Sunday, December 5, 2010

Reberb 10 - Day 5: LET GO

Bird feeder photo. Baby steps.

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

Letting go is one of the bigger challenges of my life. I don't easily let go of things, people, etc. When this prompt appeared last night, I started thinking about it and wondering what or whom I had let go of this year...

I don't know if this will make any sense - I don't know if I have the right words to talk about what I let go this year, but here goes.

I finally accepted that I cannot change how people feel, how they react, what they want or the choices they make. In accepting that, I let go of the angst of feeling responsible - feeling that if I had just done something different or more, I could have changed things. In my saner moments, I see how egotistical it is to think that we CAN or SHOULD have an impact in that way, but somehow, my overdeveloped sense of responsibility doesn't always recognize this.

I am working on letting go of my fear of NOT being perfect. I know I'm not perfect and that is okay, but I still have these moments where it backs up on me. I think that is partially what I am doing in exploring art journals and writing again.  Perfection isn't the goal - the journey, the experience is the goal.  Forcing myself to do things that I don't feel comfortable doing or that I feel I am less than excellent at doing helps me in this process of letting go of perfectionism.

I have lots of other things I need to let go and a number of people I have to let go, but as I said, this is one of my bigger challenges, so I am just plodding along. Baby steps.

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