Starting "Quiet"

I started reading "Quiet" by Susan Cain for my 37Days Book Group.  I'm really excited to read this book. I'm anxious to learn about the people who are between the Quiet ones and the ones who kind of rule the world (the extroverts).  I think there is something called an omnivert - a person who is somewhere between. I am a talker (auditory processor) but it takes emotional energy for me to be around others for long periods of time. I definitely need some down time and time to breathe and be alone.  I think this will be a fascinating journey.

AND, I'm excited to be reading more.  (Also reading "The Hunger Games" when not rehearsing the show.)

I will try to keep you updated.

I'm in the April VerbTribe!!

http://www.37days.com/verbtribe

I did one of the scariest things possible today...I signed up for Patti Digh's VerbTribe (the link goes to the description and an old registration - the new class starts April 4,  2012).

Writing is a thread that has been woven through my whole life and I want so much to continue to improve and grow and write from my heart.  This will be a way to make that happen.  And my knees are practically knocking!

The good news is that I saw the original course which was happening now and I thought about all the things I had already committed to - A Year With Myself, How To Build a Blog You Truly Love, Letter Love 101, the 37Days Book Group...I knew there was NO WAY that I could participate in VerbTribe the way I wanted to, so even though I didn't know if Patti would offer it again, I decided to be smart and wait.  I'm so glad I did!  Good things come to those who wait!  And in April, I only have A Year with Myself still going. The other classes will be done (at least formally), so I can really participate the way I want to.  I don't even have a show that month, so I know this is the right time for me.

Yay!

Diving in Headfirst 2012

On Feb. 1, 2012, I will have a book group meeting and start a new class - Letter Love 101 with Joanne Sharpe. I'm excited and overwhelmed at the same time.  Too many things, too fast, in some ways.

At the same time, though, it feels really good to do things that feed the other parts of me - the creative, the thinker, the writer.  I'm still marinating on it all - I think I just have to do it!  Tomorrow is a blog-hop with the How to Build a Blog You Truly Love group, so I know I will write something that I can share with the participants there. I don't know why I'm so reluctant to go out on a limb right now. I think I just have to keep inching out, baby step by baby step.  I feel good about what I'm doing and I know it will all pay off in the end. I just want to be there NOW!  (I know, I know. Patience. Let it happen.) I really do value the journey. I'm just feeling squirmy about it all.

Change is Hard, Not Impossible

A lot of people get impatient with the pace of change. - James Levine



I always have these imaginings that when I decide to do something or change something, it happens quickly and smoothly.  I'm usually (almost always) wrong. This time is no exception, but I'm not feeling down about it. Just trying to figure it out.

I think that is a sign of maturity (I hope).  Usually, if I lose patience or get frustrated, I use it as an excuse to give up or change my mind (read: back away in fear).  This time, as I realize that I have things to do for myself and things that I have committed to others, instead of letting others trump self, I'm figuring out what I need to do for both.

I want/imainge myself to be a person who isn't governed by structure and rules. I had a boss who said, "You should work on the handbook because you are a black and white person."  I was really offended and kind of hurt, but later I realized that there is truth to that. I see the shades of gray, but only because I know where the black and white are.  I do believe in rules although I'm not adverse to bending or breaking them for the right reasons. I guess I thought that if I need structure and rules and boundaries it meant that I wasn't fun or funny or friendly or flexible.  My head believes that none of those things are true. My heart still doesn't buy that it is okay to have both.  (I think this is a little bit of Roby legacy.)

I don't really like surprises anymore - I've had enough unpleasant ones to last me a lifetime, so I guess it makes sense that I like to have some predictability in my life. I think that some level of predictability is underrated.  If you have a base of predictable behavior, predictable outcomes, it is easier to roll with the punches that you CAN'T control.  Does that make sense?

Anyway, I have a lot going on with all the classes and work and the blog and art journaling and my book group and a play I'm working on, and and and...  But I'm feeling good. I'm a little behind everywhere, but I haven't given up.  I'm structuring in time to work on each thing and will continue to do that as I move forward.

I can't wait to see where this leads!

Lazy Day, Project Day

I spent the day online - I checked my work email, facebook, watched videos from an art journaling course I'm taking, organized some photos, did some pinning on Pinterest.  It was a good day.  I also started working on my art journal from the course I watched.  My biggest problem is waiting for the paint to dry all the way. I hate waiting.

It was a rare, lazy, guilt-free day of looking forward, planning for the next couple of months. I have more shows coming up so I have to clear spots to work on them, plus I have several online courses I signed up for coming up and 2 that I delayed starting until the show was done. I also need to start reading my book for the 37Days Book Group - I have it on my Kindle, but I wasn't ready to start it today. I will do it tomorrow.

Tomorrow I have plans to see some old friends for an evening of fun and games. Seems an odd juxtaposition in light of the anniversary I will observe on Sunday. Life is funny, sometimes. But I know Roby would be happy to know that I was still having fun with my friends and remembering him every step of the way.

I'm Already Behind??

I had a good time with my out-of-town visitor and now, I'm getting ready to go back to work tomorrow.  I wish I had a few days off that were just for me, but I wasn't able to do that this time.  There was shopping and Christmas and prepping for a visitor and being with a visitor. None of those things are bad, but I sort of need a vacation from my vacation.  I will have another 4 day weekend this weekend, but it is full up, too.  I have the show on Thursday, nothing on Friday, party on Saturday and Sunday, I hope to spend time with Roby's mom. It will be 16 years since his death and I like to remember him with his mother.

I do have "West Side Story" this Thursday, which I'm excited about. I love this show, although I haven't seen this production yet.  We go to preview it tomorrow for our work.

I'm thinking about all the exciting stuff that I'm doing this year and I can't wait to get started. I feel like I'm already behind, but I'm not. I'm just ready to get started.  I have downloaded the first 37Days Book Group book on my Kindle and I'm ready to read!

Tis the Season to Be Jolly...Fa La la la la.

Well, another Christmas come and gone. What a relief.

I tried really hard to be in the spirit, to enjoy what I could and try to let go of the other stuff. I had moderate success.  There are just so many things I don't understand about people's behavior and the choices they make.  I don't understand why we have this maniacal drive to force everyone to come together in a short span of time and pretend like everything is "JUST GREAT".  Honestly, it would be more fun and more enjoyable if we could stop pretending that everything is perfect and go for normal.

Through it all, I have decided that I should take up meditation in 2012 and work harder to make myself happy so that it doesn't matter when these little things happen.

I took some first steps that I mentioned a few posts ago. Second step taken today - I'm going to partake in the 37Days Book Club.  Patti Digh is having a special year-long "charter membership" for half price. I'm already signed up and ready to go. Join us!  I can't wait!

I hope everyone had a good holiday, stress and all. I know everyone tries hard and sometimes we have more success than others. I feel like I missed the mark in some ways this year, but I was trying.