Leap Day 2012

We had a "Leaping Lizards - It's Leap Year" potlucky food thing to celebrate Leap Year this year.  Tonight was a get-together with my high school drama friends to celebrate the birthday of Frederic from "Pirates of Penzance" (we did the show in 1984 and one of my friends played Frederic).

So, I had a VIP at work which interrupted my plans for the potlucky thing - I'm not a good multi-tasker... It was a busy and long day and at the end of the day (when I should have been at the get-together), I realized I hadn't had anything to eat or drink since about 7:30am...then I drove to a strange place, my headlight is out, it was raining/snowing and then there was a construction sign over the street sign I was looking for. I  realized I had gone to far when I saw the sign that said, "Now leaving Milwaukie", so I turned around, went to a lighted location to read my mapquest directions. No, I do not have GPS. And my cell phone battery was dead. I turned back and it started to spit snow...as I finally found the place (an hour and a half late), I drove by and didn't see any cars I recognized and the lights were really dim. Paranoid, I think, "What if they cancelled because of the weather or a sick kid or??? I won't know because my cell phone battery is dead and I don't have Facebook on it anyway, which is where the invitation was in the first place. And if the weather gets worse, what if I get stuck? Run out of gas? Have a flat tire?  No one will be able to find me.  I won't have any way to call for help..."  On it went. I couldn't walk up to the door and have them say, "Didn't you get the cancellation?" I just couldn't.

After I got home, ate some dinner, relaxed for a few minutes, I realized that food and water are important parts of the day for a reason.  And a reminder: Always charge your cell phone the night before you go to an unknown location. Duh.

I know all of this. I just forgot. My brain hurts today, but at least I figured it out. More of the same tomorrow so I am loading up on a power bar or two in my purse, a good breakfast set up and I'll be good to go. :)

Here's a little bit from "Pirates" that explains the storyline and Leap Year:

Creaking in the Cold

I have woken up stiff the last couple of days and today it just never quite let go of me. It is late and I'm getting ready to go to bed, but I'm still creaking around after the whole day. I hate that. I think it is the cold weather...

And they say it may snow overnight. Yikes!

For now, I'm off to read a chapter in "The Hunger Games" before sleep.

Sleeping Patterns

I am working to change my sleeping patterns. I have been a bit off since I had all that time off. The best sleep of the night right now is around 7:00am, which is about the time I should get up every day.  I am working my way backwards now.  Winter is always tough because I love being snuggled under the warm blankets at that time of day.

I don't know if most people do this but once I change a sleep pattern - even by accident - for a couple of days, it takes some time to move out of it. If I wake up at 3:30am two nights in a row, it will last for two weeks. If I wake up late a couple of days, it keeps happening until I can back it up.  Usually, it requires one night of just not getting enough sleep so that I will be tired enough to go to bed early and reset everything.

The Academy Awards 2012

Unfortunately, I have only seen "The Help" this year. Not knowing any of the films makes the awards show a little less exciting.  The Academy Awards haven't been the same for me since the year of "There Will Be Blood" and "No Country for Old Men" or whatever it was called. That is the only Oscar broadcast I can remember not watching AT ALL.

Now I tape it and try to do other things when I get bored.  I did lots of other "stuff" tonight. I should have just read something or worked on my script, but I didn't. I poked around on the internet and did some work stuff.

Leap Year

I didn't realize it was Leap Year until recently. I think we need to celebrate an extra day in the year with cake.  I might even make one myself...

Friday! Bliss List!

With special thanks to Liv Lane, I am participating in her Little Bliss List project again this Friday.  I love taking some time to focus on all the good and sweet things in life - I don't always take the time without a nudge.

1. I love color.  It has always been really important to me, even when I was really young.  I have been enjoying the colors of my life and finding ways to bring more color into it.  I'm waiting for my new necklace to arrive - there will be photos!  It is fantastic!

2.  I love this blog - 3X3X365 - it is really special. Every day, something beautiful is created.

3.  This week, I am grateful for Brene Brown.  Her videos have been a touchstone this week. I'm not sure what set me on this path - I've been a fan for a while, have read her blog for a while. Suddenly, though, something deeper resonated and I am now reading her book, "The Gifts of Imperfection".  I haven't gotten far, but I'm reading it.

4.  I was watching the first disc of the last season of "Friends" this week and Phoebe is so funny in these episodes.  I love "Friends". It is one of those timeless shows for me - it doesn't age, the jokes are still funny over time. Love it!

5.  This morning was beautiful and sunny. I had to pull out a pair of sunglasses!  I loved driving to work today in the sun.  It rained later in the day, but what a wonderful start to the day.

Simple joys, yes, but it is the little things in life that make everything so beautiful.

What I'm Rehearsing Now...

Defying Gravity - performance from The 2004 Tony Awards show

It's Like Christmas in the Mail

This past weekend, I got a bunch of art supplies in the mail, I ordered a necklace from Etsy and I went onto Amazon.com and bought some books and the DVD of the 25th Anniversary of the stage production of "Phantom of the Opera".  It isn't my favorite show, but I like to support musical theatre offerings that are put onto DVD.

The package I got today was a stack of books. I'm actually kind of excited to read them even though they are certainly not fiction or "fun" books.  I've been struggling with doing art and lots of other things and I know that one of the barriers is my own perfectionism that really stops me in my tracks.  After seeing Brene Brown's TED talk on Vulnerability:



Or this one:



and after taking some of my classes this year and after signing up for "30 Days of Courage" in March, I felt something moving in me to explore perfectionism, vulnerability.  The books I ordered are "The Gifts of Imperfection" and "I Thought it Was Just Me: Telling the Truth about Perfectionism, Inadequacy and Power" by Brene Brown and "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie.  It feels scary to open up some of those doors, but I feel like I need to do that.  And it is kind of exciting at the same time - like I'm finding pieces of myself and putting them back in the right place.

I will try to post some pictures of the art supplies this weekend. We'll see if I can get the pictures to work for me.

Choosing Empathy

Some Letter Love :)

I am woefully behind in my lettering class. I think it is perfectionism rearing its ugly head again. I'm going to dive in this week and see what I can do. Mistakes are fine. The process is what is important. (I figure if I say it enough, I will start to believe it. I don't understand why I allow this for other people and not myself.)

New Supplies and No Art

I have been getting some new art supplies so that I can keep up in my Letter Love 101 class. I haven't broken into them just yet and I'm hoping to take some pictures of all the stuff, but I haven't done that, either.

Had to go in to work today and I didn't really finish anything that I needed to finish. I'm kind of bummed about that - I don't really want to work on my holiday, but since payroll is due on Tuesday, I will have to finish up tomorrow.

It was probably good for me to get out of the house, but I was kind of grumpy about it.

Visit My Pinterest Boards

Click here if you want to visit my boards.

Okay, so basically, I didn't do much of anything today except pin stuff on my boards, check my email and watch "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II".  I wore sweats all day and loved every minute. I had a few minutes of guilt about not doing something useful or catching up in my classes, but then I decided that it was just fine and enjoyed some down time.

Back to Real Life

Now that I am done rehearsing for this show, I'm on to the next one - "Wicked". We perform on March 15 and March 31. I can't wait - I love the show, but it is quite difficult.

In the meantime (before we have started rehearsing), I'm going to be getting back to my BBTL class (the sixth week just rolled up - I will be catching up in the next few weeks).  Luckily, the Facebook group is going to stay up so that we can continue to connect with our cohort. I'm excited about that - a nice way to stay connected.  I'm sad to have the class be over, but I know I will keep using the information I am learning.

So in the spirit of my BBTL class, I'm posting a Bliss List.

Every Friday, the Little Bliss List provides a chance for us to celebrate the little things that brought us hope and happiness this week. I do believe when we focus on the sweet stuff of life, the sweet stuff multiplies. And by sharing those small gifts in our lives, we help others notice the gifts in theirs. (From Liv Lane's Bliss List post)


1.  Thanks to Liv Lane and all the BBTL classmates! I have loved the experience even though I have fallen behind. There is much for me to learn and many blogs to visit, but I haven't given up - just restructured my time so that I can get the full benefit of the class and the group.

2.  I love the musical Wicked!  My favorite songs change all the time, but I particularly love "What is this Feeling?" and "Popular".  Two other favorites are "Defying Gravity" and "For Good".  Oh! and "I'm Not that Girl".  See, my favorites change all the time.

3.  I'm loving my Letter Love 101 class with Joanne Sharpe.  I have been getting new art supplies to help me work on the class and I  LOVE IT!! (I tried to upload a badge here, but for some reason, I'm still struggling with Blogger and uploading photos. It is hit or miss right now.)

4.  I love books. No reason for saying that today - I just have been thinking about books lately and how much I love to read. Still trying to figure out how to carve out more regular time for myself to read.

5.  Still love Pinterest. It is a visual delight for me.  Since I can't manage the photo here that I want, here's a link to my boards.

6.  I have been zoning out playing Zuma Deluxe this week when I was feeling super-stressed out. Love mindless games for just such purposes.

7.  Love all the things that are coming in my life - Verb Tribe (mine starts in April), 30 Days of Courage...I'm thinking about maybe doing another art journal (self-paced) class. I feel like I'm changing inside. It isn't something people can see, it is something I feel. Something for me.

8. I ordered a book by Brene Brown today. I can't wait to read it. It is about perfectionism.  Her work on shame, guilt, authenticity, pefectionism...well, it really should be all I read and do. I feel as if she knows me. Scary but also freeing to know that many people experience these things in tandem. There is hope. I love that.

Man, oh, man.  I'm all blissed! I really do lead a pretty blessed life.  Thanks for playing a part in that!

Earning My Keep

The show went very well tonight, considering all factors.  I was not feeling emotionally there, so I really had to work for it.  We had a big audience for the interpreted performance of "Disney's Beauty and the Beast" - several Deaf or Hard of Hearing audience members, lots of interpreting students and even a person who asked for me by name at intermission.

I know that it seems odd that I would say what I'm about to say given that I regularly interpret in front of 3,000 people, but it is true - I get REALLY nervous when there are people I know in the audience. It took me a little while to settle down tonight.

Another interesting idea is creeping into my consciousness and I am working to process it:  I have been feeling bored with my translations - feeling like they are stale. So I am working on upping my game - trying to think of some ways to make a change, spice things up.  At the same time, I realized that part of this, for lack of a better word, stagnation, is part of being familiar with a genre. There are very few surprises in musical theater for me - I consider myself fairly experienced in the genre.  What I mean to say is that while I have some insight into the build of a Broadway musical in terms of story, rising action, formula, denoument, etc., it doesn't mean that the audience is feeling the same sense of sameness. They have purchased a ticket and are there to enjoy the love story. Just because I want another way to talk about falling in love in American Sign Language doesn't mean that what I've come up with is boring. It might not be brilliant, but not every song in a show is brilliant, either. In translation, sometimes a song that is brilliant in the "hearing" world isn't as inspiring to a Deaf audience member, but another song/scene might be more so due to the visual nature of what is being presented.

Anyway, I'm all hopped up on adrenaline, so I will leave it at that. I felt like I worked hard to get myself to the right place, emotionally. It felt good to know that even if I wasn't feeling 100%, I could still get out there and do what I needed to do. Not brilliantly, but hopefully, the audience enjoyed the show.

Working on the show

Here is a photo I took with my new camera this summer. I have been slowly adding new programs to the new computer (had to replace the old one), so it took some time to get my new camera hooked up and edit the photos. I haven't done much, but I liked this one.

Streetlights at Cathedral Park in Portland.

I thought I would be all brilliant and buy a camera that can do more - unfortunately, it means that it is more complicated and I am intimidated by it all. I have to just buckle down and practice so that I can start to feel more comfortable. This photo was from the first afternoon I had it and I was lucky to keep it steady at all. Not bad for a first attempt.

Valentine's Day and the show

I'm not a big Valentine's Day celebrator - I never really enjoyed it, even when I was a kid. There was some inherent meanness in the Valentine's card packs - always one or two cards I didn't want to give because they seemed to imply something I didn't want to say and I was always afraid I would GET one of them.  I am also of an age that experienced both the Valentine's Day celebrations when you didn't HAVE to give everyone in class a card. As the kid who moved into town in December most of the time, I never knew how it would all play out. I think it actually went fine, but the fear of badness stayed with me.

Anyway, it isn't a holiday I relate to. This year, I didn't really have to.  At work, I sort of knew that someone would bring something to celebrate the day so I decided that I would save my contribution for a day when people least expect it - spread the wealth.  After work, I went to see "Beauty and the Beast".  Good voices, some low production quality, same story we've seen before.  I think the hardest part is that it is right before "Wicked", so I'm chomping at the bit to get on to the next show. I shouldn't do that - I should try to enjoy where I'm at instead of looking ahead.

My Tribe

I got to hang with people from my tribe over the weekend. It was good. There is nothing like sinking into the company of people who know your stories and have seen you at your best and worst and love you despite everything.

Whitney, Fame and Being Authentic

I was saddened, though not surprised, to hear of Whitney Houston's death yesterday. Considering some of her life choices, it is not a shocking outcome, but no less tragic than anyone else's death.

I feel a little like the Grinch whose heart was two sizes too small saying this but I wanted to speak my piece about this.

I find it strange that people rushed the music stores to purchase Whitney Houston's music - much like they did with Michael Jackson.  While they were alive, many "fans" treated them like they were pariahs. Then suddenly, when they die, everyone has to rush to shower their memory with love, bring flowers and gush incessantly about how much the person was "their favorite" or "like a sister" or "my hero" or whatever other adjective you want to add.

I don't understand that kind of fickleness.  I liked Whitney Houston's voice (and Michael Jackson's in his "Thriller" days), but I have the music of theirs that I liked.  If one of my favorite singers died, I would already have all of their music - because they are my favorite. It just seems so odd that we don't recognize what we have when we have it.

If I love a person's music, art, writing, presence, I want them to know it (in whatever way I can show) while they are still alive. I want to support them in their life.  Imagine if, when Whitney was making her comeback a couple of years ago, everyone had run out to purchase her new album without even hearing it - just because they wanted to support her coming back.  Maybe, that kind of support, at that time in her life, would have led her down a different path.

I'm not blaming people for her death - I'm just wondering if there is a way to turn this kind of thing around. I would love it if the next troubled star we see gets love and support while they are alive and can use it. Maybe if we stop buying "The Enquirer" and "Us" magazine and spend our money on their product, not the unseemly parts of their lives, being famous might be a tad bit easier. I don't know.  Just thinking about all of this.

Think Like a Photographer

I have been taking my newer camera everywhere I go, but I don't remember to ACTUALLY USE IT.  Oy.  I think it is because I always feel really conspicuous with a camera and particularly with this one. My other camera is just enough smaller that I feel more like I can slip it in and out (and I'm more confident in its use - like blocking the flash).

I need to learn how to think like a photographer and just take more pictures.  I know that I just have to practice to get better and I have such good intentions, but I just haven't figured it out yet.

I'm hoping that spring will inspire me to take the camera out and just work with it.

TGIF! And Bliss List

It has been a long strange week and I'm so far behind in *everything*!  But I wanted to take some time to remember all the things that bring me joy and link up to Liv Lane's Bliss List this week.  I love finding/creating ways to look on the bright side of life, especially when the week has been a challenge.

Here's what Liv says about the Bliss List:
Every Friday, the Little Bliss List provides a chance for us to celebrate the little things that brought us hope and happiness this week. I do believe when we focus on the sweet stuff of life, the sweet stuff multiplies. And by sharing those small gifts in our lives, we help others notice the gifts in theirs. 

1. Last Saturday, we had our "Beginning of the Year" work party.  The end of the year is filled with holidays and bad weather and people are always upset if we have the holiday party when they are busy. I decided that this year was a good year to have the party in January when things are a little slower.  I couldn't close the office until Feb. 4, so that's when I had the party. We had it at Bullwinkle's Family Fun Center (a little like Chuck E. Cheese on crack) - huge with TONS to do and totally out of my comfort zone.  But what I loved about it was seeing all the families and employees come and enjoy themselves and each other.  I was really glad I did it.  (Blogger won't download the photo...I will keep trying)


2.  I overbooked myself for January and February in terms of taking classes that really require me to dig deep, do a lot of practice and reading, etc.  I love that I am now mature enough to give myself a little bit of a break and make some decisions about priorities and not beat myself up about it. Now that's progress!  (I'm still working through them all - just giving myself some additional time!)

3.  Buffy the Vampire Slayer!

4.  Pinterest!  Unfortunately, I have been reading that people are upset about Pinterest and that they earn money from sales when linked with partners. I'm not really surprised because all social media sites exist to make money, but I wish they were more upfront about it.  Still, I love my boards and I'm happy when I go to the site.  I tried to upload a photo of my boards, but for some reason, I have been having problems with Blogger uploading photos. Not sure what that's about.  If you click on the link above, it will take you to my boards (if you are interested).  I just like how they look. The colors and the blend of images is cool.

I know there is so much to be blissful about, so much to be grateful for in my life. These are just some highlights of the week. :)

The Anonymity of the Web

A friend of mine published an online article recently - it was professional in nature and thoroughly thought out, but imperfectly executed. I feel I can say that because *most* endeavors are imperfectly executed. I freely own my mistakes, as much as I hate to do that.  This person was making a sincere effort to open up a dialogue and to bring some thoughts to light that have needed to come to the forefront of our consciousness for some time now.

Unfortunately, people were determined to tear this article and this person down.  Some people who commented were on-topic, but there were many comments that were about the execution of the article, grammatical corrections, spell-checks and some attacks that really cut to the person's core.

It really has made me think about what I will say and comment on in the future. Our words have such power.  Known person or unknown person - we are all trying to find acceptance, to find our tribe.  When our own tribe attacks, it hurts. A lot. 
Over the last couple of days,  I have come to two conclusions:

1.  Marianne Williamson said in her lectures, "Two things bring out the darkness in other people - your darkness and your light" (I'm really paraphrasing, but you get the gist).

2. Even with our names on comments, it is so easy to feel invisible, anonymous and powerful when we comment on other people from afar. 

What I came to after thinking about that is that I am so grateful for the kind and thoughtful comments I receive here. Thank you.  Always, Thank you. 

Back to Buffy

Hi Friends!

Apparently, I needed to come to a complete halt this week. I'm working on a show in addition to the classes, work, etc., so I think my brain just needed a little down time.  You can translate this to:  I watched a couple of episodes of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" from the first season tonight.

I know it may seem weird that an adult loves this show so much, but I do.  I would love to take a pop-culture class on the writings of Joss Whedon or on The Buffyverse.  I have read that such things exist. What fun to take a class to analyze one of my favorite television shows.

I can relate to Buffy's perfectionism, her internal war to be herself and her overdeveloped sense of responsibility. Obviously, there are no demons or vampires in my world, but there are certainly mountains to climb in terms of growth, learning to take risks and knowing when to let go of something.

Anyway, I'm hoping that I will be back with the program tomorrow. That's the goal.

Thanks to all of you who have stopped by and especially those who have left kind words for me. I really appreciate it!

Reset Plan

I decided that February 1 was the real beginning of 2012 and did a RESET day at work. I have gotten some good feedback from folks - some seem to be liking it. Just giving us all a clean slate and an opportunity to work together to create something new and better (not that there was anything wrong - just an opportunity for choosing again).

Now I just have to live up to my end of the bargain.  I'm starting out pretty strong, so that's good.  2012 is a good year. I can just feel it in my bones.  Even if some hard things happen, it will be a year full of goodness and learning and growth.  I love that.

Still behind on everything, but that's okay. I will get there.

Nothing to See Here Today

Today was a day filled with the regular, mundane tasks.  I was tired and just needed to focus on what was right in front of me. I wanted to do more and learn and practice today, but I just didn't have it in me.

Tomorrow is another day.

Slow Processing

We did a "brave blog post" this week in my How to Build a Blog You Truly Love course with Liv Lane this week and it kind of stopped me in my tracks a little.  I loved bouncing around and reading the posts of the other participants and seeing how much we all, as humans, have in common that we just don't see or discuss in our day-to-day lives.  I was also thinking about how I want to really wring every drop of benefit from the courses I am taking and yet I am a slow processor.

Daily exercises that require deep thought or consideration are sometimes more than I can juggle in a day. I like to think about things a little bit before I act on them - explore the options, get ideas from others, see if I am really understanding what is being asked of me.  I don't think it is a bad thing, but it is a struggle not to feel nervous that we are starting week five of a six week course and I'm so behind. I know I will be able to continue to benefit from all of the course work for a long time, but the community of people is so wonderful - I want to benefit from their wisdom, as well.

Just not enough hours in the day, I guess.  I will work it out - just thinking about this today.

I'm in the April VerbTribe!!

http://www.37days.com/verbtribe

I did one of the scariest things possible today...I signed up for Patti Digh's VerbTribe (the link goes to the description and an old registration - the new class starts April 4,  2012).

Writing is a thread that has been woven through my whole life and I want so much to continue to improve and grow and write from my heart.  This will be a way to make that happen.  And my knees are practically knocking!

The good news is that I saw the original course which was happening now and I thought about all the things I had already committed to - A Year With Myself, How To Build a Blog You Truly Love, Letter Love 101, the 37Days Book Group...I knew there was NO WAY that I could participate in VerbTribe the way I wanted to, so even though I didn't know if Patti would offer it again, I decided to be smart and wait.  I'm so glad I did!  Good things come to those who wait!  And in April, I only have A Year with Myself still going. The other classes will be done (at least formally), so I can really participate the way I want to.  I don't even have a show that month, so I know this is the right time for me.

Yay!

Bliss List Link-Up

Liv Lane is the instructor of the fantastic class - How to Build a Blog You Truly Love and she has also started hosting a "Bliss List" link up.  So nice to end the week focusing on some of the good things in life. After being brave and trying to stay up on all the AMAZING classes and projects I am working on, I definitely needed to look at the bright side of things to end my week.

1.  Loving all the classes I am taking!  A Year with Myself is on the back burner as I have the entire year to do it - I think I will go back to the beginning at the end of February so that I can really sink into the experience.  BBTL and the Letter Love 101 classes are going GREAT!

2.  I planned a big party for work and it is tomorrow night!  Not everyone is excited about it, but I am. I think it will be fun and it was a big item on my To Do list. Check!

3.  The weather here is beautiful and sunny.  It's a little chilly but the skies are clear and lovely.

4.  It is FRIDAY!!! Wahoo!

5.  I actually got my Letter Love 101 Journal done and am working in it. I don't have enough pens, so I'm going to go shopping tomorrow for pens, but I'm STOKED!!

My first letter journal!

Practice makes perfect, I hope!

**I FORGOT the MOST important piece of BLISS this week!!

6.  All your kind comments this week and the visits from folks from all around the world.  Thank you so much for stopping by, for commenting, for supporting, especially when I was feeling exposed in our BBT Brave Blog Posts.  I was really moved by the support you provided.  It means the world!  I'm so blessed.

Sometimes, Folks Need to Read the Signs

So, I was rolling along, having a nice day and a perfectly innocent comment spiraled me into a very bad mood. I even said, "Wow. That's really upsetting and now, I'm feeling kind of irritated."  I thought that was kind of self-aware and good, but it wasn't enough to encourage the person to stop telling me stuff. I kept saying, "Wow. This really isn't getting any better."  I was trying to turn it around myself, but I also needed the person to be aware that maybe they could stop fueling the fire a bit.

Next time, I will be more clear.  As it was, I had to send the person an apology. I will talk to them in person tomorrow and make sure all is well.

Sometimes, I do it right; sometimes, I don't.  Today was one of those days. Tomorrow will be better.

Letter Loving It Already!

I am taking a class called Letter Love 101 from Joanne Sharpe online.  I know - like I don't already have enough to do! The class started today.  I think it is going to be a great balancer between the introspection of the How to Build a Blog You Truly Love class and exploring lettering and doing things in an art journal.  I have not been active in my art journaling for a little while and I really crave the tangible nature of making something.

Tonight, I prepped my journal and watched the videos for class. I am stoked and ready for the practice sessions that start tomorrow.

To visitors from the BBTL group and everyone else who stops by - Thank you!   Your comments and your visits mean a lot.  It is good to have my voice out there - scary as it is sometimes, I am so glad to be part of the blogosphere.