December 19 – Healing What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leoni Allan)
Quite honestly, the thing that healed me was a sudden dunk into the frigid waters of reality. I was unceremoniously forced into dark, ice-cold waters without notice, without a life preserver or vest, without directions to shore. I learned to swim this year in the unknown, in the "real world".
I'm sorry if this sounds cryptic - I don't feel comfortable writing about the actual situation. What I CAN say is that I learned a lot about myself, about my strengths, about what I believe, about why I do what I do for a living and what I value. I take my responsibilities seriously and I also take my integrity seriously. I didn't want to let go of either of them and I didn't have to - but I had to make the decision on my own.
I guess what was healed were all the doubts I had about myself, my decisions, my abilities. I still have self-doubt and I still question myself, but it is more like checking in to make sure I have taken in all the information I need to follow through rather than the soul-deep angst that kept me up at night sometimes. I'm sleeping better now, I must say.
For 2011, I want to continue to improve my health, which I have been doing since the plunge - ironic that healing in one way happened, and the need to be healed was created almost simultaneously. I am feeling better, but it takes time to be well, to pay attention to your body and the needs it has. I'm on the path. I am hoping to clear it more so that there aren't so many thorns on the way this coming year.