All Out Friday

Well, as you can probably imagine (or know from reading here before), I burned up all my energy last night interpreting the show. In the perfect world, I would take the day after a show off, too, but it just isn't realistic in my work world any more.

I decided last night that I need to do some strength training for my legs and back. Standing on a little platform for almost 3 hours while waving your arms around, sometimes violently, requires stamina.  I certainly know that I have lost some stamina as I don't interpret all day, every day anymore.  I know that I have lost muscle in my arms and hands. Ironically, my grip is stronger now than it was when I was a full-time interpreter. I know that interpreters tend to have overdeveloped small muscles in their hands, so they lose strength in exchange for dexterity. Now I have a little more strength, similar dexterity and less stamina.  That needs to change.

I have to work on Saturday (bummer) so one more day to get through and then a glorious day of NO COMMITMENTS!!  I had wanted to go to the movies, but I suspect that staying in my pajamas all day will probably win.

A Moment to Breathe

I finished the show tonight, so I am feeling pretty amped about getting some time back in my life. It has been a hectic several weeks and I have really been craving a movie or some art or something that I don't feel guilty about doing/seeing.

I know that my guilt is self-created - I just have such a strong sense of responsibility. Sometimes it is a good thing, sometimes, not.

The show went pretty well, although I am working on a plan to really get back to feeling prepared for shows in a more comprehensive way. It is easy to get complacent and not really commit.  I have all the shows on CD for the remainder of the season, so I'm putting them all on my iPod so that I can start listening and getting them into my body. That's the biggest thing for me - if I don't listen to the music early enough, it is this giant barricade in the process for me.

Next up is "HAIR". I have the movie on video and I have the new Broadway version CD, so I will be starting with that this weekend. I have until the end of December, but why wait?  I'm feeling good about my plan  to up my game for this year. I like having a plan.

Shameless Plugs

I just finished rehearsing through the whole show "In The Heights" and I will have some time to rehearse more tomorrow. I really like the show, but I wish I had some more time with it. There is more rap/hip hop than I would like and I have struggled with the pacing, but I think I will be fine.

So, my shameless plugs are for SignPlay, the website I use to advertise interpreted performances in Portland, the state of Oregon and SW Washington.  It is purely a volunteer effort that I try to keep up with in my spare time. (Stop laughing.)  I just did a special page for the show and updated the dates for performances for Broadway in Portland, so go check it out.

Also, I updated the SignPlay.com Facebook page. I don't quite get how to manage information in there, so I don't think I sent it out to all the folks who are "friends" of the SignPlay.com page, but the information is there.  If you have show information of your own, please post there - it goes out to about 100 people, give or take a few.

A Couple of Things (Rant and other)

First thing's first.  In my spare time (of which there is precious little right now), I am reading "Creative is a Verb" by Patti Digh. I just finished reading an essay she wrote about the day she found out her mother was reading her blog and how it affected her. I could really relate to that (not that my mother isn't welcome to read my blog) in the sense that when you know the people reading, you censor yourself in a different way. Maybe censor is too strong a word - edit heavily is maybe more accurate. I know I have written about this topic before.  As I was reading Patti's story, it occurred to me that people come to a blog either because they know you or because you are writing something of interest to them - whether momentarily or on a regular basis. To fundamentally change what you are writing because you know someone is reading seems to me to be a betrayal of self and the reader. Sometimes I write about Roby or about Patti or about my Art Journal and I think, "Oy. I hope this isn't boring for people."  When I started this blog, I was writing real stuff and sometimes now I feel like I'm not hitting the mark in a way that has meaning even for me.  So, I am re-committing to myself - to the blog. I will still edit because my entire life, my every thought, does not need to be published on the internet for all to see. There are some things that remain private, but I also want to be real.  I don't think I haven't been - I just haven't been doing the personal thing and it is has been bugging me in some ways.

The second topic is a rant.

People, please please PLEASE...stop going through doors and stopping in the doorway. Stop exiting the elevator and stopping right in front of the doors.  MOVE OUT OF THE WAY for heaven's sake!!  Tonight, I went to see "In the Heights" at the Keller Auditorium. When I entered the theatre, the ticket-taker (scanner) scanned my ticket and I walked through the door, only to be stopped by people who have stopped in the middle of the entrance for no apparent reason. No movie stars around, no cameras, no bloody people laying on the ground with paramedics rushing to their side.  They are just stopping.  Finally, I managed to wend my way around them to the bathroom.  There is a set of double doors as you enter the women's restroom, but they only ever open one door and the other one doesn't seem to have that magnetic thing that would hold it open.  In my world, you open one door in, so that the long line of women waiting for a stall can stand. The other door should open out so that women who are done in the restroom can leave without being accosted or having to maneuver through the throng of desperately waiting women.  I digress. I approached the double doors where three women stand directly in front of the door handles for BOTH DOORS.  I politely say excuse me and get no reaction, so I reached around and opened the FREAKING DOOR.  When I was done in the restroom, I walked to the door that I think should be the exit door, opened it and was again confronted by a woman standing about 2 feet away but blocking the exit due to the line of women who were going in the other door. MOVE!!  After the show was over, bathroom again, same basic experience AND a woman who stood in front of the paper towel dispenser.  Just standing. Stalls available, so I'm guessing she was waiting for someone. Which is also weird. Go outside. Why do people want to hang out in the public restroom? It's gross.  Is it just me?  I tend to try to get out of harm's way. I try to pay attention to blocking the hall, the door, the aisle. I try to take my little purse/backpack off if it is going to create an issue in the elevator. Please, just move. And help your friends and family move, too. It just makes it easier. Walk through the door and continue to a place that is near a wall or out of the way, please.

Now that I have vented my spleen, I feel a little better.

FWWE Day 12: Patience IS a Virtue

So, all my patience was worth it. This was the balm to soothe my weekend woes...


Fathom Events will be showing the footage of the "Les Miserables 25th Anniversary Concert" on November 17, 2010. The tickets weren't on sale for my location yet, but I am SO GOING. This is like a birthday celebration for Roby and 25 years of fantastic music. It is so much a part of me, I couldn't unwrap "Les Miserables" from Jean, even if I wanted to.

I'm so happy I could burst.

It's the little things, sometimes.

Crossroads

I am struggling with a crossroads right now. There is a situation in my life that I know what I need to do, but I'm not ready to go down the path.  To continue in the manner as I have been is to put myself in harm's way on a regular basis. To stop the pattern is to give up or alter something that I love.

I stand at a difficult crossroads and I am not sure which path I am going to take. Something must change and I am the only thing in my control, so the change has to be in me. Do I change how I feel, what I'm doing, what I'm saying? Do I remove myself from the situation? As I said, I know what I should do, but what will I do?  I'm not ready to face that yet, I guess. There is a little time. I hesitate because the ultimate outcome will have ripples.

FWWE Day 11: Dreams Do Come True

A "Four Word Wisdom Extravaganza" is not complete without something about dreams.  I was working on "In the Heights" - looking for some video to help me visualize the show and I found a video where the Broadway cast included a young fan on stage for the finale of the show. What an incredible gesture!  After having watched some videos, including a clip from "Great Performances" (which I wish I had seen all of...), it is clear that "In The Heights" was the product of a lot of people's dreams coming true. The fact that the cast and production staff of the show were willing to share some of that with a young fan says a lot about the heart of this show and the people involved with it.

"In the Heights" won the 2008 Tony Award for Best Musical.

Here's the clip with their young fan:

Sleep is Calling Me

So last night, my boss and I went out to a very late dinner (thus limiting our restaurant options severely) where a mouse was seen running around the floor of the restaurant. I was embarrassed that I had picked the place, but glad that I had been clear that I picked the place solely on the basis of its hours of operation - they were still open. The food was okay but having rodents running around is kind of a turn-off.  We left the restaurant at 11pm. In the scramble to get out of the workplace, I left my phone, my watch and my credit card on my desk.

The visit was good in many ways - I think there is always an energy that comes to our office when we have an out-of-town visitor. Now there is just the fall out of me being exhausted. Then I had to go home and finalize preparation of my presentations at the local Interpreter training program (ITP) - that kept me up too late, then up early to get there. I was a little discombobulated, so that was disappointing, but it is what it is.

This weekend, I just have rehearsals for "In The Heights". I like the show, but I'm not looking forward to interpreting - I have a character who raps and I suck at interpreting rap-like music. But first, I'm going to SLEEP. No alarm to wake me. Yay!

Busy-ness drawing to an end

The last two weeks have been incredibly busy and challenging in a variety of ways. I'm happy to say that they are coming to and end at the close of the work day tomorrow. I still have a show next week, so I have some rehearsals this weekend, but that will be fine.  I'm looking forward to a little R and R and a little time to not feel guilty for not finishing, helping, researching, presenting or hosting.

Once the show is done, I am going to be diving headfirst into some ART - I think I want to take a couple of classes AND I will be using the neon paint I bought for my journal. I can't wait. I think I have a lot to process, so I am stoked to get started.

I know that I haven't been Wildly Rumpusing recently - please forgive. I will be able to focus in a few days and I think I have some meaty stuff to be writing about. Either that or something fun. We'll see.

The Continuous Reinvention of Wheels

I"m pondering the phenomenon which leads people to clutch ideas closely to their chest rather than sharing so that everyone can contribute their strengths, promote levels of consistency and utilize the collective brain for the best possible outcome.

I guess I have always been a curious person and I want to know what other people are doing - how do they handle people, situations. I think people have so many great ideas and such innovative projects and plans and I always want to maximize the good that can be gotten from something like that.  Much to my dismay, many people are not interested in that kind of sharing.  I haven't decided if my desire to do this is based in some experience I had or if it is some kind of cultural thing. Is it because I am a woman?  I'm not sure, but what I do know is the we waste a lot of time reinventing the wheel.  It is exhausting and irritating sometimes, especially when you know there is possibility out there - you know that there are great minds who are trapped in small thinking.

That's what I was thinking about today.

Brief Intermission

I'm not feeling so hot tonight. I think it is adrenaline fall out, but I'm not sure. I'm going to bed and I have to get to work EARLY tomorrow. Hopefully, my stomach will cooperate with me. Sigh.

FWWE Day 10: My Boss Is Coming!

Please allow me to interrupt my "Four Word Wisdom Extravaganza" with the 4 word announcement that My Boss Is Coming!  The exclamation point is for emphasis that I am excited/happy that my boss is coming to town but also it is to emphasize the fact that he is supposed to arrive tomorrow.

I had an opportunity to clean up the office some, which I don't often feel is the first priority when there is so much other work to do. Even though it isn't done, I am happy I got some of the old boxes moved or unpacked. It is a slow process...

I cleaned and detailed my car, but I got an email tonight saying that they (my boss and another VIP) will rent a car, so that is done for now.

Wish me luck this week. It will be good, but I know there will be some challenges and I just have to keep my stress level at a reasonable place and do only what I can do - there is no reason to freak out or get crazy with worry.

FWWE Day 9: Open Yourself to Fun

Whew! I'm ready for the weekend..Oh, wait...the whole weekend is over. Literally. Yikes. I was really busy and ran around the whole, entire weekend. Presented on Friday, attended on Saturday, bowling with work folks on Sunday. Cleaning car on Sunday...now it is time to settle in for the week.

Even though I didn't have any "self" time this weekend, it was really a pleasure to see so many old friends, new friends and folks I respect and admire. I'm usually resistant to most activities that require me to give up my alone time until I get there and then I always enjoy myself. It was such a crack up to hear everyone saying over and over again, "We should do this more often." People get so set in their ways and it takes something meaningful to just shove them in a different direction. I think lots of people are like me in that aspect - once I start walking in a new direction, I'm okay.  It's the time before I get moved that is the problem.  I just have to open myself to fun.

Anyway, all in all, it was a good weekend. I'm a little tired, but in a good, sated way.  Now, this week...VIPs coming to town for work, lots of stuff going on. Should be interesting.

FWWE Day 8: Commit Time to Yourself

At the workshop I attended today, one of the most valuable things I took away was the affirmation that a life outside of work is KEY to getting through it all and keeping your cool.  It isn't that I don't know that, I DO, but I need constant reminders. As a perfectionist, worrier, people-pleaser I am constantly warring with the competing factions in my mind.

This week doesn't really look great on that front, but I'm looking into it. I need to do some self-care stuff or my heads gonna blow off. I have the show, I have other commitments, but 30 minutes a day - I can manage it. I need to manage it.

So this post is more of a reminder/commitment to myself. Sometimes, when I put things here on the blog, I keep them in my mind longer than when I just think about it on my own. Accountability, I guess.

Tired, but Good

I presented a workshop today at our state conference. More attendees than I have ever had at a workshop. They all seemed engaged and to enjoy it. I got some great feedback both directly and indirectly - this was good because I had a crisis of confidence all day long. New workshop, already wondering what I missed, what I didn't count on, then just feeling the press of everything.

Tomorrow, I am attending a workshop about combating burnout and recommitting to the profession. I'm pretty excited.

Gotta get up early, so I'm off to bed!

FWWE Day 7: Creative is a Verb!

My copy of "Creative is a Verb" came in the mail on Monday.

I love, love, love the subtitle, "If You're Alive You're Creative". I believe this.

   

See, it is autographed!  I tried to take a picture of my quote, but the light wasn't good. I need more than two hands to get a good photo. Coming soon. :)

FWWE Day 6: It Does Get Better

You must read this.  If I thought I could do it better, I would try, but I can't.

Growing up in this world is hard enough, when you add any kind of difference, it just makes it that much harder. Roby was suicidal at times when he was a teenager. I never really understood that inclination - I just never considered suicide an option, but I alway had supports around me and that makes all the difference.

If you know someone who might need some support, reach out.  If you want to know more, check out Dan Savage's YouTube channel for "It Gets Better" - videos to reassure young people who are struggling with their sexuality or struggling with other people who are not accepting their sexuality.  I have seen some of the videos and they are really inspiring. Hopefully, lots of kids are getting the hope they need to get through the tough years.  Here is a story on Savage's idea.

This story was all over Facebook a couple of days ago. I started writing a post, but I think I wasn't quite ready to go there. Sorry for the delay.

FWWE Day 5: I am an Artist

Yesterday, I arrived home from work to find my autographed copy of "Creative is a Verb" by Patti Digh.  I have been WAITING for this book to come out since I heard about it.  When I ordered "Four Word Self Help" directly from Patti, she sent me a note saying that she had quoted me in her new book, "Creative is a Verb".  I was so excited.  Today, when I opened the book, to my surprise, the quote was, "Today, I am an artist."  If you read here often, you know that I struggle with claiming myself as an artist. But there it is, attributed to me, in ink. Printed in a book. I must have said it. Which means it is my responsibility to accept it, now. I think I am there. My true, heartfelt belief is that artists/writers/painters/creative people ARE.  They don't have to sell anything or be famous. They just have to do whatever it is that they are drawn to do.

That's one reason I'm so excited for this book. I know that it will help me walk that path because I know in my heart that being all those things is about doing it because you have to, because you love to, because you need to. It is harder to convince my head. My head that thinks too much and judges too harshly. I just need to keep what I know present and close.

I added the picture from Jamie Ridler Studios that I posted about early in September. She created badges that stated things like, "I am an Artist" and "I am a writer" and "I am creative".  I thought it was a beautiful connection - two women I found in the blogosphere who have been instrumental in me rediscovering my own creative voice.  I think that when you get the same message from the Universe over and over in divergent places, you should pay attention. I'm glad I did and I will continue to do so.

FWWE Day 4: Take a Deep Breath

As part of my desire to honor Patti Digh's newest book, "Four Word Self Help: Simple Wisdom for Complex Lives", I decided to take the month of October and intersperse her four word wisdom with some wisdom of my own.  I am calling this month the "Four Word Wisdom Extravaganza" and, to be honest, the four word phrases come pretty easily. Almost too easily, sometimes.

For today, I needed a reminder that I should have more patience. "Take a deep breath" reminds me to stop, breathe in and out and don't automatically jump to conclusions about anything - whether it is something someone else is doing/thinking/feeling or even my own perspectives. Sometimes, my first thought isn't the right one. Sometimes, I have to let things simmer for a little while before I get clear on it.

FWWE Day 3: Honor Your Past Loves

For today's "Four Word Wisdom Extravaganza" I am honoring a past love - "Les Miserables".  I started listening to this musical in Roby's apartment in March 1986. Our friend, Jamie, brought her copy over and loaned it to us. Roby took the second act and I got the first act cassette. When we got together, we would listen to the whole thing. We ate, slept and drank "Les Miserables" for years.  The producers are celebrating the show's 25th year. Amazing. 

In London, the O2 25th Anniversary Concert of "Les Miserables" is today. I am not there, obviously. They had a new production of the show that played through last night at the Barbican and they are mounting the Original "Les Miserables" at the Queen's Theatre and tickets are available into 2011.

Several months ago, I thought maybe I could make it to London this weekend to see the three versions, but it VERY expensive just to get there and for the seats to all three shows. This weekend is the only time you could ever see all the shows in a weekend.  Then I was trying to figure out the whole lodging thing and then our company asked us to use our PTO by the end of September and I realized I couldn't spend that kind of money if I wasn't able to use PTO for the time. I didn't even even check if there were seats available. If I had planned it all, maybe they would have already been sold out by the time I tried to buy the tickets...

Maybe that is an excuse. I think I was kind of nervous about traveling overseas alone.  I couldn't think of anyone who would want to OD on "Les Miserables" for a whole weekend. And flying there would take almost the same amount of time as the say there...I just didn't know how to convince myself. I'm a little bummed about it, to be honest.  But it's all good. A new production is coming this summer - I can't wait! I should start planning for the 30th Anniversary now.

So, here's to "Les Miserables" - Happy 25th Anniversary!

FWWE Day 2: Technology is My Friend

I know, I know. That four word phrase is pushing it a little for my "Four Word Wisdom Extravaganza". I did it for a reason.  I have spent the day with technology that is NOT my friend. Unfortunately, what I know is that it is not that the technology is unfriendly. It is not that there are no instructions. It is that I have a limited capacity for learning new technologies without assistance. I will get there, but it takes a long time.

Project #1: Figure out how to scan slides into my computer on the HP All-In-One Printer/Scanner/Copier. There is a negative/slide holder and a special way of doing it. There is a "Film" button that is supposed to have a menu that will help me, but it wasn't much help. I ended up scanning a lovely photo of the slide holder and the inside lid of the printer, but I never did get the dang slide scanned. I will prevail! It just isn't going to happen before I interpret "In The Heights".

Project #2: Speaking of "In the Heights", I decided I should have the CDs on my iPod because that is infinitely easier to carry around than the CDs. This way, I put the CDs in my car player and then they can stay there. I can bring my iPod anywhere with me and whip out my show.

I plugged in the iPod and it charged and synced. I was downloading the CD to iTunes in the meantime. When I loaded it, it went in backwards - the second CD before the first. Then I clicked on something that made all the songs flip so that the first song was the last and the last was the first, but it still kept the CDs separated. Brilliantly, I decided I could create a playlist of the songs in the correct order. Easy enough.

Yeah. Right. So, I failed at making a playlist a few times. I kept reading the Help instructions, but I have noticed that there is always a step missing that means I get stuck somewhere between steps 3 and 4...Finally, I created an empty playlist and dragged each song, in the right order into a new playlist. Success! Then I tried to Sync the iPod again. It said it couldn't find the device. I tried it three times. Finally, I ejected the iPod and plugged it back in. For some reason, that did the trick.

I'm not an idiot and I'm not a total luddite, but sometimes, technology gets away from me. Oh well. It's all good. I will remember, Technology is my friend.

FWWE Day 1: Play more, Stress less

In honor of Patti Digh's newest offering, "Four Word Self Help: Simple Wisdom for Complex Lives", I am going to be doing a "Four Word Wisdom Extravaganza" (FWWE for short) during October. If I like it, I might do it longer. :)

In keeping with the theme for October for Nablopomo, I decided that the first "FWWE" Phrase should be:

Play More, Stress Less

I'm a firm believer in the power of PLAY. I think that there is so much in our lives that is serious, so much that requires attention and thought, that it is imperative that we do things that we consider FUN. I don't know that I am as skilled or as practiced at play as I was 10 years ago. I have different responsibilities, I have different priorities, but I know that if I played more and didn't feel guilty about it, I would be happier and that would translate into success in other ways.

One of my favorite things is to color.  I have the most beautiful "Velveteen Rabbit" coloring book. I got it almost 20 years ago.  It took me a long time to actually color in it because it is so beautiful.  Finally, one weekend, a friend and I went to the beach.  We were waiting for someone to arrive and had both been working too much. We got settled in the place we were staying, pulled out the vodka and the coloring book and a bunch of crayons and spent about 4 hours coloring side-by-side, quietly, peacefully.  When we finished the pictures we were on, they were incredibly detailed and we were so relaxed. I'm sure some of the vodka helped, but really, for me, the magic was in the crayons and the paper and the colors and the focus on something that was fun.

All play doesn't have to be peaceful and quiet, obviously. I'm up for some raucous fun and laughter, too.  Playing games, getting together to chat, to paint, to do some kind of arty or crafty thing, all of those can be playing to me. Or bowling. Basketball. Whatever you think is fun. 

My goal is to follow my own advice this month - Play more, stress less.  I like it. I think these themes are going to do me some good. 

Quote and Heads Down

So, I was cleaning my office today. It is quite a chore - we moved into the "new" office more than a year ago, but I never stopped running long enough to unpack everything. My office is filled with boxes that I haven't even opened and I just got tired of it. Today I opened a few - I didn't make much progress, but I did find a bunch of notebooks and things I was using to try to be a better documentor. Hopefully, they will help.
Among the paperwork, I also found a book I had bought at Starbucks (before they laid off my friend). The book is titled "One: How many people does it take to make a difference?" and I found this little thing inside. It resonated. There was no resource, so I don't know who to credit other than the little Starbucks book. Here is the story:

Two Wolves

A Cherokee elder was teaching his children about life.
He said to them, “A terrible fight is going on inside me. It is a fight between two wolves. One is the wolf of joy, love, hope, kindness, and compassion. The other is the wolf of fear, anger, cynicism, indifference and greed. The same fight is going on inside of you and every other person too.” The children thought about it for a moment and then one child asked, “Which wolf will win?” The elder replied, “Whichever one you feed.”

I just thought this was a really simple and beautiful expression of something that I know.  Don't feed the beast.  It is so easy to go there sometimes. 

I have ben keeping my head down and feeding fear a little in the last few days since I got my "unfriendly" comment.  I have been thinking about it a lot and about what I want to do here on the blog and the voice I have or have not found.  It has been fascinating to realize what an impact something so small can have.  I guess I should really be thankful that the person took the time to tell me. I think there are always opportunities for growth - even when it stings a bit.

Anyway, it's all good.  I am excited for October because I had decided to do some "Four Word" stuff and I think that will be fun. I haven't done a theme in a long time and I find that challenging sometimes.  Should be a good month! Starting tomorrow - can you believe it?

My Mentors at TDF

Indian Summer

It has been sunny and beautiful visually, but muggy and heavy in the evenings for the past few days. It is kind of funny because everyone has been wanting "summer weather" since June or whenever it was that we had some sunshine and hot weather (I guess we had some in August...). Now it is all hot and heavy - supposed to be 85 degrees tomorrow.

I am struggling this week with motivation and staying upbeat. I think I'm just out of reserves temporarily. Yesterday, I had an image of a hermit crab retreating into its shell - that is the temptation. It will be fine - September/October are always hard - I think it is coming up on Q4 in the business world, school is starting, schedules change, weather changes, etc., so I just need to adapt to the changes that have been happening and it will all settle down. Happily, I'm not teaching this term or I might not feel so positive.

Don't get me wrong - I love teaching, but it is a lot of work and right now, I just don't really need to add that to my plate. I will get back to it at some point.

A Bit of Fluff

Last night, while I was checking my email and looking at Facebook, etc., I had "Dancing with the Stars" on. I usually have it on and watch it periodically.  I like this kind of show because I don't have to devote my full attention to it.  I also like this kind of show because you can see people grow and change. I love to see this kind of evolution - for example, Kelly Osbourne's transformation as she realized she could devote herself to something and really become quite successful.

This week's swan story was Margaret Cho.  Last week, she had to do a waltz and she seemed very uncomfortable with the whole "I am an elegant lady" concept and made her routine into a comedy act. It was funny, but the judges didn't like it and encouraged her to just focus on dancing, which she did this week.  As I was watching, I realized that if she lets it, this experience could change her life. I love to see people grow in confidence and I could already see that tiny glimmer in her last night.

The surprise of the evening for me is that I felt badly for Michael Bolton. I'm not a huge fan of his music, so I didn't think it would bother me if he gets sent home or if he wasn't good.  I was wrong.  He tried so hard and said that the first week was traumatizing for him because he hadn't done well.  This week, he had to do a jive (I think).  He seemed very nervous, but he worked really hard.  I found myself pulling for him to just have those couple of weeks to build his confidence and not leave him feeling like he should never have done this in the first place.  I'm definitely pulling for the underdog here.

Anyway, that is my little bit of Monday fluff. It is hot and muggy here, so that's about all I could muster.

Shaking Off The Sting

I got my first unfriendly comment today.

It was kind of eye-opening in a way. I often stray away from presenting controversial opinions here (by choice). This weekend, after posting about "Waiting for Superman", I was expecting to maybe have a comment or two disagreeing or bringing up other viewpoints. I was ready. What I wasn't ready for was to apparently bother someone enough that they not only left a very unfriendly comment, calling the blog "whiny and self-serving" but also apparently abandoning the blog (has the person been here before? I don't remember them commenting in the past) when writing about a television show.

While I keep this blog on the public internet and I make choices about the things I want to write here out of a sense of privacy and common sense, it is my personal blog. I write it for myself. I write it to think about things, to express my thoughts, to save videos I like. Most blogs are self-serving. People wouldn't write them if they weren't. I don't sell anything or make any money off this. I did receive a copy of "Four Word Self Help" from Patti Digh's publishers in exchange for a review, but I would have done a review of that book anyway - I love Patti and her work. I will write a review of her next book, "Creative is a Verb" that is due out in November. If there is a Blog Tour, I might try to join, but if there isn't, I will still try to get the word out about her book because I believe in it.

Today as I was processing this comment, I realized that expressing yourself, trying to be true to yourself, trying to find your path in life IS self-serving. That's not always a bad thing. If I hurt people along the way, that is a problem. To be quite honest, I fail to see how this blog hurts anyone, so I'm going to just keep on keeping on. I hope someone would tell me if I am doing damage out there by writing my opinion here - about life, books, music, videos, commercials or television programs.

Whiny? Well, I'm sure that sometimes I do sound whiny here.  I would rather come here and whine than take it out on the world in person. 3D whining is a lot worse. Even if you don't want to hear it, you can still feel the tone as it penetrates your ears. If you are reading something you perceive as whining, you can skip the post, skip the blog or article and make a note never to return or to return another day and give the writer another chance. I try to pay attention to the times when I fall into a pity party - it has happened - and make a conscious effort to refocus on something more positive or something that will remove me from that kind of thinking/writing.

No matter what people think of my blog, my writing, my life, my opinions, this is my online "house". If you are going to come in and criticize the decor or insult the hostess, at least be civil. Or you can leave. Either is fine. I don't mean to sound rude, but I can't control how other people feel. I can just be as honest as I can, as gracious as I can, and we can agree to disagree.

So, gentle readers, that is how I am shaking off the sting of an unfriendly comment. It's all good. I choose to put myself out here, so I have to expect some slings and arrows. I will survive it. Just have to rub some salve on the bruises.

Abandoning "Parenthood"

On Saturday evenings, NBC has given up actually showing movies or having a Saturday night line up - they usually just show 2-3 hours of "Parenthood".  I tried watching it much of last year as Saturday night is often a night that I am home dinking around the house. I like many of the actors who are on the show and had been planning to watch it since I heard that Maura Tierney was going to be on the show.  When she had to drop out due to a breast cancer diagnosis, I was saddened but I decided to watch anyway.

Over the course of last year, I began to feel the same about "Parenthood" as I felt about "Brothers and Sisters". Both shows have powerhouse casts that should become a good ensemble. There is good chemistry amongst the actors, good premise, good acting, smart writing for the most part but NOT ONE ADULT I could relate to or admire or even LIKE.  "Parenthood" only really has one character on the whole show that I can stand to watch. This is a problem.  I decided I was not going to watch the show this year based on that information.

About two weeks ago, NBC showed three episodes of the show from the end of last season (focused on the character I like). I had the TV on and got sucked into the episodes. That night, I decided to give the show another chance. I watched the first episode of the season - not impressed, but not totally turned off.

THEN, I watched the show this week. Frenetic is the only word that comes close to the feeling that was portrayed on this show. Everyone talks at each other, loudly and in whiny voices, often talking over each other. There is very little to like about any of these people, although they remind you of the most neurotic, passive aggressive and just plain selfish people you have in your life. I spent most of the hour trying to keep my blood pressure under control.  I realized that these folks are too much like some of the people I actually have to deal with in my life and the others are too annoying to invite into my home in the evening when I am trying to relax.

I miss well-written sitcoms, to tell you the truth.  There are so few of them these days. Sitcoms are easier - they are not bloody (CSI) or disturbing (Law and Order:SVU) or soap opera silly (Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice).  A smart, funny comedy allows your mind to relax, think about something else and laugh. That's what I want in a television show. It helps me understand why people like so-called "reality" shows - at least most of those aren't stressful. In fact, last night, as I was watching the new "Hell's Kitchen"  episodes I taped this week, I was a little jealous of Gordon Ramsey - he gets to throw things, swear, yell at people and throw them out.

If you want to watch "Parenthood", I highly recommend you watch the movie. Steve Martin, Mary Steenburgen, Rick Moranis, Diane Weist, Jason Robards,  Keanu Reeves, Joaquin Phoenix (then Leaf),  Harley Jane Kozak, and a few other notables. The movie was funny, sweet, moving, gentle. The characters had foibles, but they were a family that loved and supported each other through all their trials and tribulations. There is an element of frenetic-ness, but Mary Steenburgen has a calming influence as the matriarch who stands in her gentle power and the love she has for her family.  This is what I was looking for in the television show, since it was "inspired by" the movie.

Make a Pledge

I'm pretty sure I have written about this movie at least once before, but I decided to mention it again.

"Waiting for Superman" opened in New York and Los Angeles yesterday and will go into wider release in October. Aside from the fact that this is a compelling documentary that examines the current trajectory of American public schools, it is also an important film about social justice and the responsibility we all have as adults, as Americans, to educate our children and prepare them for a future that is becoming more complex all the time.

I cannot think of a more important film to see - regardless of your political leanings, regardless of your parental status. Whatever this film does, it will at least initiate a conversation about a topic that people don't really want to discuss, much less look at with any depth. I know that Oprah did a couple of shows in it this week and the Facebook CEO donated $100 Million dollars in a Challenge Grant to help schools in Newark, NJ.  The winds of change are blowing, but maybe if we help them along, they will get up to the force we need and really start transforming education for our children and for the fate of the country.

Here is a trailer to tempt you:


Here is a clip of an interview with a man named Geoffrey Canada who appears in the film and is helping to publicize this important issue. All four of his children have been or are attending public schools.


Pledge to see the film when it comes to your town. Portland, OR is #20 on the Pledge list.



**Please Note:  While this may be considered by some as a political issue (left vs. right, Progressives vs. Conservatives), I think it is an issue of what is best for children. I DON'T believe that privatization of all schools is the answer, I don't believe that Unions are to blame, I don't think that this is hopeless.

I worked in public schools for 9+ years in addition to my own public school experience. I know what a difference good teachers can make and I know how much damage bad teachers can do. I interpreted in a school where EVERYONE in the school, from the principal to the custodial staff, KNEW that the teacher in my classroom should have been put out to pasture YEARS earlier.  Not only was this person a poor leader, s/he was mean, ineffective and the students were afraid of him/her. When this teacher would start yelling at the students, the kids would start to eat each other alive when they realized they weren't the target. They were so relieved it wasn't them and so desperate to stay out of the line of fire, they would have thrown their best friend under the bus.

I know that special education is something that hasn't really been looked at carefully by charter schools and people who are interested in charter schools, but ultimately, this is something we have to start thinking about. We have to think about how many kids are in special education and we have to think about whether or not we are really serving this population of students effectively. One size doesn't fit all in these situations.

We have a real crisis. This movie opens a conversation. What are we willing to do? What are we willing to expect?  What are we hoping for our children? Our nation? That's why I'm interested in the movie, in the conversation. I am not here to bash teachers. I love teachers. Good teachers. Teachers who care. And most do. But we have a much bigger problem than that...

Friday Fragments

One of the blogs I enjoy visiting is Kristin's The Goat. She participates in a meme called "Friday Fragments" by Mrs. 4444.  Every once in a while, I really feel like I have a bunch of little things to post but nothing long enough to stand alone.  Today is one of those days, so I decided to join in the fun.

Mrs. 4444's Friday Fragments appear on her blog, Half-past Kissin' Time. Pop over and see her FF post today!

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Here is a link to a great blog post I read. I found it when I was linking Skirt! to my "Four Word Self Help" Blog Tour post yesterday. I think it is a common thread running through the minds of a lot of people out there. I don't even use Twitter and it tires me out...Facebook and I have a love/hate relationship. (I can't wait for the movie "Social Network" to come out - story of the Facebook creator(s).

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On a completely NOT related topic, I heard a bumper song on the radio several months ago and I didn't know the name or the performer, but it kind of pops into my head every so often. Every time I hear it, I remember the chorus, "Take me away, Take me away" (I suspect that is why it attracts me - sounds like a Calgon commercial). Well, I heard it while I was in my car about two days ago, I googled the words "Take me away" and came up with lots of things that WERE NOT the song I was looking for. I knew I would recognize it when I saw the performer...I mistakenly thought maybe it was sung by Nicole Scherzinger (sp) or a girl group or something. Finally, last night, I pulled up YouTube and it was the first song that showed up after I entered "Take Me Away" in the search. The song is called "Pocket Full of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingfield. So I don't forget it again, I am posting the video here:

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As I listened to it last night, I realized that there is something I really like about her voice and I also listened to "Unwritten". I know the song was horribly overplayed, but I still like it.

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I found some NEON paint colors at Michael's last weekend, so I'm hoping to do some painting this week in one of my art journals. I have been too tired to do it this week, but I'm looking forward to the weekend and some time to make a mess!

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Friday Fragments is what is called a Blog Hop. I can't get the link to work right now, but I will keep trying and make the appropriate changes. Seems Mr. Computer is having some issues today.

Four Word Wisdom - Blog Tour Day 2

If we all knew the secret to writing a book that resonates, that engages the reader, that elicits loyalty in the reader and passion about sharing the words, there would be a lot more books in the world. If there were a lot more books like "Four Word Self Help: Simple Wisdom for Complex Lives" by Patti Digh, the world would be a happier, more beautiful place.

"Four Word Self Help" is the kind of book you savor. This purse-size book is sturdy, small and beautifully crafted. Visually, there is color and movement in the illustrations, collages, photos and paintings paired with each four word missive. The four word phrases call to mind the intergenerational word-of-mouth kind of wisdom so missing in the world today. When I read this book, I hear Patti's voice talking to me, I imagine us talking about "create a safe space" or "eat less, move more".

Books like this move quietly though us because they seem like they have always been with us. They are not teaching us something we didn't know but reinforcing something we carry deep inside us but don't necessarily investigate or practice. Bringing these thoughts out in a beautiful, small, mobile package means we can move these practices to the surface of our lives and start discussing them, exploring them, incorporating them.

"Four Word Self Help" is divided into twelve sections or "hot-button issues": community, love, stress, travel, soul, wellness, success, green, activism, children, generosity and endings. There is something for everyone from the author of the blog, 37Days.com. I have already started giving copies away as gifts, if the truth be told.

Published by Skirt!, an imprint of Globe Pequot Press of Guilford, Connecticut, you can purchase it in a variety of places (37days.com, Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, Borders, Powell's Books, etc.), along with Patti's other books, "Life is a Verb" and the forthcoming, "Creative is a Verb".

Also, a special note for the locals: Patti will be in Portland for a reading at Powell's Books in Beaverton on November 5, 2010 at 7:00pm. On Saturday, November 6, she will be teaching a writing workshop called "Walking Into Fire: Sidestepping Fear, Writing your Heart out and Letting Your Story Tell Itself" with Jen Louden and Susan Piver. I've already signed up, so maybe I will see you at the reading and/or the workshop!

**Disclosure: In exchange for my participation in the "Four Word Self Help" Blog Tour, I received a complimentary copy of the book from Globe Pequot Press.

"Four Word Self Help" Blog Tour Stop Here! Day 1

I'm not sure when I found Patti Digh's blog, 37Days. Maybe it has been 2 years now. Before she commented here, I think the only folks who had ever commented were friends of mine. She left me a lovely comment at just the right time and on just the right topic. Since then, I have been an even bigger fan of her blog, her books, and her courses. You might even say I'm kind of a cyber-groupie of hers (in a good way).
When the opportunity to join the blog book tour came up on Facebook and on Patti's blog, I threw my hat in the ring. I wasn't really even sure what I was doing. I had some stressed moments after I signed up, realizing that I really didn't know what I was getting myself into. After some waiting and wondering, I received a copy of Patti's new book, Four Word Self Help: Simple Wisdom for Complex Lives from her publisher. I actually got the book from the publisher the day before I knew I was going to be participating in the blog tour - when it arrived, I was a little bit puzzled because the two other copies I had ordered had already arrived.  I thought maybe I had lost my mind and wondered how many copies I had actually ordered.

It has taken me a while to read it because of my crazy life, but also because this book possesses a simple beauty that is really deep and requires thought. As I read the book, I realized that I was trying to take it all in at the same time, but really, I needed to digest each phrase and all the artwork a little more slowly.  There is time for that later - this isn't a one-read book. For now, this is step one on the Wild Rumpusing leg of the blog tour.

Tomorrow, I will be posting more specifically about the book and providing some tempting tidbits so that you will run out and buy these books for all your friends and family for Christmas, birthdays, Hanukkah, or any other gift-giving holiday. I know sometimes people don't really understand the gift of a book like this until they look at it, but once people crack the cover, they fall in love with the colors, the art, the words.

Over the last couple of days, as I have been considering how to best highlight this book, I decided I like the idea of the deeper exploration of this deceptively simple little book that is filled with art and thick, yummy pages. As I have been struggling a little to refocus my thoughts here on the blog, I thought I could take an opportunity for a deeper look and also to focus in on this concept of simple phrases with powerful meaning.  To that end, I hereby declare October "Four Word Wisdom" month here at Wild Rumpusing.  At least once a week, I will choose a four word phrase to prompt a post. I thought it might be a fun homage to choose both some phrases from the book and some phrases that maybe didn't make the cut. :)

**Full Disclosure: Globe Pequot Press publishing provided me with a complimentary copy of "Four Word Self Help" in return for my participation in the Blog Tour.

Weekend Finds

I finally made it over to Uwajimaya but I picked up all this stuff and when I went back to the bookstore area, it said not to bring stuff in, so I didn't want to put the stuff down. I was going to go into the bookstore and find some magazines or images to use in my collage.

Even though I didn't go into the bookstore, I did buy some lovely handmade orange paper that reminded me of India, some airmail paper, some beautiful wrapping bags that I used for a gift for a friend of mine and a couple of notebooks. Something about the shapes and sizes of the notebooks really appealed to me, so I am trying to put them to use at work. I have tried a bunch of different stuff but as I realize that more things need to be documented, I wanted to see what I could do to find just the right thing. I may have found it.

No art since the weekend - worked too late tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Who knows?

Living on an Island

Today, I was having a conversation with someone where I expressed my aversion to interactions with humans who I don't know and the person said to me, "You need to go live on an island somewhere."  It seemed to me, even in that moment that they were thinking that I didn't like/want ANY human interaction. That's not entirely the case - I just don't want to interact with people I don't know in an artificial and uncontrolled manner - such as cashiers who want to talk to me all day or people in line who want to tell me their life story.  I have a magnet that draws people to me who are not necessarily the folks I want to have in my inner circle, if you know what I mean.

I thought about it for a while, though, and I do think that a month off in some deserted location with very little to do and very few people to come into contact with could definitely do me some good. I am in introvert with extroverted tendencies. What this means is that I can be around people and I can manage and maintain, but it really takes all the energy I have to keep it up for long periods of time. To quote my six-year-old self, "It's hard to be good all day." Smiling and nodding and trying to see everyone's point of view all the time is exhausting - it always has been for me. I don't feel that I'm being disingenuous, I am actually pretty good in people-oriented situations, but again, it takes a lot of energy.

When I was a freelance interpreter, lots of crazy things happened that I could make into some funny story, so often, the way that I coped was to tell a funny story. It breaks the tension, it allows me to breathe for a minute - stories come as naturally as breathing to me. Now, I work in an office with all the same people. They are busy doing what they do and I am busy doing what I do. The work is confidential on all sides and it seems to have removed that mechanism for me.

Another thing about stories - often, stories mock the storyteller. When I was younger, I was okay with the kind of self-depreciation that comes with really funny, edgy storytelling. After awhile, I started to shy away from giving that power to people. If you tell them a story about yourself and expose a weakness or a sensitivity, it often comes back to haunt you. Also, I realized that I wasn't always being painted in a good light - whether I deserved that or not. Sometimes because I did a not-so-smart thing or made a decision at 25 years old that I certainly wouldn't make now. The stories are still funny and they are a part of who I am, but I am more cautious about who I share them with.

The other thing that stops me from telling stories is that I don't necessarily have shared history with some of the people I am around regularly. Shared history provides so much context. Telling a story without shared history or at least shared experiences or parallel experiences is like having to explain why a joke is funny to a different culture. It doesn't work. Sometimes it might, but it would take so long to give the back story that it hardly seems worth it.

Anyway, I would love to go to an island for a month and read and listen to music and do art and maybe just sit and stare out at the water and listen to the waves. I could definitely handle that.

New Collage Bits Found

I was popping around to some of the blogs I like to look at and found Kristin had posted this. It was just as I was trying to figure out how to proceed with some of my art journaling, so I decided to go to the Saturday Morning Vintage etsy store and see what they had. Turns out there was a "travel" item sale, so I got some of that and a bunch more. I ordered on Monday and the items arrived, neatly wrapped in a package, yesterday. I'm so excited! Thanks to Kristin for making the packages look so attractive on her blog - that's what made me want to go there in the first place!

Here are a few photos of my treasures:

 

I am trying to make sure I don't get attached to them in form - their packaging, their shape, their current form is only temporary.  I know it sounds stupid, but sometimes I have this thing in my head that doesn't want to change things - like cut something or alter it. I don't know why. So, I am working with these new pieces of ephemera so that I can work on my little bit of OCD.  These were MADE to be used in collage. That's what they are for. If I didn't do it, someone else would have.  

 I think this is ultimately one of the reasons that collage is so fascinating to me - partially because my brain is like a giant collage, but the other part is the reuse of familiar items to recycle and retain them but in a beautiful and new way.

 It would not necessarily occur to me to use these bits of paper and bits of books and magazines and maps for collage.  I love that it occurred to someone.

 The other thing I'm excited about is to have other images - not just from magazines. I love some of the colors and photos I'm finding in some magazines, but sometimes, I think if I have to cut out another Cover Girl makeup ad, I will scream. I'm trying to break out, but it isn't easy for me to do and especially with limited resources. This will help.

 Next up is scanning photos. I have to figure that out. It has been bothering me. I want to scan in family slides and old photos and I have to figure out the equipment for it. I think I need a more updated computer to be compatible with the slide scanner that I have. Baby steps.

 I love the maps below. I got excited to know they were including a map of Germany. I wish I had photos and things from our time there, but they were mostly stolen. We have a few things, but not many.

Quite a find, huh?  Now I am looking for some items that are more East Indian and Asian. I think a trip to Uwajamya (I may be spelling it wrong).  I am intrigued by other cultures and their use of color. The oranges and reds and yellows are so rich. I want to incorporate that kind of color into my collages.

 So, wish me luck. This is going to be a whole turning point for me in my collage, I suspect. I'm trying new stuff. Very exciting. And fun. Something for me to look forward to when things are tough elsewhere.

Ants in My Pants

I felt like a little kid squirming to get to recess all day. I don't know why - some days are like that. I woke up early (no freaky dreams though...day off...coincidence? I think not) and just as I was drifting back to sleep again, my AIM went off from work. Had to deal with that for a time and by the time I was done, I was awake. Watched a little "Create TV" on PBS - honoring Oktoberfest. Worked on the computer, did some Art Journaling. Did some cleaning. Watched "Back to the Future" and tried to watch "Back to the Future II" but it was too much for me. I played solitaire and listened to music. It made me happy. I listened to Tanya Tucker's Greatest Hits from the 1970s and sang at the top of my lungs. Now, it is almost time for bed. Hopefully, I won't have ants in my pants tomorrow. I prefer to settle into something. I have some stuff on my mind, so I know that really impacted me today. I know it will clear up soon enough and I will feel more normal.

Tomorrow is gear up day - getting ready to go back to work. I hate feeling like I have to "gear up" for work. Usually, I'm ready to go back. Days off are good, but I like having some purpose to my days, for sure. Just some rough times. It's like that in the fall sometimes.

Not Spewing

I was playing spider solitaire today and heard a Delta commercial and the quote, "The thing you push against is the thing that lifts you up."  It sort of rang in my ears and I have to think about it some more. There is meaning there for me.

Today, I couldn't think of a good Facebook status and I mentioned that. One of my friends told me I should just spew forth. Sadly, as much as I would like to, I can't. But I can say that today, it was certainly tempting. I was on PTO but spend much of the day putting out fires. I don't think I should have to work when I'm on PTO, but it happens every time. Frustrating.

I'm not going to say any more about any of this because it took me a lot of time and energy and effort and a lot of Solitaire games to intervene in the mind-spinning that was going on today. Now, I'm feeling a little more serene and I have the weekend to regroup. That's comforting.

And can we stop talking about the acid-throwing in Vancouver now? I'm tired of hearing about it.

Signing off grumpily.

I Am a Writer

Read about owning your dreams here.

I write, therefore I am a writer.

 I was glad that the pink one was one I could claim. I AM creative.

I like being a life artist. My life as art. Kind of cool. Art is all around and takes many forms. I can own that I am a life artist, too.

I'm not so ready to say I'm an artist. I'm  working on it. I know it sounds weird, but this one I'm not ready to claim.

Dreaming is Getting WEIRD

I'm throwing this down because it was weird and I don't want to forget the dream and I often do when I don't write it down.

I dreamed that one of the students I had interpreted for was in a video and I sent it down to her. She decided to come visit and discuss but brought some of her friends who turned out to be pretty scary. I shook hands with them (weird - I hate shaking hands) and we were in this restaurant where we were downstairs (like restaurants in New York) and there was an upstairs entry and obviously stairs. I was wearing a blue button-down shirt over another shirt. We sat down at this table to eat and then something happened. I started talking to this woman and she asked me if she could have my shirt. I said yes and as I started to unbutton the blue shirt, I pulled one of the buttons off by accident.

I said something odd like, "I just popped off my button. You can have it. I mean, you can have the shirt still but we'll have to find a way to get the button back on." We left the restaurant and entered another shop which had dressing rooms lining the walls of the store. There was fabric and jewelry and other "fabric store" stuff EVERYWHERE, plus clothes everywhere - hanging from the walls, the doors, the ceiling, on racks. The changing rooms reminded me of what you see in videos of India - practically on top of each other - every inch of wall was covered and people everywhere popping in and out of them. I started to feel claustrophobic in the store and went to the counter to see if they just had a needle so I could sew the button on. My friend, Kevin (yes, you) was behind the counter and led me into another part of the store and gave me a needle to sew the button back on.

The new area of the store turned into a Thai restaurant and Kevin (yes, you) was one of the chefs. I was standing in the restaurant (there were no chairs) and Kevin was cooking something when the lady from the sewing store came over and was looking through the slats in the windows to see if someone was there. She looked a little bit like one of the women who works in a restaurant that I eat at occasionally. Kevin brought over my food and assured me that there would be no trouble and went to talk to the lady who was pointing and gesturing in my general direction. I was surrounded by bodyguard looking people. I went to pick up the Thai food (it was curry) on a square metal plate (almost like prison or camping plates) and there were three ants on the plate crawling around. I had to get them off (if you don't know about my multicolored ant dreams, I will save it for another day). I was trying not to offend anyone but I don't like ants so I was trying to get them off without spilling the Thai food. I was chattering to my friend, Kevin, and surreptitiously trying to get the ants off.  When I got them off, we were suddenly transferred to a construction site wearing hard hats and my blue shirt was gone and I was just wearing regular clothes. My friend Kevin walked up to me and I said to him, "Wow, you sure have a lot of jobs..." and then I woke up.

Weird.

Tiny Celebration

I think I will be taking a class on altered books at "Art on a Lark" in Hillsboro on Thursday in celebration of the fact that I have Friday off and that I made it through the week. Another challenging one, but I feel that I am confronting it head-on which feels much better than last week when I felt like I was getting my ass kicked.

One thing that I'm excited about (and probably already talked about in a previous post) is that they have an open studio. I want to go see what it is like and see if I want to pay for a regular membership - then I get discounts on their merchandise and can use the Open Studio any old time.  Might be fun.

Now, fingers crossed that I can make Thursday work. I know that even though I am reluctant to commit, once I get there, I will be glad I did.