Osama Bin Laden was killed yesterday. Tsunamis and nuclear meltdowns, 240 tornados in one day. Friends dying. Work is challenging. Political disagreements. The air is heavy. I feel the weight of it on my shoulders though none of it is mine. My daily life is not affected at this point - not in the ways that these other people are impacted. I just feel it.
I was talking to a friend about "America's Funniest Home Videos" a couple of months ago - I was saying that I can't watch the videos where people get hurt/hit/fall/crash. They looked at me incredulously, "Why? It's funny..." I actually feel it. When I see those images, images of real people being injured, even comically, I actually have a physical sensation usually from mid-thigh to mid-chest - like someone pulled string and it zips up through my body. I can't really explain it - I haven't always had it, but it gets more intense as I get older. It started after Roby died - I stopped being able to watch certain kinds of films and things. I can't even bear to hear someone get hurt. Obviously, I know that in a movie, the person is ACTING, but I have to cover my ears and close my eyes. Weird, huh? I just put it down to being a "highly sensitive person" and leave it at that.
Anyway, this week, the world feels heavy. I remember this one time when we went to the base swimming pool in Florida. They had left the chlorine machine (or whatever) on too long and didn't know it. We all got into the water and there was this weird, heavy quality to the water. There were actual blobs in the water that formed (I don't know if that was chlorine or something caused by having too much chlorine - not a scientist or a pool specialist!). That is how it feels to be walking around right now - like we are walking through giant blobs of guck.