I was driving home yesterday and the thought occurred to me that I was tired of living as if every day the other shoe would drop - lots of work stuff, health stuff - just feeling like I'm always under the gun and feeling the pressure of it. Then, I'm not sure how or why, but I realized that I had sort of goldfished my life (yes, I know, not a real phrase - go with me here).
Goldfish grow to the size of the environment they are in...
It made me think about the reality of things...When I was 18, my best friend found out he had HIV. For the next 10 years, we lived as if the next day would be the last. THAT is pressure. But when you live in a small box, a work box, and you see the same people every day and you don't really see the world or your impact in it, it is easy to feel like what is happening to the box is THE REALITY. It is, and it isn't.
When I worked as a freelance interpreter, I had a level of perspective that is sometimes lacking in the life I live now - I saw different people each day, from all walks of life, facing different life issues - from the ridiculous to the profound. Dealing with the profound daily in my formative adult years, I felt like I could appreciate all the levels in between. Now, the problems of the day often feel profound, but when I take a step back, I realize that they are just problems - not easy ones, certainly, but no one died from them.
I don't know why, but remembering my own past - not the details or a specific story, but just the global reality of what Roby and I experienced as young people, it helped me put things into perspective this week. It made me think that these issues are going to be fleeting and I will walk out the other side a better person than I was before - stronger.
I don't know if that makes any sense...I guess it is late and it is Friday, so it will have to be good enough for the time being.