I'm overcommitted to my own personal growth and development. I've been doing my telecourse, am interested in going through "The Artist's Way" with a blog group (any from the Wreck this Journal journey), finishing Wrecking and will be joining the "Joy Diet" group in September.
All of this is an attempt (it is working) to grow and en-joy my life more. I am loving it, but I am in that stage where all I want to do is all the stuff that makes me feel good -writing, art, painting, wrecking, reading.
Obviously, I maintain my work in the world, but it is a difficult choice most days. For the most part, I enjoy what I do and the people I work with. But something is missing for me on a deep, creative level. Interpreting satisfied that level of need, creativity and connection. Managing is not the same thing. It is less intellectual and more emotional, it is less creative and more rote. The more numbers and columns of numbers and rote tasks I perform, the more I long for something that taps into my thinking brain.
So, I am overcommitted to change. Not that I need to be fixed, but that I am looking for a path that has more variety and musicality and color. I just have to figure out the balance. It seems like the more I discover myself, the more intense the work in the world gets. Does it feel itself becoming second priority? Does it know and therefore it is trying to defend itself against my exploration?
Am I just tired and rambling? Perhaps. Doesn't mean it doesn't have some merit.