Connectedness and Emotion

My second interpreted performance of "Wicked" was today. I had friends in the audience and it was a matinee. I don't love matinee performances as it is not the time of day I feel most energized and alert, but I tried to set myself up for success. I had rehearsed the heck out of it since the last performance, knowing where my trouble spots were.  I decided to take as much of the positive energy from my tribe as I could and channel it into the performance.

I had a few rough spots and a couple of silly mistakes, but overall, I think it went very well. My hands were shaking before the show, which is unusual. I had eaten, so I'm pretty sure it was nerves and emotion.  This was cemented when I almost started crying like 3 times during the show. Luckily, the tears came at appropriate moments - during, "I'm Not That Girl", "Defying Gravity" and "No Good Deed".

I felt really connected to the character of Elphaba this time - in a way I haven't before. I was thinking about it on the way home today and I realized that she is like Mark in "RENT" - a little alone, an observer, somewhat misunderstood.  Their lives are not conventional in some ways and I sometimes feel that way - like my life's purpose is not on the traditional trajectory - marry, kids, happily ever after. I am a recorder, a watcher, I have other things I'm supposed to do.  I think I'm okay with that, but sometimes, it is just the realization that other people experience that, see that happen to people.  I don't know if that was all it was - it was good to have people from my tribe there - I felt like something was really complete in the day for me.

Anyway, it was a good day. I'm exhausted but happy.

My Tribe

I got to hang with people from my tribe over the weekend. It was good. There is nothing like sinking into the company of people who know your stories and have seen you at your best and worst and love you despite everything.

Visiting My Tribe

I had an opportunity to visit with some of my friends tonight - some of them, I see pretty regularly, some I see occasionally and some rarely. These are the people I share my history with, my profession, my gaffes, my missteps and my stories. They are my tribe - or at least the core of it.  We have blown to different areas, living our lives, but still a strong thread holds us in formation and a slight pull moves us all toward the middle for brief periods.

I realized tonight that storytelling is like using a foreign language - you lose your fluency if you don't do it very often. I felt rusty tonight. Rusty like my interpreting feels sometimes.  I'm hoping to change that in both arenas - I just need to practice both more often.

It was a good evening.