Sunday Ruminations

I'm so revved up for the year - I haven't felt this...ALIVE...in a long time. I'm not sure what that is about, really. I keep thinking that this year was the reawakening year. I knew Roby for 13 years and last year marked his 13th year gone - I have long believed that it takes a person the same amount of time to work through a loss as they had in the relationship. I still miss him and love him, but I am still here and I have to live my life. He would have wanted that and I want it, too.

I keep finding things I want to commit to, but I realized today that overcommitment is my way of allowing failure in.  If I'm over-committed, how can I possibly soar?  So I am holding back. Just because I don't join some challenge or write a commitment to do something, doesn't mean I can't be doing new things or pursuing goals.  Some goals are hard and fast, some goals are more malleable.

I joined "Small is Beautiful" with Magpie Girl today. I was over at her blog (one of my frequent haunts) and I found a blog that brought tears to my eyes - the banner was so reminiscent of the way I see the world (in a visual way, not necessarily philosophically - I haven't read enough to know that).  The bright colors, the strips of color - I just felt like I had met a kindred spirit. Weird, huh?  I don't even know that woman, but I just fell in love with her art.  Check out Eye Candy Art  to get a glimpse into my visual brain.

I went to see "2012" today with my mom.  She has been wanting to see it for a while now...we are both big John Cusack fans and also love action-adventure-disaster movies. I realized today, however, that my days of watching these types of films is numbered. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy the movie - I was definitely transported. I realized today that there is a level of sensitization that has happened for me that is sort of the opposite of what media pundits say happens to people who view violence in media or real life.  The whole theory of people becoming desensitized by viewing acts of cruelty or tragedy used to make sense to me - I still think it is valid, but not for everyone.

As I sat watching tragedy strike, the world coming to an end, families bidding each other goodbye, I realized that I can't really call this "entertainment". I suppose that folks who have never been in that situation might need to see this to prepare them - I don't need any such preparation. Obviously, the world hasn't ended.  No asteroid has hit the earth. But I don't need to know how painful it is to say goodbye, to make a decision that will keep me away from someone I love.

I haven't worked it all out, but these are the little bits of flotsam that are floating around in my mind today.  Off to read!

Approaching 100 posts

This is my 96th published post this year on WildRumpusing! I haven't written anything particularly literary or too entertaining, however, I have been writing more and thinking more (even when I don't write stuff down).

I read a bunch of older posts at 37Days (I know, I know - I told you it was a blogaffair). Some of the posts made me cry. Made me want to live a different kind of life, made me want to explore more of the real stuff.

Funny, when I was younger, I was less afraid of looking at real stuff and now that I am more fully the real me, I don't take the time to examine my life much. I get distracted by the day-to-dayness of it all. I never thought that would happen to me.

I am struck by another 80s movie line from "The Breakfast Club" - Ally Sheedy's character says, "When you grow up, your heart dies." Now, I don't think my heart died. Nothing so dramatic. It just stopped paying attention to things. It's in there - the desire to look at life and to care about the little things. It is just a swimming-against-the-current scenario. I can do it.

37Days book coming on Sept. 2

Here is a lovely post on 37days with an Oregon connection...
http://37days.typepad.com/37days/2008/07/be-the-leader-y.html

Another Brilliant 37Days Post...

I just fall in love everytime I go to this site...I love that she is willing to suspend disbelief and really allow her child to be creative and individual...

Go there and check it out..

http://37days.typepad.com/37days/2008/06/catalog-your-fa.html

I just wanted to remember this posting.

BlogAffair - 37 Days

I am in love with a blog right now...

http://37days.typepad.com/37days/

First off, Patti (the author) writes brilliantly and about issues that make my heart hurt - racism, homophobia, women's issues. Her blog from a couple of days ago has a brilliant clip from YouTube with Tracy Chapman singing, "Fast Car" (see January 2008 post "Missing Roby").

I have looked at this blog before - down the rabbit hole I fall into when I am looking at blogs - but I never really took the time to look around and read.

Of particular interest to me today were the following:

Stop doing insignificant work in the world

Women wake us up - Tracy Chapman

I wish I could articulate what happened to me while I was reading her posts - I just felt my throat swell and my heart got that achy feeling when I know that there is something more in this world that we are all meant to do. I was inspired by this and I hope I can hold on to the thoughts that I had and the convictions that I have to be a better person, to try to build a better community and to teach by example.

Since I included her lyrics before, I wanted to add a clip of Tracy Chapman singing "Fast Car". And I added "Talking about a Revolution" for good measure. This is thanks to 37days. I used the embed feature so that people could watch the clips. Then I think they should go to her blog and read.

Tracy Chapman singing “Fast Car” video – from http://37days.typepad.com/37days/ and YouTube



Tracy Chapman – “Talking about a Revolution” 1988