Memorial Day Mixed Feelings

I am an Air Force brat and I'm proud of my father's service to the country. I have really mixed feelings about all these days - not because I don't want to honor servicemen and women and their families. I guess it is how we honor them, sometimes.  I don't have much to say about it other than that my father served this country well and I miss him.  I am grateful for the freedoms I have and grateful that I live in this country where we are free to express ourselves.

I hope you all had a happy Memorial Day weekend.

Revised Title: Thoughts about VDay from 2011

I watched the movie "Valentine's Day" tonight.  I liked it a lot more than I had expected to - it is one of those movies with a lot of stars.  Sometimes those movies don't come together well or you think someone is going to be in it and they are in it for like two minutes and it is very unsatisfying.  This movie seemed to tie all the pieces together and utilized all the stars pretty well.

There is one character in the movie, played by Jessica Biel, who is totally neurotic about Valentine's Day and how she is alone on Valentine's Day every year. Her character got me to thinking about this. I have never felt like less of a person if I don't have someone to celebrate Valentine's day with and I have never understood people who do.

When I was growing up, Valentine's Day was a holiday for kids mostly.  I always dreaded it because I was afraid I wouldn't get any valentines at school. Several of our big moves happened in December or January, so when Valentine's Day rolled around, I was still the new kid on the block. Luckily, by the time I was in school, they had instituted the all-or-nothing rule - if you were giving out valentine cards, you had to give them to the whole class or none at all.  Back in the 1970s, they didn't have "Harry Potter" Valentines or themes from Disney - they mostly had animals and cutesy kids and stuff like that.  There was always a valentine in the package that was a little meaner or not as cute or definitely for the kid in class you didn't like as well. I remember a couple of years that I didn't want to give those meaner/undesirable valentines because I felt there would be repercussions.

I think I said this last year on Valentine's Day - my dad never forgot Valentine's Day.  He didn't make a huge deal of it, but he always brought us something - flowers, a necklace, something to let us know he was thinking of us.  Since that wasn't really his regular way, it was always really sweet that he would do that.

Anyway, just some things I was thinking about today.

**I was getting all these random hits from all over the world from people who were Googling "Valentine's Day Thoughts", so I thought I would change the title and prevent some pain for those who are really just looking for a quote for their sweetie. Who knows if it will work...

Happy Birthday, Dad!

This picture is from an evening out with my parents, my Dad's brother and sister from Pennsylvania, my sister and her husband. We went to Nonna Emilia's for dinner and had a good evening.  I think my dad was really happy to have his family all around him.

My dad would have been 71 years old today. Happy Birthday, Dad. We miss you.

Dad, Four Years Gone

Unbelievably, my father passed away 4 years ago. I still miss him. I watched the "Kennedy Center Honors" and when they showed Merle Haggard, I was reminded of him. He loved country music and for some reason, seeing older gentlemen always reminds me of my dad. It brought tears to my eyes.

I miss you, Dad.

These pictures were his fuzzy face period - little bit scruffy, but happy after a good fishing day.

What Was I Supposed to be Doing?

I have been cleaning, decluttering and getting distracted from all of the above this weekend. I have made some progress, although not enough for my taste. Then I got distracted because I was frustrated with my progress but lack of progress in my head.

I found some of the photos I have been wanting to scan, so I did and am posting them here today. I'm still frustrated with my lack of ability to scan slides, though. I have a feeling I'm going to have to go professional on them, but I have heard that they ruin the slide if you do take them in. I'm not sure I'm ready/willing to chance that just yet.

So here are some of the photos I've unearthed today. I found more, but I didn't feel like taking the time to edit them all, so I will post more in the coming weeks.  For now, some childhood photos, a picture of my dad, my mom, some of my sister and I.
Good memories, all.

David F. Miller, USAF probably around 1973ish

Sandy (5), Jean (5), Linda (9) May 1973. Aurora, Colorado in front of our house. Crawford Elementary School is across the street.

My fifth birthday. Friends of the family, the Browns, there celebrating with us.

My fifth birthday with the pink stuffed dog gift I fell in love with instantly.

Linda and I in the "little bedroom" with Pez dispensers. I remember watching "Emergency" in there and listening to Kenny Rogers and the First Edition in here.

Me. 1973 Easter dress. Close up from the next photo.

I have to rescan this straight. Linda and I in our identical Easter dresses. I believe we have photos of us outside, as well, where you can see that the state of my dress is much more disheveled. 1973.

Me again. May 1973. Detail from the earlier photo. I like this picture. :)

Linda from when Mom was living in West Virginia while my dad was in Vietnam.

Mom when she was living in West Virginia while my dad was in Vietnam. Probably 1964-65.

 

 

 

It was nice to see some of these old photos.  My family never hung photos because we were in the military and they would have to pay for any "damage" done to the apartments we lived in. Basically, white walls. Photos mostly on slides and one or two photo albums. Then, almost all of our photos from the time we were in Germany were stolen when we were moving back to the U.S.A. - the cameras were in the same boxes as the photos.  (Lesson learned.) My parents would pull out the old slide projector once or twice a year, so seeing old photos is always a big treat for me.

On The Verge

I have been thinking about writing all week - duh - because of the retreat last weekend. I haven't written anything creatively in a long, long time. I have been thinking of poetry, mostly. I fell in love with Maya Stein's poetry. I haven't been keeping up with her website, but I was inspired by her.

Maybe I will try to write this weekend. I may or may not post stuff here - depends on how brave I'm feeling.

On another note, it is Veteran's Day today. My father was a Vietnam Veteran. He served 4 years in the Army after joining when he was underage and then he went to the Air Force and served 22 years. I didn't know it until a short time before his death, but my dad's high school principal actually helped my dad get into the military before he was of age (I believe he was 16 or 17) because he was going down a bad road and the principal thought my dad would end up in jail if he didn't go into the military. So, in honor of my father and Veteran's everywhere, Thank You for your service.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

I posted about my dad's birthday on Facebook, but right after I did, I realized that I had frozen his age and posted it wrong. My dad would have been 70 years old today. Of course, I will have to check that...he had fudged his age to get into the army and it was always a little unclear what year he was born. The information I have says he was born on January 9, 1940, so that would have made him 70 today. Time plays weird tricks sometimes.

Anyway, Happy Birthday, Dad!  I miss you still.

This is a picture of my dad the first time he was in Germany in the early 1960s, I believe.

 

This is my dad the summer before he died, I believe (there's no date on the picture).  I tried to edit out the child with him because I didn't feel comfortable posting their picture, but I couldn't figure out how to edit that without editing my dad's face - hence the white blob on the right side.  I like this photo because my dad is actually smiling in it.  A big happy smile was a rarity for him.

Three Years On...

My dad died three years ago today. Oddly, my sister and my mother say the date is Dec. 28, but he died at 3:00 am on Dec. 29, 2006. Isn't it strange how we perceive things so differently - even something like this. I wish I had been closer to my dad - he was not an easy person to get close to and had a lot of barriers. Being in the military saved his life, but it also made him somewhat unapproachable at times.

I miss him. I see older gentlemen walking, having coffee at Starbucks, in restaurants or the store and I always tear up. There is a certain physique that always makes me think of him and I am sad that he and my mother weren't together to enjoy their retirement.

One of my goals this year (I didn't do it last year...) is to figure out how to scan slides so that I can post some of the photos of my dad when he was younger, too.  He was the photographer in the family, so it was hard to get him in front of the camera, especially as he got older.

Anyway, I miss you, Dad.

"I know all your life you wondered about that step we all take alone...how far does the spirit travel on the journey? You must surely be near heaven and it thrills me to the bone to know Daddy knows the great Unknown."  ~ Rick Springfield

My Least Favorite Time of Year

This week has kicked my behind, even though I started it off with a beach trip...how is that possible?  A lot is going on in the work world and I am feeling the weight of it right now.  Although, one of the big bosses called me last night to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving. I was literally taken aback. It was so thoughtful and kind.  I brought in food and a pie for the folks who have to work today, to thank them for giving up time with family and friends.

As we come up to Thanksgiving and everyone is talking about being with family and friends, I remember all the family and friends lost. It is a hard balance because I enjoy the people still here and I am SO THANKFUL for them and at the same time, it is hard not to feel that sense of longing for those who are already gone. Between now and January 8, my worst losses have occurred.  Roby's birthday is tomorrow, my father died in December, Roby died in January, the day before my father's birthday. It's a tough time.

I'm doing some charity work this year in an effort to feel like I am creating something goodand worthwhile.  Again, I don't intend to diminish what I have - it is just difficult not to look back.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to my father and to all the fathers (by blood and by choice) I know or who read here.

I missed my dad a lot today.

If you still have your father, give him an extra big hug today and know that there are lots of us who would give anything for the opportunity. Even those of us who had some issues left with Fathers. Time is a precious thing. Say what you need to say. Do what you need to do. Love who you need to love.

I miss my dad.

Life Goes On - Memorial Day 2009

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." ~Robert Frost

Even though my dad didn't die in a war, he served in Vietnam - two tours, I believe. Every year, on Memorial Day, I miss him. The military was his life and when he retired (to keep my parents' promise not to make us move during high school), all the fight kind of went out of him. He changed a lot over the years, for the better, but he was never the same guy once he retired.

I miss him.

Dad getting a commendation at Tyndall Air Force Base (1977-1979)

"My Father's Chair" - Rick Springfield

I have always loved this song and I was thinking about my dad yesterday and this song came to mind. I love Rick Springfield - mullet and all.




So, a couple of years ago (maybe like 4 or 5 years), I was looking through the A&E in the Oregonian newspaper and I saw that Rick Springfield was playing at one of the casinos at the coast (I think in Lincoln City)the next night. I wanted to go but it was on a Thursday evening and I had to work on Friday. I don't love that drive in the dark, so I decided to postpone. I kind of let it go for the time being, but then I thought maybe he was playing somewhere closer, so I looked it up on the web. Sure enough, the following week, he was playing at a casino in Tacoma. Not really closer, but an easier drive in the dark. I purchased the ticket. Then, I realized I needed to figure out where this place was...turns out, it was on a boat.

I don't like boats.

Why didn't I read that BEFORE I bought the ticket?!? Well, I'd spent a bit of money on it, so I decided I would just have to buck up and go. I hoped that the boat would be docked the entire time, but I was prepared for the worst.

Turns out, it was next to the boat, not on it. Whew! I had arrived a couple of hours early, but, having no experience with casinos or concerts at casinos, I wasn't really prepared for the crowd. When we finally entered the venue, it was hysterical. There were all these 35+ year old women dressed to the nines and their reluctant and balding husbands in tow. The guys were, ahem, NOT dressed to the nines, and all begged to go back to the casino, to go buy a beer, to escape to the smoking area.

When the concert started, the women screamed like they were seeing the Beatles sans hair-pulling, crying or fainting. I'm not a screamer, so I just enjoyed the fact that Rick was still out there in the world singing. When he sang, I noticed his voice was different - not just older, it was rougher - almost like he had been a heavy smoker or something. I heard that he had been in a bad motorcycle accident a few years ago, so maybe that impacted his voice.

Rick Springfield was still a showman - He talked to people on their cell phones as women held them up. He damaged a lot of flowers by playing his guitar with them, petals flying. He looked like he was having fun and announced that he would be playing a show in Vegas for a while.

The whole experience was pretty surreal. I realized then and there that I was glad I had gone, but I would just enjoy my CDs at home next time and remember how he sounded when I was 17. This was all just a reminder that we had all gotten older and not necessarily in a good way.

Anyway, I drove home after, arriving at 3am or so. It was fun, but next time, I'm just going to stay home.

Here is a vintage Rick video from his first album, I believe. The song is called "Take A Hand".


**Also, please note that Rick Springfield is 59 years old now...Dang. Who'd have guessed...

My Dad - David