When you are writing, do you prefer to use a pen or a computer?
I prefer to use a pen when I’m writing, but my wrists don’t really like it much. My hands will start to hurt after a while.I think there is just something much more kinesthetic about writing by hand and with a pen. Pens have a certain feel to them that I love – a smooth gel pen traveling down the page is the best thing.Again, since I haven’t really sat down to write anything creative or of substance, I haven’t really done any work with a pen unless it was in my art journal.
I’m still thinking about writing a play and that would definitely be easier to write on a computer with a playwriting program instead of writing it out and then trying to format it back into something.I don’t know why a play has been on my mind…it just feels like that is where my mind wants to go. I don’t know if it will ever come to fruition, but I want to try.
It is hard to believe that July is over today. All we have is the rest of the day and then we are on to August. Time goes by so fast sometimes, it amazes me.
This week is "Les Miserables", so I will be rehearsing and seeing the show and then interpreting on Thursday. I'm excited for the new production and nervous at the same time. I always ALWAYS love the show, but they keep cutting little bits away and I miss those little bits when they go. I'm also nervous about the new set and costumes and everything. I remember people saying, "The show is so GREY." I always thought they were crazy. Eventually, I realized that if you only see it one time and you haven't listened to the music since 1985, the show might seem grey. For me, all the color and soul and beauty is in the words, in the voices, in the stories of redemption, friendship, love, sacrifice. I don't need the chandelier from "Phantom" or the color and movement of an action movie. There is something so rich about this particular story for me and I guess since it is part of me, I've been listening to the music my whole adult life, that makes a difference. Anyway, I am anxious to see what the revival brings.
A new Nablopomo starts tomorrow, as well. I've forgotten the topic of the month, but I never really follow those themes anyway. More on that later.
More and more now, I get the sense that there is something else that I am supposed to be doing. I don't necessarily mean "work in the world" as in job, as in career. I just know that there is so much more to it all than what I am currently subsisting on. That is exciting to me - to know that I am on the path, that I am still seeking, curious.
Running on little sleep today, I had a great interpreting day. The rest of the day was harder - I had a hard time processing even the most simple request. I felt like I was missing a piece of my brain all day. Interestingly, though, because my defenses were down from being so freaking tired, my brain was all over the place thinking about stuff. Nothing concrete enough to really write about here. I just have a lot of plans and a lot of things to do. I just need to get out of my own way long enough to accomplish something.
For some unknown reason, I wanted to add that I get daily emails from a website called "Notes from the Universe" and today's message was perfect for the day:
"There are only miracles, Jean, and to one degree or another they all soothe, pamper, and enrich. However, to avoid blowing too many minds at once, some are disguised as unpleasant surprises, botched circumstances, and twisted acquaintances that can rarely be seen for who or what they truly are until the pendulum has fully swung.
When I was getting ready to go to Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday, I walked by the kitchen window and saw this little bird on the bird feeder. I ran to get my camera and took some photos. It is a sweet little thing...I don't know exactly what kind of bird, but I will try to find out.
He just sat on the feeder - for about 20 minutes or so. I guess he was resting. Or maybe he ate too much for Thanksgiving and couldn't go anywhere for a while.
Finally, on Sunday night, I have recovered from my foray out into the world of Black Friday shopping. Traditionally, I'm more of a "buy nothing" person on the day after Thanksgiving. I worked retail for enough years that I can really appreciate just staying home and not bothering to join the crowds. When I worked, it was the one day of the year that NO ONE was allowed to have off. Our store was small, so having the whole staff there, even on a staggered schedule, was a big challenge, but we did it.
Last year, for the first time, I went out shopping at 4:30 a.m. to buy toys for a charity for Deaf kids. I had limited funds and had made a commitment to donate toys and I didn't want to fall down on my responsibility. I got a lot of "Buy one, get one free" items and things for less than 50% off. All in all, I was able to purchase about 28 gifts to donate.
This year, I was more focused on WHAT I wanted to purchase and tried not to worry too much about anything else. I got "Buy one, get one free" items as well as some supplies that, while inexpensive, will hopefully be a hit with the kids. I went to Fred Meyer at 4:45 a.m. and parked near the doors where the toys were. I didn't stand in line because that just seemed like overkill. I waited in my car and I was able to get everything I wanted and a bit more. The biggest challenge for me was waiting in the long checkout line when I was ready to leave - I don't remember that from last year. I think I may have missed the first checkout frenzy last year, so it didn't really show up in my plan.
I feel good about being able to give twice as many gifts for the kids this way. I worry that they won't like the gifts, but if they don't, it is still the thought that counts, right? That is so hard to keep in mind. I started to second guess myself this weekend, but I just decided that if they don't like their gifts, they can trade or something.
If I am still giving to this charity next year, I may actually look in the paper for gifts for my family/friends. If you look in the right places, you can certainly find some good deals and if you are already in the store and really know what you want, why not? I'm not willing to go all over town to every store in the world or to fight with people trying to get "door busters" at Target, but I am willing to entertain a new tradition and to see where it leads. We'll see. I may just maintain the status quo, too.
I was thinking about stuff, as I am wont to do, and I was struck (again) by the fact that my life is just cruising along. Like it or not, every day dawns with new possibility and I just keep doing the same stuff. Still keep working, still keep thinking about how I want to do art, keep thinking that I want to finish my degree.
None of these thoughts are a revelation. I think Roby's birthday and the anniversary of his death and my father's death just put me in the space thinking about what I have left undone and what I still want to do.
Today, I was watching GlobeTrekker on PBS. It was rerun of a woman in Zambia (I think). She went to Victoria Falls (there is a native name, but I can't remember it...sad, really that we only remember the conqueror's name for something so spectacular) and swam in this pool right at the edge of the falls. I'm not sure I want to swim in the pool, but I would love to see Victoria Falls. I would love to go to Africa, period. I would love to travel back to some of my favorite places from when I was a child. I would love to see some new places.
I guess I better start my list and start checking things off. Maybe that is my goal for 2011. I'm sure it will take me a few years, but at least I can get started. Something to think about, right?
Happy Birthday, Roby. You would have been 44 years old today. It's hard for me to imagine, especially after unearthing this hysterical photo from high school. If AIDS hadn't entered our lives when we were so young, I like to think that you would have gone on to be a big name in Portland theatre. I don't know if you would have, but I like to think so.
As I posted on my Facebook, I'm sure Roby is somewhere screaming at me to take this photo down, but it is just one more part of him and is the catalyst for lots of great memories. I worked at the props master for this show, "The Dining Room" in our senior year of high school. It was a dinner theatre production that we did in the round in the cafeteria. People were served prime rib dinner and then the show. One night, I was rushing across the stage towards the cafeteria and I notice Roby sitting on the edge of the stage. He was very upset. We sat together for a long time that day, just talking. It was one of those moments when I knew we had trust - he hadn't thrown up a wall of humor to throw me off the track. We had a real conversation about real issues in his world.
I would love to know him as a 44 year old. Alas, he was only with us for 29 years. But his memory lives on with many.
Roby and Fiona in "The Dining Room" circa 1985.
Roby, you are fondly remembered. Not just by me. By many. I love you.
Angie and Roby in the Green Room before "The Dining Room" in 1985.
Here is my Facebook status from this morning:
“Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.” Kahlil Gibran
I am grateful for all the people in my life, all the grace and joy I have been given and all the experiences that have led me here. Well, maybe not ALL the experiences, but mostly. ;)
Had a lovely Thanksgiving meal with friends and family today. Now, I'm gearing up for a foray into Black Friday. I never shopped on Black Friday until last year. I go for the sole purpose of purchasing toys for a holiday party for Deaf and Hard of Hearing children and their families. I figure that is a good cause. I don't shop all day, I don't go wandering from store to store. If I don't get what I'm hoping to get, so be it. I will just move on from there. I am hoping to get some good deals on games and art supplies to make gifts for the kids at the party. Wish me luck.
I miss "Joe Boxer" Target commercials with the happy guy in his happy boxer shorts doing a little dance. Every time I saw that, it made me smile.
Now, we have crazed Target sale lady (aka Maria Bamford). Seriously, if I saw this woman in real life, I would run, not walk, in the opposite direction. The look in her eyes is SCARY. I have known mentally ill people and they have THAT look. I know that Target is trying to be funny, but I think "Carol of the Bells" is permanently ruined by the ad where our sale-obsessed heroine is tied down with Christmas lights and alarm clocks so that she will wake up in time for the Day after Thanksgiving sales and she is "bing ding ding dinging" to the tune.
When I stopped to think about the difference between the two ad campaigns, I realized that they are really indicative of the state of the world right now. Happiness and sanity are not really in plentiful supply at this point. Everyone feels crazed and worried and anxious. For me, this makes me want to at least SEE happy people to remind me what it looks like. I don't want to see more unhappy, psychotic people. I want to imagine what life COULD be like again and will...
I hope the crazy Target lady goes away after Thanksgiving, but I have a feeling that she is here to stay, at least through the holidays. She is even worse than the shrill-voiced shrieking woman in the Old Navy ads. That's saying a lot.
**Just for the record, I'm not the only one who thinks this way...A more intelligent, articulate posting is here.
Well, I worked from home today because the main road by my house was frozen for a good portion of the day. I'm pretty sure that a lot of the main roads were fine, but it takes a while to actually get to the main roads. By the time it cleared up, it was hardly worth going in as I was concerned about getting home again. Of course, I always make the decision on the days when it clears up. The days it is horrible, I am usually already out of the house and end up on some hotel. I guess I should have just gone in, but I did get a lot of work done.
I ordered two back issues of Art Journaling from Stampington and Company - I think I have been despairing that my art journals haven't looked perfect or the way I expect - even though some of the pages have come out pretty good. I needed some inspiration that I can make it look any way that I want. In my saner moments, I KNOW this, but for some reason, I need a lot of reinforcement in this area. I looked through one issue while I was waiting for "Dancing with the Stars" results and I even did a little bit of work in one of the journals I started. Here's hoping I will get back to it - it has been bothering me that I haven't been doing anything, but I couldn't really bring myself to it. I guess everything has its own time and place.
I had great Chinese food from Szechuan House tonight - I thought it was a great choice for Thanksgiving week when all the traditional (and somewhat bland) food reigns. I have been going there for a long time and tonight it was DELICIOUS. They make a mean hot and sour soup. If you are ever in the area, I highly recommend the place. It doesn't look like much in its little mall, hidden back there, but the food was very good.
I really wish that I could enjoy the snow. It is so beautiful on the trees and on the ground. But I don't enjoy it at all. I worry. I worry about work, I worry about getting to or from work. I worry about the people I work with and if they will be safe and take care of themselves or if they will worry and try so hard to get there and put themselves in danger.
We don't know how to drive in the snow and everyone makes fun of Portland for practically closing down, but with the snow comes ice and danger when you have to drive over bridges and overpasses that cover water. Schools and businesses don't want to close, so they wait until the last minute to decide which means there are almost always some people who had already started their trek before the decision was made. Sometimes, I just wish we didn't have so many hills or so much ice or so many over-water roads. Maybe it would be easier then.
I feel cranky about the snow because everyone is always wishing for it and then when it comes, they complain or are upset when decisions are made that mean they have to continue real life and drive in treacherous conditions. STOP WISHING FOR SNOW for heaven's sake! The only time I really welcome snow at this point is when everyone is already at home and no one will be affected (which is really never, when you think about it...)
Anyway, that's all. I don't even feel better for being cranky about it.
We have entered the extreme language zone for 2010. "Arctic temperatures" and "Storm Watch 2010" and all the accompanying stupidity. "Be sure to watch our exact, down to the second doppler, radar, sonar, weather predicting program for the next 4 hours so that we can show you pictures of the snow FLAKES that were coming down 3 hours ago. We will show them over and over again because there is no actual snow falling in the area right now..."
Basically, it *might* snow. It might not. It is cold. Ironically, it is also November - the traditional time for cold weather in the northern hemisphere. Most of the news agencies have sent their crack reporters out to the far reaches of the area to stand in the dark and talk about the snow that hasn't happened yet. One station even talked to a runner who was prepared for the weather by...hold on...making sure that he watched for cars in the bad weather. Now, forgive me, but I'm pretty sure that my parents told me to watch out for cars ALL THE TIME. I know that seems radical, but it makes prep for the bad weather seem pretty easy.
I am bringing clothes in the car to ensure that if it snows while I'm at work, I will not have to drive in it. I will book a room at the Hilton and have a little staycation with cable TV.
Now that I have time and a little more energy, I wanted to take some time to focus on the fantastic evening I had on Wednesday at the "Les Miserables" 25th Anniversary Concert movie event. I LOVE Fathom Events - showing Opera, theatre, competitions, art events, anniversary showings of old films - what a fantastic idea! I love that someone thought of this. If people are able to see unfamiliar types of events for affordable prices, they might fall in love with an art genre that they would never have been exposed to otherwise. This goes back to the whole idea of listening to your parents music or to the radio - you hear things you might not choose to listen to but then you might be inspired to explore. With iPods and headphones and backseat DVD players, there has to be another way to expose people to different types of entertainment, different music genres, etc.
The "Les Miserables" concert was beautifully filmed, beautifully staged and had an incredible cast of talented actors and singers. The gentlemen who played Valjean, Javert, Thenardier and Enjolras were BRILLIANT singers. Lea Salonga was very good as Fantine - passionate, beautifully sung. The woman who played Eponine was outstanding. My favorite cast member in this production was the boy who played Gavroche. He was a FIRECRACKER! Charisma poured out of him - he could act, he had great physical presence and he could sing. It made me long for the old "Little People" song from the original version of the show.
Even in concert version, I was moved to tears. Just being immersed in this beautiful show again was such a great experience. I found myself remembering moments in my life when those songs and the show were pivotal - lots of memories of Roby and NYC. It felt like being at a live show. The audience was electrified, too. People clapped and cheered in the movie theatre and seemed very emotionally invested. It felt like a room full of people you know because we all shared one thing - love of this show.
After the curtain call, Cameron McIntosh came out and said a few words along with Alain Boubil and Jean-Michelle Schoenberg (the French composer and Lyricist) and Herbert Kretzmer (English language lyricist). Then they brought out the 1985 Original London cast members. Thankfully, Michael Ball was there (the BEST Marius ever cast in the role and still able to sing the part better than anyone else) and Colm Wilkinson.
The piece de resistance for me was having 4 different Jean Valjeans sing "Bring Him Home" together. They had the current Valjeans from the Barbican and Queen's companies, Colm Wilkinson and the concert Valjean sing together. It is so beautiful.
The Four Valjeans sing "Bring Him Home"
I really only had two complaints:
1. I wish the entire show was still intact - this seemed to have some edits. I am hoping that most of the edits were for the concert and not permanent changes.
2. As I stated in a post a couple of days ago, Nick Jonas was not good. I felt badly for him - he was surrounded by these classical and clearly trained singer and he sounded like he had a clothespin on his nose. His voice is much too thin for the part of Marius. Unfortunately, no one has ever been able to sing the part like Michael Ball could. I always thought it would be impossible for someone to sing Valjean as well as Colm Wilkinson, but I have never heard a bad Valjean. I definitely have my favorites, but I have never heard it sung badly - even in the high school production I interpreted. Marius - that's a whole other story. From the original Broadway Marius (forever captured on the OBC recording and on the 1987 Tony Awards show performance) on down to this guy, the Marius' have been thin voiced and unconvincing. Shame, really, since he has some powerful music to sing.
Here is Michael Ball singing "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" from the 10th Anniversary concert:
Anyway, all in all, it was the highlight of my week. Actually, it was the highlight of the Fall for me, I think. I am hoping, hoping, hoping that this will be sold on DVD like the "RENT" Broadway closing DVD and all the other "Les Miserables" videos. I can't wait to have it in my hot little hands!
It is fascinating to me that expending emotional energy is much more taxing to me than working a long week or doing a show or traveling. It is on my mind because this week has been one of those weeks. By yesterday, I literally felt like someone was beating me up in my sleep. One evening, I went home and ended up in my pajamas by 8pm. I didn't necessarily go to bed at 8pm, but having my pjs at that time is quite a statement for me.
Other things I have been thinking about this week - where is the art? I have been thinking about it so much and looking at blogs and books and magazines about art journaling, etc., but I haven't been DOING art. That is frustrating for me - I WANT to, but I just haven't done it. I think the whole "set it up, do it, take it down" is a big deterrent for me. I want to have a space where I can leave a project without having to clean it up before I am done with it. I was fantasizing about having a studio space the other day. It isn't really practical, but I like to think about it.
I'm hoping to take some classes at either Art on a Lark or Collage this winter. I also have a PCC catalog, so I may be taking an art class or a writing class this winter. Just something to keep me disciplined and learning new techniques. That's pretty exciting for me. I love taking classes. I'm thinking about trying to finish my BA degree, too, so starting in classes that are less academic, but that require commitment and energy is a good start.
Well, TGIF! Here's hoping I play in art and maybe even see the new Harry Potter movie this weekend. :)
Please understand that I mean this in the kindest way possible.
If an event starts at 7:30pm and you are with any more than 2 people and you show up at 7:29pm, please do not expect patrons who showed up ahead of time to accommodate you. Please do not ask me to skooch over or tell me your sad story of woe about how you want to sit together. I made arrangements to be there early with my people. You can do it, too. If you choose not to, please accept the consequences gracefully and quietly. Come in, find a seat, separate or together and sit down.
If you show up late alone, there might be seats. Please go to one and sit in it. If you show up late with a group, please assess the situation and then make a quick determination - either sit in the front where there are groups of available seats or sit separately. Do not wander to and fro in front of the screen talking about how full it is and are those 3 seats together in the back taken. The event has started.
That is all.
Thank you.
Jean
P.S. Nick Jonas should not have been given the role of Marius. 'Nuff said.
Well, friends, it's that time of year again. Right now, I'm planning a "holiday/end of year celebration", a toy collection with an exhibitor's table and a dessert/bingo event that are all supposed to take place in the month of December. There is Thanksgiving, Roby's birthday, trying to buy the toys for the toy collection, trying to get through the holidays personally.
I don't love this time of year and I don't get how I end up being saddled with all this stuff. Mostly, it is my job to do it but I keep saying it, "I AM NOT A PARTY PLANNER." I don't know what people like, I want them all to have a good time, I have a fear that if I plan something, people won't attend. I hate that. :(
Wish me luck. And if you want to donate some toys, we are collecting $$ and toys for the Deaf Kids Holiday Party. The toys should be for kids ages 8-10 and their worth should be about $10. I have a few ideas that I am investigating and am looking out for good sales between now and the Monday after Thanksgiving. Contact me if you are interested or if you know any families with Deaf or Hard of Hearing children - I want to help the organization get the word out about the party.
Today, as I drove home well after the time I should have been driving home, I was remembering a conversation I had with a woman I met at the writing retreat I went to two weekends ago.
We had all done an exercise where we met women and said, "I am a writer." The rest of the day, when I met a new woman, I would ask her what she wrote. The danger was that if I asked them that question, they would ask me...One woman I talked to - Erin - said she wrote a blog. I said that I did too...
Yesterday, I was thinking about Erin and about writing and her blog and mine. I had the passing thought that this is not a writer's blog in the classic sense. That's okay - I'm not saying it is bad. But I imagined Erin coming to this blog and what her reaction might be. Then I thought about my own floundering sometimes when it comes to posts. I'm not sure what any of this means, but I was just thinking about it.
I have been cleaning, decluttering and getting distracted from all of the above this weekend. I have made some progress, although not enough for my taste. Then I got distracted because I was frustrated with my progress but lack of progress in my head.
I found some of the photos I have been wanting to scan, so I did and am posting them here today. I'm still frustrated with my lack of ability to scan slides, though. I have a feeling I'm going to have to go professional on them, but I have heard that they ruin the slide if you do take them in. I'm not sure I'm ready/willing to chance that just yet.
So here are some of the photos I've unearthed today. I found more, but I didn't feel like taking the time to edit them all, so I will post more in the coming weeks. For now, some childhood photos, a picture of my dad, my mom, some of my sister and I.
Good memories, all.
David F. Miller, USAF probably around 1973ish
Sandy (5), Jean (5), Linda (9) May 1973. Aurora, Colorado in front of our house. Crawford Elementary School is across the street.
My fifth birthday. Friends of the family, the Browns, there celebrating with us.
My fifth birthday with the pink stuffed dog gift I fell in love with instantly.
Linda and I in the "little bedroom" with Pez dispensers. I remember watching "Emergency" in there and listening to Kenny Rogers and the First Edition in here.
Me. 1973 Easter dress. Close up from the next photo.
I have to rescan this straight. Linda and I in our identical Easter dresses. I believe we have photos of us outside, as well, where you can see that the state of my dress is much more disheveled. 1973.
Me again. May 1973. Detail from the earlier photo. I like this picture. :)
Linda from when Mom was living in West Virginia while my dad was in Vietnam.
Mom when she was living in West Virginia while my dad was in Vietnam. Probably 1964-65.
It was nice to see some of these old photos. My family never hung photos because we were in the military and they would have to pay for any "damage" done to the apartments we lived in. Basically, white walls. Photos mostly on slides and one or two photo albums. Then, almost all of our photos from the time we were in Germany were stolen when we were moving back to the U.S.A. - the cameras were in the same boxes as the photos. (Lesson learned.) My parents would pull out the old slide projector once or twice a year, so seeing old photos is always a big treat for me.
