Reminded

Today, I am reminded of all the reasons I have the job I have and not the job of the people I work with. Their job is HARD. While my job is difficult in completely different ways, their job makes my blood pressure go up in under 4 minutes.

Yikes. I am tired. Good night all.

Still Learning

Fast Car Needed

I remember driving around Portland blasting this song when it came out. Roby and I wanted to make sure we would "be someone". Strong memories.

Memorial Day Mixed Feelings

I am an Air Force brat and I'm proud of my father's service to the country. I have really mixed feelings about all these days - not because I don't want to honor servicemen and women and their families. I guess it is how we honor them, sometimes.  I don't have much to say about it other than that my father served this country well and I miss him.  I am grateful for the freedoms I have and grateful that I live in this country where we are free to express ourselves.

I hope you all had a happy Memorial Day weekend.

Geography Gaps

I was flipping the channels today and I happened across the "National Geographic Geography Bee". I watched for a while but then I felt lame because I didn't know the answers to most of the questions. They weren't easy questions like name the states in alphabetical order (I said that because I can actually do that) or name all the countries in the world and identify them on a map (I'm not there yet).  It would have been really easy to just move on, but I felt really strongly that I wanted to learn more.

I love geography and I think I have a geography coloring book around here somewhere. I figured I would start with learning all the countries and their placements (and also which countries have changed their names since I studied that particular continent).  I looked them up online and found a game where I can learn the countries shapes and then another place where you just try to name all the countries in 12 minutes or less. I started out with around 125 and have made it up to 160.  I have been moving between memorizing the maps and getting familiar with the regions. I keep looking for countries that no longer exist - that's confusing.

Anyway, I will conquer basic geography and then I will (may) start working on capitals and landscapes, etc. Feels good to be learning something - even if I should already know it.  I'm sure everyone has gaps in their knowledge - I'm not sure I ever had a geography class - we studied different countries, but it was a long time ago.

I used to have a set of encyclopedia type books on each continent. They were different colors and I LOVED them. I would copy information out of them just to learn it. I don't think I made it through all the books based on my gappy knowledge.

Art and Movie-Palooza!

For the past few years, I have been travelling on Memorial Day weekend, but this year, I will be home.  I'm planning on working on some art and some movies.  Hopefully, I will have some photos to post over the weekend.

I'm glad it is Friday and I'm glad that I have some time off.

Reminding Myself

I watched a documentary called "We Were Here" tonight - I have been wanting to see it since it was out in the theaters, but somehow, I couldn't bring myself to watch it in a public place.  It is a film with interviews and footage of the "AIDS years" in San Francisco.

It was a difficult movie to watch, but at the same time, it was such a relief to watch a movie about the things that really formed me as an adult. I was not in San Francisco at that time, but I was in Portland and watching my friends get infected and die.  AIDS was the shaper of my entry into adulthood.

One of the men described this sense of never planning for the future - just paying attention to the now because you didn't know what the future would hold.  I could so relate to that idea. It was so sad and at the same time, so important to watch that film and to know that some of those folks made it through.  I can't even imagine it being worse but I know that it was worse for so many people. I am reminded how lucky I am.

American Idol - Finale Fizzle

****SPOILER****

If you don't already know who won American Idol last night and you don't want to know, you shouldn't continue reading as I will reveal the winner in this post.

I love "American Idol".  I have been watching since the finale of Season 1.  I love watching the performers grow and learn and incorporate feedback to become better performers and singers.  I love Carrie Underwood and Clay Aiken and Kelly Clarkson and several other former Idols.

I wish the finale was more about the Idols.  I don't think it is appropriate for the judges to perform on the Finale as they did tonight. That just seemed self-indulgent.  Additionally, the Bee Gees tribute was AWFUL. I know it was live and they had little time to prepare the harmonies but it was AWFUL.  It would have been better to just show a clip of Robin Gibb from a couple of years ago when he was on the show instead of a poorly mic'd, poorly rehearsed off-key version of Bee Gees classic songs.

And why WHY WHY!!!??? would they waste a Jennifer Holliday performance by splitting it up with a 16 year old?  Sure, she can sing, but she is a mimic.  Someday, she might be an artist - right now, she isn't at the level of performance to be able to interpret songs in her own way.  The song she chose for her single, should she win, was proof - she hadn't been practicing that song since she was 5 years old, watching the original performers on YouTube, so she had nothing to help her. If she had the right song or a song that people had heard before and she could have studied for a couple of years, she probably would have won.

I'm not sure that Phillip will be all that happy as an American Idol - I have heard the contracts are very restrictive. Who knows?  I was happy for him and moved by his performance at the end.

Rant over - except to say that next year, I doubt I will subject myself to the entire finale. I really only want to hear the Idols perform - I haven't really enjoyed the jam-session atmosphere they have had for the past few years. I might be alone in that, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to remind myself to just fast forward to the end and have done with it.

Congrats to Phillip Phillips.  I hope he can take care of his health and enjoy his win.

Working to Achieve some Peace

I try to do this. Sometimes I wish other people would try it, too.

Monday Blues

I definitely have the Monday blues today. No particular reason - just mourning the end of the weekend. I'm excited for summer this year - I'm hoping that the sunshine will buoy my spirits. I haven't been super down or anything, just feeling the doldrums a bit.

Looking forward to a three day weekend for Memorial Day. I have some work to do, but still, it is something I can do from home. Maybe a movie if there is anything out I want to see.

Frozen in Place

I don't know why this year has been so difficult to get going on things. I have so many things happening, so many things I want to do and then I get overwhelmed by my own plans for myself and...nothing.

I guess I need the space of not doing to lead to the doing. Or maybe I'm just scared of it all. Scared to fail. Could be a strange mix of both.

I don't want to be frozen. I have to warm up and move my feet - there is a big world waiting for me and lots of good things to do.

Gratitude Dance

I know I have seen "Where the Hell is Matt?" and his dancing antics. For some reason, when a friend posted this video today on Facebook, I clicked on it and it made me cry. Watching the "Gratitude Dance" just reminds me of all the beautiful possibilities in our lives and in the world and how I sometimes forget about that.

Even if you have watched Matt's dancing antics before, it moved me enough to cry this viewing. Totally unexpected. Give it a try. The feel-good part is worth 4 minutes of your life. And the beautiful music is just a big plus.

Still Learning the Same Lessons

Much as I want to make the world an easier, better, happier place to be - even just my own little corner of it, I can't. That is just the reality of the world. But I guess the beauty is that as much as I know that I can't make it all work, I keep trying my best and I keep re-learning the same lesson. There is a kind of beauty in that. A little bit sad, too, but there is something beautiful about ignoring current wisdom to keep doing what you feel in your heart.

Last Dance, Donna Summer

I always loved this song. Donna Summer seemed like a classy lady.

I love GLEE

Last night, the "Glee" episode just reminded me of how much I admire the show. I love that it has made it 3 years in a time when television shows are all knock-offs of each other. All the cop shows are going to blow up their buildings, the doctor shows are having crashes or bombs or some dramatic death. At this point, a dramatic cliffhanger is really only whether or not the show will come back in the fall.

I love that "Glee" has brought older music to young people, younger music to older people, genres introduced to folks who might never have listened. I love most of the guest stars they have had, I love the performers. I love that they guy who plays Finn has grown so much and that they ALWAYS choose the perfect song. Last night, I wondered if he ever had imagined himself singing on television. I love Lea Michele and her voice. I love Chris Colfer and Kurt. I think his relationship with his dad is amazing and I wish that Roby was alive to see it - to know that a straight dad COULD be a good father to his gay son.

I love Glee. Love Love Love.

Art Journaling Hiatus

I haven't done any art journaling in a long time. At first, I was just busy, but then, after a while, I started the "what if they aren't perfect?" talk and I haven't let myself just play. I'm working on figuring out some time off from work and I think I will bring my art journal with me wherever I decide to go (beach, I think).  I am missing the tangible making of something.

Hopefully, I will get back into the swing of it. I think I need to watch Teesha Moore's tutorial videos for some inspiration.  And then there are the classes I was in the middle of...they will have some inspiration, too.

Just writing about it here makes me feel excited!

REPOST: Don't Fix on Me

This was from www.thecircleproject.com as a free download.  The website/project is not active right now. For more inspiration and affirmation, go to 37Days.com or David Robinson's website.

Some days, this is just what I need to hear.

Smelly Things

I wish "they", the product-makers in the sky, would make things without scent.  These days, even things that are supposed to be scent-free have a scent. It is more and more chemically based. I keep looking for more and more natural products, but even they often have a smell. I don't like being so sensitive - it makes it really hard sometimes.  I can't bear the smell of most detergents, soaps, many shampoos, fabric softener, toilet freshener, tissue...

I have a headache from the laundry detergent I have been using for months.  I just changed clothes. It is the same detergent. But now it smells. I have to go check and compare labels. What did they add and WHY??

Workshop Day 2

It takes an enormous amount of energy to be around people sometimes.

Workshop Today

I went to a workshop on vicarious trauma tonight. I watched an important movie called "Audism Unveiled" which I have seen before.  It is something I plan to take in annually as it has powerful implications for the sign language interpreting field and some important reminders about the generational trauma experienced by Deaf and hard of hearing folks, as well as anyone who belongs to a group that has been persecuted or has experienced oppression. It is often easy to forget all the things privilege brings us.

If you want to know more, here is a link:  Audism Unveiled