Thursday, December 16, 2010

Reverb 10 - Day 16: FRIENDSHIP

December 16 – Friendship How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst? (Author: Martha Mihalick)

This probably isn't what was intended with this question, but it is all that comes to mind.

This year has been lonely and difficult. Many things have happened that I didn't feel I could share with people, so I remained silent. That is my way. (See Roby posts for more information on that...)

I became my own best friend this year. I didn't have anyone to test my angry letters and emails on. I didn't have a safe place to vent, grieve, worry, or obsess. It may sound weird since I have this blog and participate in the online world, but I tend to play important cards close to the chest. This year has been a year for that.

I learned to listen to my own intuition about things. I learned to listen to my body. I learned that I have a sense of knowing that I sometimes ignore but it is almost always to my detriment.  I learned that I can entertain myself, that I am talented, that I have much I want to do and say in this world and I'm not always sure how to do it. 

In 2010, I discovered an inner strength and an inner calm that I never even knew I possessed. When I look back on it, I realize that it has always been there, I just don't need it very often. I needed it when Roby found out he had HIV, when he died, when Hank died, when my father died, when I thought I was going to have to tell people our company was not long for this world, when I had health issues of my own this year.  It is the quality I am most proud to possess. It is the thing that allows me to stare death in the eyes without backing away. Anything else seems easy. When I tapped into that this year, amazing growth happened for me.

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