I'm so revved up for the year - I haven't felt this...ALIVE...in a long time. I'm not sure what that is about, really. I keep thinking that this year was the reawakening year. I knew Roby for 13 years and last year marked his 13th year gone - I have long believed that it takes a person the same amount of time to work through a loss as they had in the relationship. I still miss him and love him, but I am still here and I have to live my life. He would have wanted that and I want it, too.
I keep finding things I want to commit to, but I realized today that overcommitment is my way of allowing failure in. If I'm over-committed, how can I possibly soar? So I am holding back. Just because I don't join some challenge or write a commitment to do something, doesn't mean I can't be doing new things or pursuing goals. Some goals are hard and fast, some goals are more malleable.
I joined "Small is Beautiful" with Magpie Girl today. I was over at her blog (one of my frequent haunts) and I found a blog that brought tears to my eyes - the banner was so reminiscent of the way I see the world (in a visual way, not necessarily philosophically - I haven't read enough to know that). The bright colors, the strips of color - I just felt like I had met a kindred spirit. Weird, huh? I don't even know that woman, but I just fell in love with her art. Check out Eye Candy Art to get a glimpse into my visual brain.
I went to see "2012" today with my mom. She has been wanting to see it for a while now...we are both big John Cusack fans and also love action-adventure-disaster movies. I realized today, however, that my days of watching these types of films is numbered. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy the movie - I was definitely transported. I realized today that there is a level of sensitization that has happened for me that is sort of the opposite of what media pundits say happens to people who view violence in media or real life. The whole theory of people becoming desensitized by viewing acts of cruelty or tragedy used to make sense to me - I still think it is valid, but not for everyone.
As I sat watching tragedy strike, the world coming to an end, families bidding each other goodbye, I realized that I can't really call this "entertainment". I suppose that folks who have never been in that situation might need to see this to prepare them - I don't need any such preparation. Obviously, the world hasn't ended. No asteroid has hit the earth. But I don't need to know how painful it is to say goodbye, to make a decision that will keep me away from someone I love.
I haven't worked it all out, but these are the little bits of flotsam that are floating around in my mind today. Off to read!