16 Years Without Roby

Today, 16 years ago, Roby Starns died.  I still miss him.

Roby Starns, 1985, Aloha High School Theatre Awards Night

I know that it is difficult for people sometimes to understand missing someone for so long.  After all these years, it isn't the intense missing that I felt when he first died.  It doesn't burn or stab or throb. I don't wallow in missing Roby - I just miss him. I wonder what he would think about things sometimes or if he would like this music or this show or movie.  I think of him when I watch Kurt and his dad on "Glee" because I wish Roby's dad could have been like that.

All combined, Roby has been a part of my life for the last 29 years...only about 1/3 of my life happened before I knew him.  I think this kind of warrants some attention.  Missing is okay to me.

Roby at Hug Point, 1987

Most importantly, I think it is important to remember and honor him, our friendship, how he shaped me as a person (in good and bad ways), how our experience with HIV/AIDS and his death impacted me and taught me.  I love him still and always will. It may not make sense to anyone else, but it makes sense to me.  I believe I have it in perspective and I believe that I have carried on with life in many healthy ways.  One of the ways I have been able to do that is to honor my dear, sweet, obstinant, funny friend each year on days that are important - his birthday and the anniversary of the day we lost a beautiful soul.

16 years ago, today, at 3:04 AM, I lost my best friend.  Roby Starns, I miss you and remember you still.

Roby at Ecola State Park, 1989