally!

I took a class at the Aquila Glass School several months ago with a Groupon coupon and it was really fun. It has taken me a while to get the photos taken and ready to go. I don't think the lighting is great on them, but I wanted to finally get them up. I'm hoping to take another class - it was good to be out of my comfort zone.

Respite from Incoherence

If you have returned to the blog to see if my incoherent rambling has stopped yet, you are in luck.  I have a few photos from my activities today. They aren't great photos - they are merely documentation of the way I spent my afternoon while watching "Shrek" in preparation for my next show.

This is the only painting picture that had semi-decent color and lighting once I messed with it. The others are too yellow-y to give a good color.

This is a teaser of the glass fusing class I took a while ago. I have been meaning to post photos for a while, but I kept forgetting. I'm posting this one today and saving up the detail photos for tomorrow, just in case my brain is in an incoherent, ranting mood again.