Images from Simpler Times

I was cleaning today and I found a booklet I drew when I was in kindergarten. The teacher make the books for everyone and we drew in them. I have saved it all these years. I know most people my age are posting the books of their children, but since I don't have any, I thought I would post for my inner child. :)  I was actually pretty good for a little 5 year old.

I am particularly impressed with the sidewalk in front of the house, the jungle gym and see saw in the playground. I was visually detail-oriented when I was a child.

New Art Journal Pages

I still haven't really finished an Art Journal. I have one that is close to being ready. They just don't seem ready. I'm still struggling with my ideas of what they should look like and all that, so I'm trying to throw one together with less expectation so that i can start writing in them. I think that will actually be the thing that will allow me to feel like they are "done" - just getting them written in.

Anyway, here are some pages in process:

Remembering 9/11/2001

Today is the 9th Anniversary of the 9/11/2001 attacks. Anniversaries of this kind are strange because some of them are harder than others. Obviously, the first few years are very difficult and then after that, it depends on what is happening in the world, in our lives, that might make the memories easier or harder.  This year, probably because it is election year, the anniversary has been more politicized.  I think that is so sad because this is not a political issue - at least not the part where almost 3,000 innocent Americans were killed.  This unites us all as Americans, as human beings. Just as the Tsunami united the world. Just as the earthquake in Haiti. Just as the floods in Pakistan should be.

I remember the morning of September 11, 2001.  I woke up and the first thing I did was check my pager. There was a "news" function and I would get these little pages with summaries of world and U.S. news. My pager said that planes had flown into the World Trade Center and they thought it was a terrorist attack. I was still in bed, barely awake and I couldn't really process that. I thought maybe it was wrong. The page had come in a couple of hours before, since I'm on the West Coast.  I ran downstairs and turned on the television and thus began the horror.

For the first couple of days, everyone waited with baited breath, hoping that some survivors would be found. I think there were only 2-3 people found alive. I couldn't tear myself away from the images. I can still hear that eerie sound from the streets of New York. I could only imagine how my friends there were feeling - devastated, frightened, worried.

In the days and weeks to follow, I read every newspaper article, read the list of names of people we lost in the attacks, read their obituaries, saved them. I found the website, Here is New York: A Democracy of Photos and poured over the images. I later had the opportunity to visit the Here is New York: Soho site in 2002. It was eerie and moving and I'm so glad I did visit to honor those who died, those who witnessed.  It was an incredible experience. 9/11 was the most documented tragedy in the history of the world at that time, so Here is New York became a way for professional and amateur photographers to share and process what had happened to them. All the proceeds went to the Children's Aid fund for the children of the people lost in the attacks.

For today, I remember all those people. I remember those scary days. I remember all we have lost since 9/11. For a list of the names of all the people who perished on that terrible day, you can go here.

Here are two images that I remember so clearly from that terrible, terrible time.  I remember seeing the first photo and it really impacted me. I couldn't imagine how people in lower Manhattan must have felt to be in a world that had become suddenly gray with ash, unrecognizable. The entire landscape had changed, not only in the skyline, but on the ground for the days and weeks to come. The photo was eerie and mesmerizing at the same time. Later, it turned out that the guy on the bench was the statue in the second photo. According to the article,  the statue became a shine to the victims of 9/11.

The photos are from here.

The other indelible images were the videos of the towers falling, the video of a woman who had been running from the ash and a deli owner pulled her into their shop, just as the plume of ash caught up to them and the sight and sound of that happening. One video was of a doctor who was headed to the towers to help when the first tower collapsed. He hid by a car wheel and kept his video recorder on. Overwhelming and moving - as soon as the cloud calmed, he was up and checking with people as he found them. Scenes at the local hospitals as they waited for trauma victims who never came.  Here is a website that provides a lot of information about that day - images, explanations about why the towers fell, specs on the buildings and the planes, photos from NOAA of Ground Zero, etc.

There are so many things I remember about that terrible, terrible day. I remember realizing that we had just joined the rest of the world - we had never been that safe, we had only thought we were impervious to harm. It was a big and scary paradigm shift - one I'm not sure we have come to accept as a nation.

In memory of lives lost and of the first responders, remember 9/11 today in whatever way you can.

Dream, Dream, Dream

Okay, so I saw "Inception" last week (which is about entering dreams)and that might contribute slightly to the strange dreams I have been having lately, but they started before that.

I believe I wrote a post about a dream where I had to climb up a steep embankment and then try to squeeze through a tiny space to enter then place I was going. I have been having dreams like that regularly for the last month or so...last night, I not only had a dream about having to crawl through these tiny, dank, dark tunnels to get anywhere, but I also had a dream where I had to walk on these wooden plank-like structures everywhere. It was like two pieces of narrow wood made up all the floors and walkways and if you didn't keep your balance, you would fall down into the unknown.

These dreams are really disturbing and when I wake up, I feel distressed. I know they are processing my stress load - I have always had dreams that are pretty clear about that.

When I was in high school, I had two major stress dreams - one was of all my term papers and English papers. I used to type them and leave them on our dining room table for my mother to proofread. The dream would be like a video camera coming out of my bedroom, walking down the hall, focusing on the paper and a GIGANTIC BIC pen (black ink) was scribbling out all the pages. I mean a human-sized GIGANTIC BIC pen. The other dream was of a big monster dog with red eyes chasing me.  As my stress level increased, the dog got bigger and bigger until the last time I had the dream...

The last big dog dream, I was still driving my little yellow VW Dasher.  My friends and I were over on 185th (near the high school) and Jason of "Friday the 13th" fame was chasing us.  We jumped into the car and tried to start it. It wouldn't start and wouldn't start. Finally, as Jason was upon us, the car started and we pulled out onto 185th headed towards the high school.  Just as we were almost free and clear, the GIGANTIC black dog with RED GLOWING devil eyes jumped in front of my car and bent its head down to look into my windshield and growl.  Then I woke up.

So, I know I have a pattern of dealing with stress through my dreams, but I have to say that these constricting dreams are NOT GOOD.  They really make my heart pound and I can see in some of my real life that I am having some difficulty with crowds and crowded places. I hope I can deal with this and get rid of the darn dreams.

Better Day, Better Coping Strategies

Today was better and ended with going to a show. It was okay, but not really my thing. Nice to have something fun to do, but I wouldn't necessarily buy tickets for this show again.

Happily, I am off tomorrow, so I get to decompress with a nice 3 day weekend. I'm hoping to take a class at that new place in Hillsboro, go see "Eat, Pray, Love" which I have heard mixed reports on. Some people couldn't get through the book but loved the movie, but the folks who loved the book don't seem to think that Julia Roberts has the chops to pull it off. I have the book in one of my many book piles, but I haven't read it yet, so I figure, go see the movie and then I will be inspired to read the book either way. If I don't like the movie, I will want to know what the book is like. If I like the movie a lot, I will want to extend my experience by reading the book. It's a win-win. And then maybe I will read something. :)

Hey, there's an idea. Maybe tomorrow I will listen to my iPod and read a book. Hmmmm. That sounds really good.

Jean and the Very Bad, Horrible, Rotten, No Good, Awful Day

Starting my day out yelling on the phone with someone did not bode well. I am not a yeller. I'm loud sometimes, but I'm don't usually yell. I did today. Then a meeting about yukky stuff (insert Mr. Yuk face here). Then scheduling hell. Then a meeting I should have remembered except that I thought today was Tuesday and it was really Wednesday. Then another meeting. Then more bad stuff. Then grumpy people. Then finding out more bad stuff. And bad stuff and bad stuff. Then someone thrusting work on me without any context. Then some bad stuff. Then, I finally got to leave.

Honestly, all I really wanted for dinner was a chocolate milkshake. But I didn't want to talk to anyone or stop - even in a drive-thru. Then I thought I would treat myself and go to Borders or Barnes and NOble and buy a book. But those darn people would be inside there, too. I didn't go to the book store. Wait, let me say this again for emphasis:*I didn't go to the BOOK STORE.**  I'm pretty sure there is some club or some group of people who would rescind my membership if I actually said those words aloud to them. This is completely NOT NORMAL for me.  After nearly being killed by all the drivers in Oregon and Washington who apparently have never seen rain before, I decided to just get home.

When I was able to think clearly and stop thinking about how I wanted to quit my job and go live in a commune or something, I realized that I have a day/week like this EVERY YEAR in September/October.  It just happens. I don't know why. I hate it, but at least I know it happens every year, like clockwork. And it made me realize that if my boss is still here in October, I will owe him a dinner.  He will be the first boss I have had in a long time who stayed longer than a few months.

So, at the very end of the day, I ended up with a milkshake anyway, because I needed it. Thus ends the very bad, horrible, rotten, no good, awful day. 

Rant about 3D

Okay. So, I said all the really nice stuff about "Avatar" yesterday. Today, I am going to rant about 3D.  First of all, if you only release something in 3D, I shouldn't have to pay extra to see it.  If there is a regular and a 3D and I CHOOSE to see 3D, fine, charge me for the stupid glasses.

I can't be sure, but I'm pretty sure that I have made my feelings about 3D television pretty clear. Um, no. Thanks. So, with 3D movies, I guess it is fine, although I don't really get it. I mean, it's kind of cool, but I don't want to wear glasses in the movies if I don't have to. And I don't really like having things look like they are coming out of the screen at me.

Maybe it is because I have such a visual memory or an active imagination or a combination of the two. I have to be honest, I don't really care what it is - I find 3D to be kind of stressful. There were times in the movie when I felt really uncomfortable - physically - but I can't describe it. I just felt my stress level go up. Maybe it is the added depth that adds to reality? Maybe it feels more real this way and so it taps into that sense of fight or flight?

Anyway, I really hope that we move away from the 3D craze. Or at least continue to have choices. This time, it was my fault - I didn't see "Avatar" when it came out and I did have a choice to just see it regular. I guess I will have to think about these things in the future - super blockbuster - see it while it is in first release or I will have to sit through another 3-hour 3D fest.

Again, the movie was good. The 3D was not my favorite. Except for the little jelly-fish things that were from the tree...or maybe they are more like those dandelion petals that float off. What are those called, anyway?

There Are No New Ideas

As I get older, I realize more and more that all the things we think define us as "different" or "unique" often just help us identify our tribe.  I am not special in the ways that I always thought I was, but I grow more comfortable with the idea over time.  Sometimes, I hate being pegged. I don't even like it when I go to a restaurant or coffee shop and the person who works there knows me so well, they want to give me my "usual".  I don't want to be an old woman who ate the same thing in the same restaurant for 30 years, but I am that person. I usually get one of two things at any given restaurant. One is usually the default and then I will surprise myself and the server every once in a while by ordering the other thing.

None of this is what I wanted to write about today, but I got off on a tangent. I have a feeling I'm going to have a couple before this week is over...

Although I'm still feeling under the weather, I decided that I really wanted to see another movie. I have missed most of what I wanted to see over the summer - just no motivation to go out on the weekends. So, sickie that I am, I went to see "Avatar" in 3D today. I would have seen it regular (and avoid paying $12 and a headache/neck ache) but it is the only one that is offered in the re-release.

**Spoiler Alert***

I liked the movie much more than I expected I would. Often, when something is billed as "The Best Movie EVER" or at least of the YEAR, I tend to shy away for a while because I am often disappointed. I liked the movie a lot - especially loved the glow-in-the-dark colors and things in the night sequences. The message was great, it was inventive, the CGI was good enough to not be distracting, the acting was good.

One thing came to mind as I was watching though - "there are no new ideas". That's okay. Just something that came to mind a few times while I was watching. This was a futuristic "Dances with Wolves" meets "Ferngully" with a splash of "Eragon" thrown in for good measure.

I don't mind that the ideas are re-imagined. I just think it is interesting that I didn't read/hear anywhere that this was somewhat derivative. I mean, think about it. Guy gets sent to some god-forsaken place to do the work of the military. In "Dances with Wolves", Dunbar was left to fend for himself - abandoned. Finally, in the course of his duties, he finds himself in another culture and decides to leave his post to follow his true nature. In "Avatar", Sully can't walk in real life but can in his "Avatar" body. He is left to fend for himself and in the course of his duties, he finds himself in another culture and...oh...huh. Same thing.

In "Eragon", a dragon chooses her rider and only has one rider. If the rider dies, the dragon dies. In "Avatar" the so-called Banshee (I can't remember the Na'vi word) chooses their rider and the rider chooses them. The Banshee can only ever have one rider. Hmm. Coincidence?

"Ferngully" - well, I threw that in because it was about environmental issues and the destruction of the rainforest. Not a bad thing to bring up again in these days of oil spills and whatnot. "Avatar" is basically a cautionary tale about how we are ruining our planet and that we shouldn't assume we can just ruin anything else out there without some kind of fight from the inhabitants of that other country/planet/universe.

For an archetypal hero story, this was well-done, nicely animated, good acting, good music and very engaging. A little on the long side for 3D for me - got myself a nice headache from it. I'm glad I went.

Baby Steps

My original plan for this weekend had been to go see a couple of movies, run some errands (oil change, get gas, go to Art Media, Uwajimaya) and do some art.  My original plan did not include a sore throat and cold.  The sore throat resolved itself after eating lots of Hot and Sour soup (man, that stuff really helped).  Now, my cold is settled in my chest and only really makes a major appearance when I laugh, breath or cough and results in a lovely barking cough which feels like someone is pulling my throat out. It hasn't quite gone into my lungs, so I guess that is a good thing.

I did venture out of the house today and I saw "Inception".  It was a good movie - very twisted and complex, but I liked it. They chose a good cast to carry out such a complicated storyline.  I also saw a trailer for a movie called "Social Network" about the invention of Facebook. It looked VERY interesting. It's due out on October 1, 2010. I can't wait to see it.  **I did have to stick rolled up tissues in my ears again because the movie was too loud.  I have to remember to buy some ear plugs because this tissue thing is getting old.  Why do movies have to be that loud?  I like loud music, I like loud movies, but loud to the point of pain?  Not cool.

Inspiration

I didn't go to class today. I slept and watched some old movies (most of which I slept through at least half of). I did find this website (I had saved it on favorites a while ago): In My Head Studios. These photos were particularly intriguing to me...the colors, the doodle (so I don't have to be a painter or someone who can draw). I also love the use of paper and color in her art journals. Just more fodder for me.

The website above lead me to Lisa Sonora Beam's website. She talks about making mini-journals, which I like the idea of. I'm going to explore that, too. One sentence in one of her posts really stood out and resonated. I'm still digesting it because it is important.

Perfectionism is a form of fear.

Who Knew? Art in the 'hood

I was dinking around on the net today, nursing a sore throat (sore throat? must be PTO day) and I ran across this store in my local area:

Art on a Lark - They are having a Soul Collage class and an Altered Book class tomorrow. Next weekend, they are having an Art Journal person come in to teach classes. The ones next weekend are more specialized and a little more expensive, but I'm definitely happy to find this place. They even offer "studio" membership at varying levels. If you have that, you can use the space and their tools. Might be cool to investigate. I'm thinking I would need to check it out before I make any drastic decisions - I find that I am a little shy about making art in public.

I actually found the store via Kelly Kilmer's website as I was looking for some art journal inspiration. I aspire to Teesha Moore heights, but I'm not there yet, so I was looking for other styles and other teachers who might help me shape my own thing. Quite fun to find these other folks out there. I'm sure there are tons more.

I will report back if I decide to take a class tomorrow. I'm not feeling great, but mostly, I prefer not to spread the germs if I can avoid it. We'll see.

Random Acts of Awfulness

A couple of days ago, a woman was stopping at the Starbucks across from the building where I work. It was around 7:15pm (I had just left work at that time) and a total stranger approached this young woman and threw acid in her face. Luckily, the woman who was injured had just purchased and was wearing her new sunglasses. She had surgery today to help relieve some of the pressure.

It is so disturbing to know that something like this happened so close to where I spend most of my waking hours. It just takes a quick moment of hatefulness or insanity or evilness and we are pulled abruptly from our sanitized, secure lives. Our building is secure, but it just gives me pause to think that something so terrible happened in our podunk little town.

Sad commentary.

September "Vision"

**September's Nablopomo theme is "Vision".... So here's a little bit about that and some other flotsam that is on my mind.

I think I'm a little depressed...I don't FEEL it - but I can't think of another reason why I am having such a hard time waking up in the morning. And I have been falling asleep earlier and earlier lately. Maybe I'm just burning some brain during the daytime and that is wearing me out...who knows. 

Maybe malaise is a better word...just feeling a little like a hamster right now.  That's not a bad thing - it just is.  I think the changes in the weather and the idea that school is starting is just impacting me - not sure.  I'm still a school-year person - I worked in schools for so long that my brain is sort of hardwired for the school year.  I miss all the newness - new school, new colleagues, new consumers, new school supplies (!), etc.  Maybe that's the problem - I haven't had my dose of school supplies.

I have the day off tomorrow, so I'm hoping to do some errands and then maybe some ART JOURNAL.  I'm working on a smaller one.  I'm wondering if I will be less intimidated by the smaller page.  I'm also hoping to make my own rules. It isn't like anyone is going to judge it or buy it or even see it if I don't like them...so I'm trying a more bold approach. Ha.

So, that's the plan. We'll see what happens.

**So, I was checking for the October theme for Nablopomo and when I went to the site, I saw that the theme had changed since I posted this. The theme September became Art. I should have guessed by the badges, but I didn't realize until it was too late to post all month about art. I'm a little bummed.

What I Was Going to Say...

Yesterday, before I was rudely interrupted by biting my tongue so hard I thought I'd pass out, I was going to write about Claire Danes.

I fell in love with Claire Danes when she starred in "My So-Called Life". She was brilliant in the show and the show was brilliant in its own right. Since the show abruptly ended (which I'm still sore about), I have always sought out the projects she participates in. She was glowing and beautiful in Baz Luhrman's "Romeo and Juliet" in 1996 and luminous in "Stardust" (which took me a long time to see - not sure why). She was excellent in "Brokedown Palace" and had some great scenes with Meryl Streep in "The Hours".  Her character was one of the reasons to watch that movie. I found the rest of the movie so depressing - I was glad there was some little relief in it.

On Sunday, she won an Emmy award for Best Lead Actress (not sure what the whole category is called) for her role as Temple Grandin, a woman with autism who overcame the odds. Ms. Danes was gracious in her acceptance and stunningly beautiful in her classy and elegant gown. I hope she continues to make great movies - I can't wait to see her in more. (Al Pacino shares the picture with her as I am not talented enough or motivated enough to edit him out.)

Goodbye, Summer

If I still worked for the school district as an interpreter, I would be heading back to work today. I missed my opportunity to meet a friend for lunch before she went back - we both have good intentions, but hard to get schedules together.

I had big plans for my post today - this morning I had all these thoughts running through my head - but then, at dinner, I was eating a bit of corn on the cob (yum) and I bit my tongue so hard I thought I would pass out. Obviously, I have bit my tongue before, but never so hard or to the point of some pretty excessive bleeding. It literally felt like I bit the end of my tongue off. Icky, scary and painful. I spent most of the evening with my tongue in a glass of ice water.

So there you have it. Summer is pretty much over (weather, back-to-school) and I bit the crap out of my tongue. That's the news. That's pretty much all I can do for today. So, goodnight. More tomorrow. Hopefully more interesting or less weird. :)

Art Journal pages from the Beach

I didn't get much done, but I did work on one of my art journals while I was on vacation. I didn't write in the one...I spent more time finding collage stuff than anything else...I think I think about it too much.  I'm going to be trying some more "intuitive" collage in the next journal.

To be a total copy-cat, Teesha Moore just posted that she was experimenting with the size of her journals and made one that was 6 X 8.  I thought maybe that would work for me...I made it tonight and started painting. Hopefully, that part will be done this weekend and I can start playing. Maybe a smaller canvas will help?

Here are the starts in my beach pages:

Old movies, Good comfort

I watched an old movie last weekend and one of the previews was for the movie, "Hope Floats".  While I aspire to be a person who has more sophisticated movie tastes, I just don't.  I love a good romantic comedy. I love Sandra Bullock and I LOVE Harry Connick, Jr.  Gena Rowlands is also in the movie- I haven't seen many of her movies, but I love her presence.  Another person who I am impressed with is the actress who plays Sandra Bullock's daughter.  Her name is Mae Whitman - you may know her from the current TV series, "Parenthood" as Amber, the rebellious brunette teenager or from "Independence Day" where she played the President's daughter.  I remember her from "When a Man Loves a Woman" with Andy Garcia, Meg Ryan and Tina Marjorino.  Powerful stuff.

Anyway, I watched "HF" today.  There is a scene in the movie where Sandra Bullock's character goes to visit her father in the nursing home he is in and he doesn't say a word to her but they dance together. Then there is a scene where Harry Connick, Jr. shows her his house and he takes her outside and kisses her on the forehead.  There is also a couple of beautiful, tender moments with Gena Rowlands as the Grandma. Finally, at the end of the movie, there is a silhouette of HCJ and SB and the two kids from the movie and they are all walking down the street holding hands.  All of that together just made me miss my father and think about my mom and how we all need to cherish our time together because you never know what can happen.

I think that's why I don't have more sophisticated tastes in movies - a movie that can make me think of my father or Roby or an old friend, or a hero or a teacher I should thank is a GOOD movie, in my humble opinion.  Some people need to see wild adventures and go to places they've never gone before in their movies - sometimes, I like that, but sometimes, I like "comfort food" - a movie that reminds me of all that I love, all that is good and nurturing and reminds me of old dreams and new ones.

A lot of political stuff in the air. Most importantly, today, the 47th Anniversary of the March On Washington and MLK's "I Have a Dream" speech. I know this post is lightweight for a day of significance. Click on the MLK tag from yesterday if you want to watch some videos of that historic speech and that historic day. I decided to take a break from that today. Not sure why, but my gut is usually right, so I went with it.

On My Mind Today

Eggs...I'm allergic to eggs but I can eat things that have small amounts of eggs in them. Since I haven't really eaten an egg in its plain state in years, I'm not sure why the salmonella egg recall is bothering me so much. I think it is bringing home the whole factory farming situation in the U.S. and cementing my decision to buy more local and organic meats and produce when I can - supporting local and family farms is just good economics, in addition to being better for me and tasting better. Don't get me wrong - I like buying my meat wrapped in plastic at the grocery store. I'm not planning on raising, naming and butchering my own dinner, thank you very much. Nor will I be raising chickens for eggs, although today, I spotted two chickens wandering near the road about three blocks from my house.

I hope they figure out the situation and fix it quickly. I heard that in the 1990s, during the Clinton administration, there was another huge salmonella recall and the FDA talked about vaccinating the hens so that they would not produce eggs with salmonella. This would have added about .01 to the price of each egg, so Congress nixed the idea. I'm not sure that is the best answer, but it is certainly one answer. I know many folks are as concerned about vaccines as they are about food-borne illnesses.

Hurricane Katrina hit five years ago. When I was getting ready for work today, the CBS Early Show was interviewing folks about their own experiences, mostly in New Orleans and about their recovery in the years since. They highlighted a band called, "Roots of Music" that is comprised of children who experienced Katrina.  The band provides the kids with a safe space, an outlet and a circle of support. The report said that the members of the band were improving their grades, were feeling less traumatized and more hopeful. That was pretty powerful. There was a story about a man who lost both his mother and his three-year-old grandchild who stayed in New Orleans. There was a photographer who took some amazing photographs of this man and his family. Very moving and shocking to see how devastated many parts of New Orleans, Mississippi and some other places are. There is still a need for help and support and planning for the folks who live there. Just thinking about those people and hoping that there is more light than darkness in their lives now. Wondering how best to help out with the efforts from so far away.

The 47th anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech and the March On Washington is tomorrow. I can't listen to the speech without getting chills and teary-eyed. I can't even imagine the courage and faith it took to make the march and to stand up, every day, against such hatred and prejudice. Regardless of the rumors that later surfaced about Dr. King's personal life, I believe he was one of the greatest human beings to live in the twentieth century. I am in awe of his dedication and the dedication of those who surrounded him and supported him. Although the times we are in now are drastically different, there is a similarity of tone. People are afraid, suffering and the divides in the nation are growing ever-wider. Regardless of your political beliefs, there is no way to deny that we are in our own tumultuous time.

There is more stuff on my mind, but nothing I can really articulate right now. Art, books. Time, cleaning, health, stuff...I guess since it is Friday, I'm going to give myself a break and call it good. Weird blogging week, but I think it is all good.

Thursday Thoughts

Sometimes Thursdays are the hardest day of the week. I'm almost there, but I still have a day to get through. I don't hate what I'm doing, but sometimes the stretch through Friday is a long one. This week, it is feeling like that. No particular reason - nothing outrageous or challenging happening - just tired from the week, I guess.

I found out this week that my dad almost got dismissed from the Air Force after he broke his leg. He was fixing one of our cars in front of our house in Colorado when a car came and hit the car from behind. I think the car fell on my dad's leg and broke it in a couple of places. He was in traction and in and out of the hospital for a long time (more than 6 months - I think it was a year) - it was just after I was born, so I have only heard stories and seen photos. So, after all was said and done, the doctors didn't think he would be able to bend his knee and were going to discharge him. My dad decided he would show them and started his own "physical therapy" regime which included 12-13 hour drives around Colorado to keep his leg bent in the car to help his muscles remember how to do it. Those drives continued throughout my childhood, but I never knew that this was the reason behind them. Interesting.

I'm going to dig up some music this weekend - I've been stagnating in my music selection and it has been bugging me. I'm not sure how I will find new stuff I like, but I can at least dig up some of the old stuff I haven't listened to in a long time.

I think that's all for now. Gonna head off to bed.

Walking the Fence

Some of my Facebook rules have sort of bled over here and I'm not sure how I feel about it or what I'm going to do about it.

My Facebook account is an odd mix of work folks (peers, bosses and clients), former students, potential employers, personal friends, interpreter friends, etc. Once the students and work folks started friending me, I realized that my Facebook was about something other than my own pithy status updates. I choose not to participate in political conversation, controversial conversation, religious conversation, I don't "repost" updates from folks supporting cancer or AIDS or battered women or marathons or anything else. I stay fairly neutral because it seems prudent.

Sometimes, I am tempted to write about issues that I am thinking about - political, social, etc. but I haven't really done that here, either. I can't decide if I want to bring most of that to the blog and I can't really say why. Maybe I'm just afraid to expose myself so publicly. Maybe I just don't want to. Maybe it is just safer that way. No one is offended. No harm, no foul.

I was just thinking about that today as I listened to a discussion about eggs with salmonella today. It made me wonder if the folks who drop by ever wonder why the hell I only talk about goofy stuff or personal stuff without context. I don't write the blog for other people - I write it for myself and other people stop by. But still. I'm not sure I'm ready for prime-time blogging. I'm gonna think on it some more.

Movies Remind Me

I have been reconnecting with my social justice self in the last few days. It sounds silly, but I have been watching old movies since I'm sick of all the reruns and worthless stuff on the tube right now.

I have been bouncing around watching a variety of things, but a couple of weeks ago, I touched off on a tangent.  I watched a movie called "Wild Flower" starring Patricia Arquette and Reese Witherspoon. It was the first time I had ever seen  Arquette and I don't remember if Witherspoon was known then or not...It was a sort of "Lifetime" movie from a YA novel I had read by Sara Flanigan. She wrote another favorite of mine called "Sudie and Simpson" and hasn't written anything else since (that I can find).This particular movie took place in the south and was about a young girl (Witherspoon) who finds a girl locked up in a shed in the neighboring farm (probably in the 1930s?).  The girl had epilepsy and was hard of hearing and the movie shows the progress as she receives help. Sounds hokey - probably is, but I liked it, anyway.

I watched "A Time To Kill" and "The Rainmaker" both based on John Grisham novels.  "Lean On Me" and "Defiance" are next on the list, then a whole host of other movies (suggestions welcome). I was looking for movies that I haven't seen in a long time as I tend to watch the same old standbys over and over, but I worry that I will get sick of them and then what will I do?

I think maybe the term social justice isn't quite right - but I have just been thinking about "MORE" - there is more to do, there are important jobs, tasks, fights. I don't know where I fit into that, but I find a sense of comfort knowing that there are important causes in the world. Some of them, I can take on and be involved and sometimes all I can do is watch a movie and feel the reminder that we all have the power to be kinder, to stand up and do the right thing, to help someone in need, to care. My sphere of influence (thank you, Stephen Covey) might be small, but it is all I've got. I'll take it and do what I can...

Ah, I'm rambling. Sorry. Off to bed.

Emotionally Exhausting

I just find the repetition of all instructions/directions over and over and over to be exhausting.  Then to smile each time I say it is even more exhausting. It is just the nature of the beast - no one is doing anything. It is just hard to keep a good sense of humor.

I find that I feel much the same as I did when I was a little girl - it's hard to be good all day. 

That's all. So, I'm going to be watching a movie tonight. It will help me calm down and just breathe. 

Silent Sunday

Interpreting Dream

Last night, I dreamed that I was standing in a courtyard with 3 people I had interpreted for in the past. Not sure why these people were in my dream, but still, they were. One of my former mentors walked by and then suddenly, the courtyard turned into a large classroom for presentations.

Across the front of the room hung a large swath of fabric that the students were projecting on for their presentations. The instructor started to speak and I was on the opposite side of the screen - one of the Deaf students was standing in my spot and looking angrier and angrier that they couldn't see me interpret. I fought my way through the fabric, but there were other students gathered at the front (more like elementary school than University, but ok...). Finally, I got to the place where I needed to be and I had an argument with the Deaf student about why I couldn't go sit in the audience and interpret solely for them.

Once the argument was over, the instructor was reading their metaphor heavy, completely pop-culture referenced papers about musical groups in an auctioneer's pace.  I was interpreting as best I could about the music group Chicago when suddenly, I had to start walking down this hallway/path (there were doors and planted crops, so I'm not sure which it was).  I kept interpreting but pretty soon, I couldn't see the people I was interpreting for...so I turned around and started back. When I did start back, the entire path/hall was uphill STEEP, like need a rope to get up it. I was working my way back when the student who was mad at me for not sitting in the audience showed up and asked me where I had been - they were waiting.  I tried to explain, but I couldn't make progress and interpret and explain all at the same time.

Suddenly, I was at the top of the hill, but the entrance into the room was on the floor and was about the size of my head.  I squatted down, realizing that there was no way I could get through that opening without dying of a panic attack. The student was in there, urging me to come through. I put my head in to explain why I couldn't come through and I felt the panic start to rise.

I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep for a long time. Scary, huh?

Gift In the Mail

This week has been long and since I was sick in the beginning of the week, all my energy was sapped.

Happily, yesterday, when I got home, there was a package waiting for me.  It was this book accompanied by a little note from the author:

The artwork was submitted to Patti from artists around the world and is lovely. A sweet and wonderful little text for "those days". Nice way to come home on a late Thursday.

Dinner with Friends

I went to a great restaurant in Salem tonight called Marco Polo and had DELICIOUS FOOD and great conversation with some friends.  It has been a long time since we have been able to get together, but we finally managed it. :)

Sometimes, I don't even realize how much I am craving a nice night out with friends. After work, I tend to just go home and I don't really think about going anywhere once I hit the door. I used to always go do something after work and now I RARELY do. There must be a happy medium in there somewhere.

Anyway, here's to good friends, good food and good conversation. I'm exhausted now, but happy.

My Feet on Vacation

Reading material and a beverage - ready for the deck!

These rocks are featured in most of my photos because they are mesmerizing. The water pours in and out, crashing and churning and spewing up into the air. 

Looking to the left of our condo - foggy and dark, but still beautiful. The white on the rock is a mix of seabirds and *ick* bird poo. 

Cold feet on vacation.

See what I mean about churning?

It's the Journey, not the Destination

I have been thinking a lot about choices and happiness. I know there is a Happiness Flow Chart somewhere in my archives. I will look for it...

I just know allowing joy and happiness in, even when things are terrible, is a choice that can get you through the day. I'm incredibly lucky to have seen that in my time with Roby and after he died. To know laughter when your heart is broken is about HOPE. I could have shut that door, but I knew that wasn't right. So, I try to leave it open. Sometimes, it is just a crack, sometimes it is wide open. I'm lucky that I got to learn that lesson a long time ago.

I don't know why, but I've been trying to remember a quote from Marianne Williamson about "minor existential pain"...

Ahh, it wasn't quite what I was thinking, but I still think it is a great and appropriate quote for this post: “The experience of love is a choice we make, a mental decision to see love as the only real purpose and value in any situation. Until we make that choice, we keep striving for results that we think would make us happy. But we’ve all gotten things that we thought would make us happy, only to find that they didn’t. This external searching—looking to anything other than love to complete us and to be the source of our happiness—is the meaning of idolatry. Money, sex, power, or any other worldly satisfaction offers just temporary relief for minor existential pain” (Return to Love, page 57).

Report on Day 1 Back to Work

I didn't really put any energy into dreading my return to work yesterday. I don't hate my job - I find it challenging and frustrating and sometimes I wish it were less routine, but all in all, I'm pretty satisfied for the most part. I like the people I work with directly and I like the people I work with via AIM and the phone, so that's good.  Being sick yesterday really took most of my energy and focused it onto the thing I needed most - sleep.

So, today, I returned to work (after picking up some antibiotics) and it was fine. A little overwhelming to try to catch up with what happened and be on the right page for today, but fine.  When I got home, I logged into Facebook and I was struck by how down people seem to be about Mondays, about work, about the whole day. It made me happy that I am doing something that I feel I am good at, that I feel I can do good for others. Then I saw a post from a friend I know from my telecourse and her blog, A Dare A Day, and I knew what I wanted to write about. I hadn't even read the posting - just the quote that accompanied it:  "Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it!  Because what the world needs is people who come alive!!!" -- Howard Thurman

The quote is from this site: Work Happier. Live Happier. 

I'm not even necessarily endorsing the site or anything - I'm off to read the whole posting, but I wanted to share my thoughts on this. I do believe that this is a case of putting out into the world what you want to get back. I don't want Mondays to be miserable. I don't want any day to be miserable, so I'm trying to just focus on all the good things and all the things I want for my days. I think it helps.  Today it did, anyway. 

Karma?

I must have done something in another life - I don't think it is from this one - that I get sick at the end of my vacations.  The last night I was at the beach, same temperature, same weather, but in the night I was so cold I had to close the windows and get another blanket (the windows were open the WHOLE TIME up until that point). Then a few hours later, I woke up roasting. I was exhausted yesterday and when I got home, I slept for hours. Then I went to bed around midnight (early for me, especially if I have had a nap). I got so cold I had the chills but the thermometer in the house said it was 79 degrees. I was bundled head to toe in blankets, socks, sweater.  Woke up today with a headache and a temperature.

I think I have cellulitis again. :(  I am so careful and I have been so conscientious.  It is maddening. Usually, when I get it, I get it twice within 6 months and then I won't have it again for 2-3 years, so here's hoping this is the second bout and I won't need to have it EVER again.

Whatever I did, I'm SORRY!

A Taste of Vacation

Responsible adult that I am, I decided to come back home after my vacation instead of running away to join the circus, which seemed redundant. Just kidding...

Anyway, I have been unable to shake the sleep off today, so here is a little preview of the joys of my vacation (which will seem, to most of you, a little boring).

The big lump in the front portion of the photo is a whale that I watched for about 30 minutes or so as it moved across the water in front of my deck.

Yes, this looks remarkably like the last vacation I took at the beach...

The wave action is mesmerizing. The place I stay is a hop, skip and a jump from Boiler Bay. Beautiful.

Feeding the "RENT" Beast

Apparently, I was needing a "Rent" fix because this is just renewing my love for the show. I still love the OBC the best as a whole, but I have heard some pretty amazing people sing these songs.  Manley Pope, Simone, Michael McElroy...there are more...

Aaron Tveit as Roger singing "One Song Glory"


And Wayne Brady doing a nice job with the "I'll Cover You" Reprise
“I’ll Cover You” Reprise with Wayne Brady as Collins

"RENT" at the Hollywood Bowl

Neil Patrick Harris directed an "all-star" cast (not sure who all is in it, though) for a short revival of "Rent" at the Hollywood Bowl this weekend.

Here is a video of "Take Me or Leave Me" with Nicole Sherzinger as Maureen(formerly of the Pussycat Dolls) and Tracie Thoms as Joanne (Joanne in the movie version):

I actually think they did a fine job with the song - at least they both have the singing chops to do the music justice.
Other celebs in the show included:
Vanessa Hudgens as Mimi
Wayne Brady as Collins


Here is an ET interview with the cast:


Another interview with Neil Patrick Harris:


Here is a video of Aaron Tveit (Roger) and Vanessa Hudgens (Mimi) singing "Another Day".



More as I find out more. There have been calls for a cast album, so we'll see what comes of it. Would be interesting to see/hear the whole thing.

Multi-Purpose Signage

A friend/co-worker directed me to this web page. You'd be surprised at how applicable this sign can be in a variety of situations. *AND* it is really good for a therapeutic laugh when things are getting a little intense at work.

New Blogs to Explore

While I'm away on vacation, I wanted to find some fun things to post - short but I also am not breaking my streak of making sure to post for every day. I'm also writing some of my posts this week by hand just because I'm on vacation and I want to avoid too much stuff that seems like work.

As a participant of Nablopomo each month, I have access to a Blogroll of other participants. I haven't done a tour in a while now, but I thought I would check some of the blogs out and see if I could find some new favorites. I did find a couple of cool blogs that I am adding to my list.

One post that made me laugh out loud is at Post it Notes from Hades - funny!  This particular post talks about our culture of body art and how that is going to translate as we age. Check it out!

Counting the Hours...then BLASTOFF!!

I have completed payroll and all the tying up of loose ends at work. I was there a LONG time today, but I am off for six glorious days during which time I will be going to the beach to read, sleep, watch movies, do art, veg and listen to the waves.

I'm totally stoked to sit out on the balcony and listen to the waves while I read a good, juicy book. I haven't packed yet, but I will be bringing some good stuff.

Can't wait! And I have a net book that I am bringing in case I want to post something. I may not, in which case, I will catch you up to the trip news when I come back. I always do handwritten posts if I'm not near the computer. But I do have some stuff that will be popping up here while I'm gone, whether or not I sign into the net book or not.

In less than 24 hours, I will be at the BEACH!!! Yahoo!

Yet another STUNNING Hermes ad campaign. I LOVE the colors in this photo. I was looking for one of my beach photos from the last time I was there, but when I saw this, I thought it was much more exciting than pictures of my feet at the beach. :)

Tech glitches

I have been trying to download a picture to my computer from a disc I have so that I can then upload it onto the blog. I have not been very successful because I am only click-and-drag smart on the computer and beyond that, kind of like a turtle on its back.

Ironically, I was able to get two pictures (from these vintage photo CDs I bought a while ago) saved onto the hard drive and uploaded here (see below) and the other ones won't upload without the disc. Frankly, I'm just feeling too lazy to go back and find the stupid package, put the disc back in, find the picture, figure out how to upload/download it and start all over. So these two will do for now.

This picture is from the "China Pictures" folder. I chose it because I thought it was so beautiful and so delicate. I usually am not super-attracted to Chinese art, but I thought this was really unique.

I just really liked this photo of the moon and I think I will eventually print a copy and put it in one of my Art Journal collages.  I love the colors and I'm excited for fall to be coming around the corner.

Story without Details

I clicked on an archived post and read it just now. I understood the intention and the information that was posted by I had NO IDEA what I was referring to...

It just made me realize that if I want to remember my life (the actual events) and what I did, said, who was involved, etc., I better start writing stories (with the details) down somewhere because I certainly don't remember most of it when I read the vague stuff on the blog.

Obviously, I can't be telling specifics and naming names from work and from my life for a variety of reasons, but it just struck me today that reading some of the things I said makes ME wonder what happened...funny. I'm not upset about it - just fascinated by how open and yet how covered up things can be at the same time. I just feel a sense of caution about ALL my information online. Keeping a blog is opening up to public scrutiny in many ways ANYWAY, but keeping the details on the DL seems prudent to me.

Bamboozled Even Though I Saw it Coming

Message: ! Jean Call me RIGHT AWAY! I need to talk to you tonight before I leave the office!

1. Jean - NEVER CALL PEOPLE when you get a message like this. You KNOW it leads to no good.
2. If you cave and call, *do not agree to anything* during the call.
3. Remember, you are not responsible for saving the world.

Story: I got the above message last night. I called it. Even though I KNEW what was happening WHILE it was happening, I agreed to help this person out. Thus, I have made their emergency my emergency. WHY? I don't even mind that I am helping but I am not thrilled about the time line for preparation because it infringes on my time this weekend. But, it is my own fault. I agreed. So, I'm not annoyed with anyone but myself.
Bottom line: I didn't follow ANY of the instructions above. But now I know. I have written them down. I can refer back to them in a pinch.

This is My Brain Before Vacation

Patti Digh posted on her Facebook status that she is hosting a Blog Tour for her new book. She gave directions how to sign up and I DID IT!! I was really nervous and I came up with all these reasons why it wouldn't be a good idea for me to do it - I've never done anything like that before. I don't know what I need to do. Not very many people read my little blog. There are so many better blogs out there...ad nauseum. At this point, I'm so happy that I did it that I'm okay whether I get selected for the tour or not.

I'm wishing for some new music, but I'm not very good at finding new stuff on my own. I've been listening to the radio, but talking heads, not music. When I listen to music, it is usually Broadway shows, but I don't even have any new shows that I want to explore. I guess I should start listening to this year's season...Maybe I will do that after vacation.

There are some gorgeous photos of the solar flares and the affect on the Northern Lights on Flickr via Yahoo.com. Check them out.

I seriously could not bear one of the meetings I was in today. I typed the following in an AIM to a co-worker who promptly told me he shot coffee out his nose, "Is it bad to wish I had a gun in my desk drawer? For myself...no one else." A few minutes later, "BANG. AAARGGHH. Thump." It was pretty funny, even though I felt guilty for even saying I wished I had a gun. I don't. I wouldn't know what to do with a gun if I had one and I kind of like it that way. It was just one of those moments when I could feel the hysteria rising and I had to get it out.

Be sure to check out the new issue of Harper's Bazaar - Jennifer Aniston is paying homage to Barbra Streisand. She looks stunning and I love Barbra, of course.

Ah. That is a much better picture to have pop up in the LinkWithin photos over and over.

I need to start taking photos again. I haven't done any of my creative stuff in a long time. I want to. I think about it a lot (all the creative stuff AND taking photos). I really need to get my act together.

Last year I did the "The Next Chapter: Wreck This Journal" with Jamie Ridler Studios. I had a great time and I have been hoping for a new "TNC" book, but it hasn't happened. I think her work has really taken off this year, so it may be put off for a while. I am thinking that I might go ahead and buy the book they did for the last "TNC" group - it was a mail around. I wanted to do it, but I know myself well enough to know that I would have all the good intentions in the world and then I would never mail it and be the lame one in the group. I just couldn't put myself through that. The book they read was called "The Happy Book".  I'm thinking that I might buy it, take a look at it and then I will use my own journals for the same purpose. I want to bring "The Happy Book" to work and have it be something that people can do while they are there.

It is hard to boost the happiness level in other people when they are not vested in boosting their own happiness level. I know that times are tough right now - for everyone. Our industry, our state, our country, the world. But we can still choose to find joy. To be joyful. To try to find the happy moments and share them with each other. It may sound silly, but I really do believe that. If I focus on all the bad things in my life, I would be so incapacitated by grief and depression and hopelessness, I wouldn't be able to get out of bed. But my bad things are no worse or better than someone else's. All the good things and bad things will still be there whether I choose to acknowledge them or focus on them or ignore them or deal with them. I guess I am choosing to grab HAPPY and then all the other stuff, I just deal with as I can.

Ooh. A little too philosophical for the Thursday before my vacation...see what happens when I just let go and type?

Mental Packing

I am mentally packing for my trip. Last time I went on vacation, I brought the fifth Harry Potter book, "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix". I think I will probably bring a couple of books, "HP and the Deathly Hallows" will be one of them. I haven't decided on the others.

The main things I am thinking about are my art journal supplies. I have been itching to get back to playing and creating - balancing my brain. I have these moments, but there is always the set up/take down time and I just get frustrated. Sometimes I just want to leave it all out, but realistically, I need to clean up. I'm working on a space for creating in my home, but I'm not there yet.

SO, I will be bringing a couple of different journals. I will probably be actually journaling in my first Art Journal - I have been waiting to do that...I don't know what I was waiting for - the perfect moment? I will also be bringing the journals that I am still working on and I will bring paint and pens and crayons and glue. I CAN'T WAIT!! My fingers are itching already. I'm excited because I have decided that it is okay for my stuff to look like MINE. I think I get it in my head to make mine look like someone else's - look more professional, more artistic. Then I realized I have only made 6 of these journals in my life and only one of them is really ready to be used as a written journal. Of course they aren't perfect in the "art perfect" sense (whatever that means). They are perfect in the sense that I made them and I am loving making them and they are MINE.

Happy thoughts. I can't wait to play.

Silly Admission

In the LINK WITHIN links that lead to other posts, the picture of the lady in the Bicentennial hat CREEPS ME OUT. I know that I used it to illustrate a hat I was talking about in my post that day. But she keeps showing up at the bottom of posts. For some reason, she stands out in a big, bad way.

Psst...I'll Put Back the Max Photo

I felt like I needed a preview of my vacation, so I have put up a picture from the balcony where I will be staying. This is a photo from the last time I was there, back in May 2009. I need a little motivation to get me there. I leave on Tuesday of next week! Yahoo!

Purple Snowflakes??

I realized after I wrote my post yesterday that there would probably be some people thinking to themselves, "Ummm, purple snowflakes?" I thought maybe I should say something about that here.

I don't have any samples at this point, but if I ever find any, I will be sure to scan and post them.

I graduated from high school in 1985. I would say that in 1983 or so, the words "Christmas" and "Holiday" were removed from the educational vocabulary. For me and my peers, it was the beginning of a weird time. We couldn't have Christmas or Holiday trees (mysteriously, decorated trees did show up, they were just called other things). My BFF at the time, Jeffa, and I decided that it was about talking in code. The first year, we took a big piece of butcher paper and drew a "Christmas" tree shape on it. We called it a WishTree. For decoration, we decided to make snowflakes, but because snow seemed to be indicative of a certain holiday time, we decided that they couldn't be called snowflakes, they were, instead, wishflakes. Eventually, we had codes for different colors. Purple wishflakes were the most popular (it was my favorite color at the time, so I'm sure that had something to do with it.)

Growing up, I had never really known how to make "fancy" snowflakes - we folded papers up in squares, cut pieces out and got clumpy, clunky, squat-looking pieces of paper that were really not very attractive to look at. In high school, around the same time that we were speaking in holiday-codes, one of my teachers taught me how to cut beautiful and intricate snowflakes (it's all in the folding, people). From that point on, I was a snowflake cutting maniac - for years!

One year, Roby and I were babysitting his niece around Christmas-time and the only pair of scissors his sister had was a Swiss army knife pair of scissors. Regardless, I used those scissors (I have a great noise to go with the motion, but it doesn't translate to the blog) to create some of the most beautiful and intricately patterned snowflakes I have ever made. We spent many nights making decorations for his apartment when we were poor, so those snowflakes (often purple) turned into something really beautiful and symbolic for us - a time when we were still young and pretty carefree.

So, that's why he wanted purple snowflakes to be put on his quilt. I haven't made any in a long time...Maybe next year.

Tribute Undone

I was straightening up the living room, folding up an old blanket on the couch today. The blanket is chenille and warm and lovely but it is fraying badly. I should get rid of it...

Later, as I was doing something else, I was thinking about that stupid blanket and I thought maybe there was a way to save part of it for memory's sake and get rid of the rest which led me to think of the idea I had originally had for Roby's Quilt with the Names Project.

I haven't made his quilt. Some people start making the quilt for their loved one with the person, some make them immediately after their death, some people wait years. I have thought about it many times. I feel guilty that I haven't done it yet and at the same time, I think there is a part of me that isn't ready to close that door. Sometimes, there are just symbolic things that make other things seem real or complete. Making a quilt for Roby seems like the end of something that I'm not ready to let go.

And realistically speaking, there is the perfection factor rearing its ugly head again. I am afraid of making a quilt that Roby wouldn't be proud to have as a representation of him. I want it to say everything about him and show how special he was and what a light we lost when he died. And there is NO WAY TO DO THAT. No matter how perfect it is.

One day, about a year before he died, after 9 years of NOT TALKING ABOUT IT, we were sitting at his mother's kitchen table. It was winter and cold. He said, "I want purple snowflakes** on my quilt." I stopped him, "We don't need to talk about this." I had been waiting for so long, but when the moment came to find out what he wanted, I couldn't talk about it. Nine years of silence just meant the lock was rusted shut. We talked a little about his wishes and anxieties about dying and made agreements about things. But after that, we never talked about his quilt again. I wish I hadn't stopped him. I wish I knew exactly what he wanted and I wish I could make the perfect quilt for him.

I'm still not ready to make a quilt for him, but I think I am going to start the planning. That's a good thing, right?

**Purple snowflake story to come