Practice Art

I am hoping to practice some art this weekend and on my vacation.  It has been too long.

KITB: What Do You Dream?

From Kick in the Blog:  We live our lives day in and day out and all of us harbor some dream or other. Whether we believe that dream will ever be realized is neither here nor there.

What's your dream? Is it for you? For your kids? Can it come true?Do you even really want it to?

The way I dream changed the day Roby told me he had AIDS.  In those terrifying hours, a new way of thinking took over for me and I still feel the effects of that day, that event.  We stopped thinking about our future in terms of decades and years and started living in the now.  I think I mostly do that still and there are definitely pros and cons.

When I turned 30, I realized that I had no idea what I was going to do with the rest of my life - I had never imagined being 30 because I had always known that Roby would not be around by the time I got there.  I realized that I had to figure out what the hell I was going to do and get to it.  

Now, I dream and do.  I still have dreams of writing, so I write. I take workshops and keep the blog and write emails at work. Maybe that will be enough - maybe someday, I will write something more.  I dream of being art-ful, so I am actively finding ways to incorporate art in my life. I had given up on art when I was young and it is so fulfilling to find it now. I will never make a living being an artist but that isn't the dream for me - my dream is living a colorful life, playing in exploration of words and colors and images in the world. I am doing that and I'm so happy to be doing it.

I would still love to live a summer at the beach, maybe a whole year. I think this one is a long way off for me, but not impossible. I'm not in a hurry at this point, so that's okay.

Right now, my most immediate dream is to take a vacation - a real, live relaxing vacation.  It is coming. I'm planning it now. :) 

Kickintheblog.com is the brainchild of Jessica Rosenberg ~ It's my life...
Come back often for new prompts to kick you out of your blogging rut! 

Fused Glass - Finally!

I took a class at the Aquila Glass School several months ago with a Groupon coupon and it was really fun. It has taken me a while to get the photos taken and ready to go. I don't think the lighting is great on them, but I wanted to finally get them up. I'm hoping to take another class - it was good to be out of my comfort zone.

Respite from Incoherence

If you have returned to the blog to see if my incoherent rambling has stopped yet, you are in luck.  I have a few photos from my activities today. They aren't great photos - they are merely documentation of the way I spent my afternoon while watching "Shrek" in preparation for my next show.

This is the only painting picture that had semi-decent color and lighting once I messed with it. The others are too yellow-y to give a good color.

This is a teaser of the glass fusing class I took a while ago. I have been meaning to post photos for a while, but I kept forgetting. I'm posting this one today and saving up the detail photos for tomorrow, just in case my brain is in an incoherent, ranting mood again.

Art - Glass Fusing

My friend found a Groupon for a class on glass fusing at Aquila Glass School back in January. I had never (and haven't again) purchased a Groupon but I thought it might be fun to do it.

I was TIRED this morning, but I decided I needed to take the class anyway.  I'm glad I did - it was fun and interesting. I would not normally take a glass anything class unless it was mosaic (I still want to make one). I decided that since it wasn't something I would normally choose, I should give myself the latitude to not be perfect, to play with designs and colors and see what happened. They will be firing the glass this week and I will be able to take pictures later. Unfortunately, my camera battery died and I wasn't able to get photos of the pieces before firing. I would have liked to compare, but maybe next time.  I will post photos of the finished pieces when I get them back.

After class, lunch at my favorite Thai place and then a quick stop at Collage where I found some cool washi tapes in colors I was looking for a few weeks ago. I can't wait to use it in my journal. Photos tomorrow - it is late and time for bed.

It's So Good To Be Back Home Again

Today was exhausting. I slept well last night, but got up pretty early to make sure I was all packed and ready to go. I ate breakfast at the hotel and checked out and had some alone time before the rush of the day. We went to work and got a lot done although we were all so fried that it stalled us out a few times.

Then it was off to the airport. We had been told to get flights after 4 p.m., so I chose the one direct flight home that left Denver at 8 pm. Due to rental cars and the flights of some of the other folks, we went to the airport at around 4:00 p.m. On the way, we saw bunches of prairie dogs - I remember them from my childhood but I don't think I have seen a live one since I was about 6 years old.  One of the people I was with had a flight out at 6 p.m. so we had a chance to talk some more and hang out. She left for her flight and I went down to my gate and took a two-hour nap (I told you I was tired).  I don't normally sleep when I'm in a public place, so it was a little weird, but I was super tired and had a long wait.

Eventually, they changed the gate I was supposed to be at and then after boarding us about 20 minutes late, we ended up waiting another 40 minutes before taking off. So, we basically left an hour late and somehow landed somewhat on time. They didn't say we had a tailwind and that would not usually give you an hour less travel time, but somehow it all worked out.

I'm so tired and looking forward to the weekend, but I have a glass class tomorrow. My friend bought a Groupon for this class and we scheduled it a long time ago. I'm kind of wishing I could postpone just because I'd like to sleep in. Que sera sera, right?

Impulse Control

So, I left work today determined to go to Collage on Alberta and buy some of the Washi tape that I have been coveting. Just a couple of rolls. So, I'm in my car, cruising along I-5. The traffic is super-light for this time of day.  I'm approaching my exit. I can feel the impulse - "just go home".  I want the tape. I can do some art tonight. I want to. I have been thinking about it for three days. "Just go home. The traffic is light. It was like you were supposed to head home." I'm staring at the sign for my exit - 1/4 mile now.  I'm not slowing down. No turn signal. "Just go home." I'm getting irritated with myself - for heaven's sake - stopping will take 30 minutes max.

"Okay... You don't have to go straight home, but you should get to the other side of town. Why else would the traffic be so light. Go to Uwajimaya. They probably have Washi tape. It's right on the way." I drive on, headed for Uwajimaya. I get to my side of town and start thinking about where I need to cut over to get to the store. "I bet the store is crowded this time of day. Remember the last time you stopped at Trader Joe's at this time of day? Packed."

So, I'm sure it will not come as a surprise to anyone that I did not stop anywhere on the way home. I just went home. I'm not upset about it, I just think it is funny how easily I can quell my own impulses sometimes. I'm sure I will get there when I'm supposed to.

Drawing a Blank

I was tempted to do some art today but I watched a movie instead. Not very inspiring. Still feeling kind of icky - I have a virus or something and today I just felt all jittery and couldn't really settle on anything. Disappointing, but there you go.

I am going to try to stop by Collage on Alberta this week - I have developed a new obsession with Japanese decorative masking tape. I saw on their Facebook page that they just got a new shipment in. I bought some from the Idea-ology collection at another art place and I fell in love with it. I want to get some in PINK and Yellow. :) And maybe some designs.

Passing It On

Since two of the blogs I follow pretty regularly linked to this site, I went there, read the post and now I am recommending that you, too, read it.  You don't have to be an artist to incorporate the principles - and it is fun, too. The blog I first saw it on was D'Blogala and the second one was Kelly Kilmer's.

There were so many parts that I loved that I decided not to list them here and just let you go and enjoy the presentation for yourself.  The one thing I did "steal" was a quote from the presentation:

"We are shaped and fashioned by what we love." - Goethe

Isn't that a great quote?

The biggest bummer of today is that I left my camera at work so I can't post any art journal photos this weekend. :(

Reverb 10 - Day 10: WISDOM

December 10 – Wisdom Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)

This year was tumultuous and challenging in ways that I was not expecting and I wasn't sure I had the right equipment to handle the curve balls I was thrown. Ultimately, I decided that I was going to ride the wave and be honest with people, that I was going to bring the level of my communication to a new level.

When you say "be honest", people often wonder what you were doing before if you weren't being honest. For me, I have wanted/expected/tried to protect people, to try to keep everyone calm and happy and blissfully ignorant of the chaos behind the scenes, to seem competent and confident. There is a point at which you cannot do that anymore and when it is in everyone's best interest to have the whole story and the ability to make decisions about things based on what they know. 

As for communication, I am just trying to tell my truth. Ask people for what I need, tell them when I don't understand, tell people how I feel and just overall try to be clear in my expectations. I don't think I am at the end of that road - I am working on it, trying to hone these skills.  Going from just trying to adapt to everyone and take all that work on and resenting it to trying to move both parties in the same direction takes a lot of work and a lot of skill. Sometimes I have the skill, sometimes I don't.

I feel good about my decision and how I have tried to implement it in my life. I am still a work in progress, but I feel more confident and it takes longer for my stress level to build to a crescendo, so it seems like it is working in my favor.

The other decision I made was to continue to try to infuse my life with the activities I love - most particularly reading, art, fun, returning to my writing.  I have had varying levels of success, but I keep trying. I have taken workshops and went to my writers' retreat this year to support that wish.  Even though it is still an effort to get it all in, I know that overall, I am happier when I am including these other things in my life. Anything that is expressive, colorful, fun adds to the spirit and enjoyment of days and I am all for that.   Art and artful pursuits also help me with the decision to ride the wave, to be honest, to communicate what I need. It just makes me a better, happier person.

Friday Fatigue

It is fascinating to me that expending emotional energy is much more taxing to me than working a long week or doing a show or traveling.  It is on my mind because this week has been one of those weeks.  By yesterday, I literally felt like someone was beating me up in my sleep.  One evening, I went home and ended up in my pajamas by 8pm.  I didn't necessarily go to bed at 8pm, but having my pjs at that time is quite a statement for me.

Other things I have been thinking about this week - where is the art?  I have been thinking about it so much and looking at blogs and books and magazines about art journaling, etc., but I haven't been DOING art.  That is frustrating for me - I WANT to, but I just haven't done it. I think the whole "set it up, do it, take it down" is a big deterrent for me. I want to have a space where I can leave a project without having to clean it up before I am done with it.  I was fantasizing about having a studio space the other day. It isn't really practical, but I like to think about it.

I'm hoping to take some classes at either Art on a Lark or Collage this winter. I also have a PCC catalog, so I may be taking an art class or a writing class this winter. Just something to keep me disciplined and learning new techniques.  That's pretty exciting for me. I love taking classes. I'm thinking about trying to finish my BA degree, too, so starting in classes that are less academic, but that require commitment and energy is a good start.

Well, TGIF!  Here's hoping I play in art and maybe even see the new Harry Potter movie this weekend. :)

Sunday, Sunday

I twisted my knee on Thursday somehow - I probably stood on the platform strangely at some point or twisted getting down in the dark. Who knows?  But it HURTS.  I have been putting emu oil on it and taking MSM capsules to get the swelling to go down. You don't really realize how much your knee does for you until you are limping up and down stairs just to go to the bathroom.

I didn't sleep well last night, so I took a long-ish nap this afternoon. I feel all fidgety - I wanted to go to the movies today but I slept through prime movie-going times and decided to just wait.  Now I have "Buffy" on - starting my favorite season- Season 6. This is the one with the musical episode, one of my favorites.

I am hoping to do some art journal work but something is blocking me - I'm pretty sure it is my own expectations. It's annoying. So, I'm just going to take the plunge and DO SOMETHING.  I think getting started will help me get back on track. I have lots of projects and things I want to do, so I hope I can jump start myself.

I have my tickets to the "Les Miserables 25th Anniversary Concert" on November 17. I CAN'T WAIT!!!  What a thrill!! I hope that more Broadway type events come through in these special events.  It's a great way to expose people to Broadway shows without spending $55-$120 for a single ticket.

Busy-ness drawing to an end

The last two weeks have been incredibly busy and challenging in a variety of ways. I'm happy to say that they are coming to and end at the close of the work day tomorrow. I still have a show next week, so I have some rehearsals this weekend, but that will be fine.  I'm looking forward to a little R and R and a little time to not feel guilty for not finishing, helping, researching, presenting or hosting.

Once the show is done, I am going to be diving headfirst into some ART - I think I want to take a couple of classes AND I will be using the neon paint I bought for my journal. I can't wait. I think I have a lot to process, so I am stoked to get started.

I know that I haven't been Wildly Rumpusing recently - please forgive. I will be able to focus in a few days and I think I have some meaty stuff to be writing about. Either that or something fun. We'll see.

FWWE Day 8: Commit Time to Yourself

At the workshop I attended today, one of the most valuable things I took away was the affirmation that a life outside of work is KEY to getting through it all and keeping your cool.  It isn't that I don't know that, I DO, but I need constant reminders. As a perfectionist, worrier, people-pleaser I am constantly warring with the competing factions in my mind.

This week doesn't really look great on that front, but I'm looking into it. I need to do some self-care stuff or my heads gonna blow off. I have the show, I have other commitments, but 30 minutes a day - I can manage it. I need to manage it.

So this post is more of a reminder/commitment to myself. Sometimes, when I put things here on the blog, I keep them in my mind longer than when I just think about it on my own. Accountability, I guess.

FWWE Day 1: Play more, Stress less

In honor of Patti Digh's newest offering, "Four Word Self Help: Simple Wisdom for Complex Lives", I am going to be doing a "Four Word Wisdom Extravaganza" (FWWE for short) during October. If I like it, I might do it longer. :)

In keeping with the theme for October for Nablopomo, I decided that the first "FWWE" Phrase should be:

Play More, Stress Less

I'm a firm believer in the power of PLAY. I think that there is so much in our lives that is serious, so much that requires attention and thought, that it is imperative that we do things that we consider FUN. I don't know that I am as skilled or as practiced at play as I was 10 years ago. I have different responsibilities, I have different priorities, but I know that if I played more and didn't feel guilty about it, I would be happier and that would translate into success in other ways.

One of my favorite things is to color.  I have the most beautiful "Velveteen Rabbit" coloring book. I got it almost 20 years ago.  It took me a long time to actually color in it because it is so beautiful.  Finally, one weekend, a friend and I went to the beach.  We were waiting for someone to arrive and had both been working too much. We got settled in the place we were staying, pulled out the vodka and the coloring book and a bunch of crayons and spent about 4 hours coloring side-by-side, quietly, peacefully.  When we finished the pictures we were on, they were incredibly detailed and we were so relaxed. I'm sure some of the vodka helped, but really, for me, the magic was in the crayons and the paper and the colors and the focus on something that was fun.

All play doesn't have to be peaceful and quiet, obviously. I'm up for some raucous fun and laughter, too.  Playing games, getting together to chat, to paint, to do some kind of arty or crafty thing, all of those can be playing to me. Or bowling. Basketball. Whatever you think is fun. 

My goal is to follow my own advice this month - Play more, stress less.  I like it. I think these themes are going to do me some good. 

Tiny Celebration

I think I will be taking a class on altered books at "Art on a Lark" in Hillsboro on Thursday in celebration of the fact that I have Friday off and that I made it through the week. Another challenging one, but I feel that I am confronting it head-on which feels much better than last week when I felt like I was getting my ass kicked.

One thing that I'm excited about (and probably already talked about in a previous post) is that they have an open studio. I want to go see what it is like and see if I want to pay for a regular membership - then I get discounts on their merchandise and can use the Open Studio any old time.  Might be fun.

Now, fingers crossed that I can make Thursday work. I know that even though I am reluctant to commit, once I get there, I will be glad I did.

Images from Simpler Times

I was cleaning today and I found a booklet I drew when I was in kindergarten. The teacher make the books for everyone and we drew in them. I have saved it all these years. I know most people my age are posting the books of their children, but since I don't have any, I thought I would post for my inner child. :)  I was actually pretty good for a little 5 year old.

I am particularly impressed with the sidewalk in front of the house, the jungle gym and see saw in the playground. I was visually detail-oriented when I was a child.

This is My Brain Before Vacation

Patti Digh posted on her Facebook status that she is hosting a Blog Tour for her new book. She gave directions how to sign up and I DID IT!! I was really nervous and I came up with all these reasons why it wouldn't be a good idea for me to do it - I've never done anything like that before. I don't know what I need to do. Not very many people read my little blog. There are so many better blogs out there...ad nauseum. At this point, I'm so happy that I did it that I'm okay whether I get selected for the tour or not.

I'm wishing for some new music, but I'm not very good at finding new stuff on my own. I've been listening to the radio, but talking heads, not music. When I listen to music, it is usually Broadway shows, but I don't even have any new shows that I want to explore. I guess I should start listening to this year's season...Maybe I will do that after vacation.

There are some gorgeous photos of the solar flares and the affect on the Northern Lights on Flickr via Yahoo.com. Check them out.

I seriously could not bear one of the meetings I was in today. I typed the following in an AIM to a co-worker who promptly told me he shot coffee out his nose, "Is it bad to wish I had a gun in my desk drawer? For myself...no one else." A few minutes later, "BANG. AAARGGHH. Thump." It was pretty funny, even though I felt guilty for even saying I wished I had a gun. I don't. I wouldn't know what to do with a gun if I had one and I kind of like it that way. It was just one of those moments when I could feel the hysteria rising and I had to get it out.

Be sure to check out the new issue of Harper's Bazaar - Jennifer Aniston is paying homage to Barbra Streisand. She looks stunning and I love Barbra, of course.

Ah. That is a much better picture to have pop up in the LinkWithin photos over and over.

I need to start taking photos again. I haven't done any of my creative stuff in a long time. I want to. I think about it a lot (all the creative stuff AND taking photos). I really need to get my act together.

Last year I did the "The Next Chapter: Wreck This Journal" with Jamie Ridler Studios. I had a great time and I have been hoping for a new "TNC" book, but it hasn't happened. I think her work has really taken off this year, so it may be put off for a while. I am thinking that I might go ahead and buy the book they did for the last "TNC" group - it was a mail around. I wanted to do it, but I know myself well enough to know that I would have all the good intentions in the world and then I would never mail it and be the lame one in the group. I just couldn't put myself through that. The book they read was called "The Happy Book".  I'm thinking that I might buy it, take a look at it and then I will use my own journals for the same purpose. I want to bring "The Happy Book" to work and have it be something that people can do while they are there.

It is hard to boost the happiness level in other people when they are not vested in boosting their own happiness level. I know that times are tough right now - for everyone. Our industry, our state, our country, the world. But we can still choose to find joy. To be joyful. To try to find the happy moments and share them with each other. It may sound silly, but I really do believe that. If I focus on all the bad things in my life, I would be so incapacitated by grief and depression and hopelessness, I wouldn't be able to get out of bed. But my bad things are no worse or better than someone else's. All the good things and bad things will still be there whether I choose to acknowledge them or focus on them or ignore them or deal with them. I guess I am choosing to grab HAPPY and then all the other stuff, I just deal with as I can.

Ooh. A little too philosophical for the Thursday before my vacation...see what happens when I just let go and type?

Black and White Monotony

I have, indeed, been a lucky person. My life has been colorful and filled with interesting people and places and stories. I never imagined a time when I could understand how poetry and art and color could be stripped away from a person. "They just aren't looking for it...they have given up...they aren't as special as we are..."

I was wrong. People who are lucky enough to have color, art, stories, people and places are lucky, not special. Certainly, a certain personality type will look for and find these vital elements in life more easily, but I can understand how people lose their way, their will, their care. Sometimes, the monotony of "sign this form", "fill this out", "read your email", "let me send you the spreadsheet" is enough to make me rip my hair out. To have a day like that, when the most innocuous of questions makes me want to scream, helps me understand how it requires action and energy and purpose to avoid the sucking drain of black and white, the ease of a television filled night to block out the voices of the day, the sameness of my actions. I have to actively seek instead of letting it just flow over me naturally.

I have been lucky in my life to have different jobs, to be an interpreter, to use my brain to tap into language and culture and color. I have been lucky enough to work as a freelance interpreter and go to a different place every day, meeting different people, interpreting new topics and learning something every day. These experiences live in me - whether they live at the top of my consciousness or whether they are just in the flow of my brain every day. In those moments when I get close to the edge, I can pull out those colors, ideas, experiences and it eases my mind. I know that this is just the island I am on now. I will travel somewhere else someday, if I should ever want to.

Lots of mixed metaphors, I know...just a jumbled brain looking back at a long, exasperating day and trying to make sense of it all...there are pictures and thoughts swimming around up there, but I can't quite get them to come out the way I want.

Introspection in the Spotlight

I realized a couple of days ago that I lost the thread of what I was doing here a little while ago. I think because I was trying so many things - the Next Chapter group (which I enjoyed and miss), the Artist's Way group, and a few other things.  I have been doing the art journal and all kinds of stuff, but I feel like I started losing touch with the reason I started writing here...

I can't really put my finger on it, but I think I just got self-conscious.  A couple of days ago, I couldn't think of anything to write and I realized that I was feeling a little bit mannered or coy or something.  When I thought about it, I realized how absurd it is to feel shy or uncomfortable - um, hi!  You are writing on the internet.  If I felt shy or inhibited, maybe I should pick a less public place to write my thoughts.

That is one of the reasons I'm so excited to go to the workshop I talked about in yesterday's post.  I want to write some of the stories of my life and my life with Roby.  I have been looking at all these creative endeavors as the jumping off place, but really, that place is just here.  I jumped off a long time ago and I just need to stick to it.  All the other participation is fine but I just need to be brave enough to just tell myself the truth.  Sometimes that is the hardest thing. (Not about anything in particular - just get back to it...)

On an entirely different note, I want to go on the record saying that I was totally wrong about Ashton Kucher. I really like him. He's not my new boyfriend, but I think he is really good.  I think he must have a sweet, smart, marshmallowy inside.